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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to just not like nurseries very much?

199 replies

HardlyEverHoovers · 17/01/2013 08:21

Before I had my own child I occasionally had to spend some time in nurseries as part of my