Would you judge us as parents if your child got a crap birthday present at a party?

[M0naLisa]

Me and DH are skint. Our two boys have a party invitation each for Sunday. Only handed out on Monday this week.
6yr old Is going to a day out with birthday boys parents on the morning with other kids in ds class.
4yr old is going to a local scout hut in the afternoon

We are skint. Would you judge us as parents if we gave a box of Maltesers as presents?

It's all we can afford at the moment. I just don't want the parents thinking were cheap skates :-(

Nope, I think I would be impressed that you choose not to rack up debt to buy gifts that, lets face it, don't normally see the light of day after they have been opened.

Good for you

I wouldn't judge either. Get the kids to make the card if you can...it shows it wasn't just a grab a quick/cheap thing with no thought behind it...

Hazel, that's a lovely story.

Would not bother me at all. I would assume parents were on a tight budget , like so many people at the moment, and be glad they made the effort.

Too nervous to regift - certain I'd end up giving the present back to the giver.

Because of the twin thing, half our party invites will be from DTD and the other half from DTS so that people don't feel they have to buy double.

My dc (and !) would be delighted to receive a box of Maltesers.

A box of Maltesers is a lovely present! So much better than most of the horrible plastic tat that children receive at parties!

I would also be happy with a home made card, I'd just be glad your child could come. I don't do the parties with the expectation that DCs get lots of presents. In fact DS is wanting just a couple of friends around for a sleepover for his birthday (soon to be 9). As money is tight in our house too, this suits me fine and he gets what he wants.

My DC's (now young adults/teens) occasionally used to receive really expensive presents from friends. I used to find that awkward as I thought I should probably remember and give a similar present when it was their DC.

I would prefer malteasers over a colouring book etc. Some DC's are not into colouring books at all whereas nearly everyone likes malteasers.

The ONLY present I can remember being given by a friend at a birthday party, was a huge bar of (sainsburys own brand) chocolate. I doubt I remembered the rest after a week.

This bar of chocolate has stuck in my mind for years!

I think it depends on the image you project, where you live, what clothes you wear etc. If I knew you probably didn't have much money then the maltesers would be fine. In many ways I would prefer you came emptied handed. I had a boy coming to my ds's party emptied handed but it was fine because I knew money was tight and was just pleased he came.

If, however, you come from a "better" house in the town and wear the latest clothes and had talked about how many Christmas presents you'd bought the dcs then I would be a bit surprised by the present.

Personally I would buy a book for a £1 rather than the maltesers because it would look like some thought had gone into the present.

Lots of supermarkets have annuals reduced to £1 or £2 at the moment - got dd one yesterday - said £7.99 on the back.

Maltesers sounds good though and easy to wrap.

Do people have present drawers? I have a drawer with presents under the bed and a stock of cards/wrap. Tend to buy stuff in sales or home bargains or book people etc.

Dd chooses a gift for the birthday child from the drawer. Saves rushing out last minute for a present.

Things like lipgloss, nail varnish, jigsaws, books, stickers, board games.

DS1 used to go to a school with a very deprived catchment. We'd invite the whole class to his birthday parties and only 2 or 3 would come, almost certainly because they were embarrassed about not having enough money to buy a present. It made me really sad, and DS1 was always disappointed because lots of his friends didn't come. It would have been much better if the kids had come anyway. It wasn't about presents at all; it was all about celebrating his birthday with his friends. DS doesn't care about presents, and neither do I.

I can totally understand why someone would be too embarrassed to take a child to a party without a present, and would choose not to go at all. But there should be no need to be ashamed about money being tight. It really isn't a personal failing, and (judging by the responses on this thread) almost all other parents invite children to parties simply because they want them to come. There's only one poster that seems to think it's all about the presents.

god Journey do you really think about families' socio-economic status and then decide whether or not their gift is good enough? blimey

I hate the expression "empty-handed" as well. Don't understand people who think like this.

I still remember getting my 'first proper' box of chocs, I was proper chuffed!

I usually default to colouring books, pencils and a sharpener or a sheet of stickers and a nice notepad if I'm skint. Never had a child cry yet

Yeah 'empty handed' implies you expect a present. I think it's bad manners to expect a present.

Oh, I seem to attracted a lot of angry posts, and personal attacks because I suggested that the OP would be judged.

For sure I know that these things shouldn't matter, but lets face it, they do actually.

I'm not saying I keep score at my DCs parties, but there are some who do, and depending if the OP can brazen it out and arrive at a party which cost the birthday boys parents time thought and money with a cheap box of chocs, well and good.

Maybe I do circulate in different groups of people than most here, but there's no need to deride me for it. If we all thougt the same things, it would be very boring wouldn't it?

Personally, I wouldn't dream of showing up for a party or wedding or whatever with a cheap present, as I feel it's disrespectful to those who invested time thought and money in the party.

You cut your cloth to pay your tailor, and if you can't afford a present, you don't go to the party. But that's just how I feel.
I worked for everything I have, and don't feel entitled to go just empty handed, or with a cheap present, because I'm asked.

We are all Tolerant here aren't we?
I wonder what Xenia would say!

Mmmm , I am not sure that helped your cause venus

Well we love Maltezers in Casa Wordfactory.

Case not cause

Venus the trouble is your advice wasn't really relevant to the OP as it is clear that she doesn't circulate in your 'circles' given the fact she is saying she can't afford to buy a gift. It came across as if you were purposely trying to make her feel bad about her situation - its not like she was saying she spent all her money on crack so couldn't buy a present.

I feel that you are quite selfish if you would prefer one of your DCs friends to not come to their party purely because they could not afford a present, thats so unkind.

Surely no one expects people to be tolerant on AIBU!

Venus
Your logic is predicated on the idea that the people organising the party expect presents. Any party I organise is so my children can have fun with their friends, the most valuable thing they can bring is themselves. I am comfortably off, why should people be made to feel unwelcome because I have money to spare at the moment and they don't. Some of our family friends don't have much money and I would never expect them to bring anything. I regard the plate of home made cakes or biscuits they sometimes bring as a wonderful gift because they have put in time and effort which is worth a lot more than simply monetary value.

Greensleeve - Empty handed; presentless; without a gift; didn't bring anything; nothing to give to birthday party's dc do they not all mean the same thing? Aren't we being a bit precious?

It's a case of being sensitive to other people's circumstances as opposed to "deciding whether their gift is good enough". I know families who are struggling and as such I wouldn't want them spending money on my dcs that they couldn't afford. I also wouldn't want them turning down a party invite because they couldn't afford a gift.

You could argue that being ignorant of people's "socio-economic status" could make you insensitive and boastful.