Would you judge us as parents if your child got a crap birthday present at a party?

[M0naLisa]

Me and DH are skint. Our two boys have a party invitation each for Sunday. Only handed out on Monday this week.
6yr old Is going to a day out with birthday boys parents on the morning with other kids in ds class.
4yr old is going to a local scout hut in the afternoon

We are skint. Would you judge us as parents if we gave a box of Maltesers as presents?

It's all we can afford at the moment. I just don't want the parents thinking were cheap skates :-(

I know that the rule of thumb is that at weddings you give a gift that is supposed to represent the cost of hosting you, isn't it? So is that where Venus gets it from?

I am ing a bit at the thought of her trying to suss out how much the parents have laid out on a party before she chooses the gift. Does she ask to see the buffet?

I wouldn't sit and add up how much I thought the presents had cost in order to assess the parents I myself usually try to pick up little toys when they are on offer and keep a few in the cupboard so I'm not spending more than £3-4, but someone like Venus would think it was a bit more.

no I wouldn't

you can get sticker books in the pound shop

ds got far too many presents at his party next year may ask for no presents just not necessary to have so many toys most not played with

I am sure there are very very few parents that give their children a birthday party just so that they can receive gifts. My son's party is coming up soon and I, and he, just want his friends to be together having fun. I spend what I choose to on my son's party because I want him and his friends to have a good time. To be honest, the more kids that come, present or not, the more I feel can justify the expense. I would much rather someone turn up empty handed than not at all.

My kids would love it - though those £1 tubs of fruity chewy sweets would go down even better ;) we tend to grab those at Home Bargains or B&M.

DS1's favourite toy for years was a poundshop transformer knockoff that he was given for his 6th birthday from his friend. Still talks of that toy so fondly.

There would be no judgeyness here. In fact da got something similar from a friend for his bday and he said it was his favourite present

wisemanscamel but your child still has to walk into a party empty handed when everyone else is holding a gift!

No way would I judge you - I know that a lot of mums have a 'present cupboard' that they can just grab something from for a party, something cheap and cheerful.

Once my LO starts to go to parties, he'll be giving Maltesers :)

but who is going to judge a child walking in empty handed not the children they do not care they want to play games and as shown on here most parents would not give it a second thought those that do are not worth worrying about

Nagoo I've never heard that wedding rule of thumb. And I really don't think it's something that exists within my set of friends. If it does, it has totally passed me by! Wedding gifts came from the time when a couple were leaving their parents' homes to set up together - so they'd be starting from scratch together. I reckon that any attempt to say that it needs to represent the cost of the wedding per head would be down to the gift retailers...

I do think that its a bit daft that your child gets invited to a party but somehow this costs you money because of some social showing off for a present. It wasn't so bad when they were little (DS1 seldom got invited any way due to his special needs. Quote from one mother 'Does 'e do parties? Well I suppose he can come but you have to stay with him'. Not sure what she thought my polite, well mannered child was going to do) because you can buy and save things up cheaply. When they get older though, the easy thing is to give money. I always used to give £5 until I realised that the going rate seemed to be £10. For twins that's £20. I'm fortunate that at the mo I can afford this but I still feel a bit ho hummish about competitive present giving. It gets like this at the end of term at school with presents to the teacher. In my school, harvest gets ridiculously showy with some kids unable to carry stuff and completely daft things like champagne bought in (it goes to the Salvation army)

I think maltesers would be fine or what about a plant pot, some seeds and a small bag of compost (i think you can get little ones). Children love little presents so maybe some small things, individually wrapped up in a box?

Venus beggars belief. There was a mum at school who sent out invites to something Very Expensive to all the children in that year group but put on there 'only the first 25 to respond can come'. For adults, the first 7 adults to respond were also being treated to some showy display of vaunting wealth. Unbelievable.

Astley - I think the consensus seems to be that the party child would not care or notice, that 99% of the party child's parents would not care at all, but the invitee would perhaps feel very conspicuous about not bringing a present (if they were unable to), which is a horrid shame.

This is not meant to sound boasty AT ALL, but I had quite a privileged upbringing - ponies and barding school etc. Not that I can afford same for mine, but hey ho. Anyhow, I was great pals with a boy from the village, who was really not at all well off. Not that it mattered to us. It was my 6th birthday, and he came to my party, and bought me The Best Present Ever. It was his bouncy ball, which was much bouncier than my bouncy ball. And he gave it to me! I was made up. And I've always remembered. I knew that he lad less money than me, but did not care. I knew that he did not buy the ball for me but did not care.

Years later, at pal's wedding, I told that story to the people at the table, when we were saying how we knew the Bride and Groom. I may have cried buckets a bit: it was honestly a great present as this was a prized possession to give me, and he's been a lifelong friend. And I was quite well refreshed. Then he said that he was so hard up that he could not afford any other present, that he had to come to party in his school uniform (I did not notice/recall that), and that he did not normally go to parties as he just could not afford it. At that point, almost everyone else cried, incl. all his tough squaddie mates. Honestly, the nice kids, the ones you'd want as friends - they wont mind.

No not at all

But I would eat the Malteasers

In my defence DS is 1 so wouldn't know about it.......

I agree some 99p colouring pencils or a 99p book from Poundstretcher might be better, but I certainly wouldn't judge you. I wouldn't even judge you if you arrived with no present.

It wouldn't cross my mind to judge. I couldn't care less; I mean that in a very literal sense. What's important is all the kids enjoying themselves.
In fact, at our dd's fifth party I specifically requested no presents as it was a whole class job type of party. .

Barding School????? I was not learning how to become Shakespeare. I did go to boarding school, although it's becoming clear I may not have listened much when they taught spelling...

I would not judge you at all.

I'm always embarrassed because we tend to spend around £5 for classmates whereas some of the gifts Ds has received have been really expensive. I don't know how people do it.

What giraffes said. Paying more for presents depending in the venue of the host's party is shallow, to say the least.
How old is the boy? Our toy shop does whoopee cushions and other small bits for a pound. These have been much more appreciated by my DSs than some of the expensive stuff they've got. They would also love Maltesers or one of those big tubes of fruit pastilles or similar, they don't get sweets usually so would be a treat. A party is about the child having a nice time with their friends, I too would be upset if your children didn't come because you couldn't afford a present.

Most of the mums will be relieved that at last,someone has made a stand,,,my boys used to like things like pens with several different colours,stickers,playing cards..look in the charity shop...non one will care

I would be absolutely if dd2 got Malteasers as a present. Seriously. Fab present.

dd2 would be happy too, but wary of her chocolate thieving mum

Apart from the , I owuld also be happy that I would not have to find a home for yet another bit of plastic (they are all very gratefully received, but dd2 will not ever let me get rid of any, even the tattiest of tat has to stay forever-and-ever, as she remembers who gave her each one, and when. Consumable presents therefore go down very well here!)

I would judge a box of maltesers. But certainly not because of its value. Buy a packet of flower seeds, the same value but so much nicer.

I wouldn't judge and I think most people wouldn't, not in the middle of a recession.

At my dd's party, I couldn't honestly tell you who gave what. If you're a bit bashful, don't put the name on the parcel, and don't give it straight to the child - often there's a pile of parcels, and you can just stick it on the pile and they're all mixed up together.

Except it's probably a boy's present, in which case flower seeds probably won't cut the mustard. A small magnifying glass, perhaps? together with a jam jar (you could get your son to colour in a label with the boy's name and give a print out of common garden insects from the internet.

Personally I buy the packs of books from the Book People and spilt them up so I can give a book or two per party. There's often free delivery codes for them so if you get to a point where you can spend £10 or £20 to lay in a stock then there's well worth doing. DCs are different ages so I have multi packs of Roald Dahl, Harry and the Bucketful of Dinosaurs, Dr Seuss, Horrid Henry, Maisie etc. I also use it for gifts to family overseas - helps when the postage is dear! Red House and the catalogues schools sometimes give out are much dearer than Book People.

I would be thrilled to get a consumable gift like Maltesers for either child! I would rather chocolate to most haribo type sweets as I dislike the additives and colourings and my youngest still chokes on things like that. I hate having a load of new stuff after a party that is often junk or something that the youngest is likely to try to eat and choke on - like most party bag toys! Parting DS from gifts, no matter how rubbish, is a nightmare. I also really hate party bags. So many small toys in them now, all junk and mostly unsuitable for young children and dangerous to toddlers. I'd be more than happy with just the slice of cake!

Oh, and I've always regifted unsuitable/duplicate/wrong size gifts(includes most stuff from the MIL!). Nothing wrong with it as long as it's not junk. We have tons of books so the kids often get given a book they already have. I thank the giver politely and whisk it away (DS would happily have 3 books the same!) to a cupboard and use as a future present.

Why wouldn't seeds be suitable for a boy's present? Do only girls enjoy growing things now? Nobody told my sons about this!

I would certainly not judge you for your present. I wouldn't judge someone who brought nothing either. I would assume you were either unable to spend money or had a million other things to do. I loathe this attitude that a present is some sort of entrance pass to a party. A homemade card would be lovely and would be made much of in our house.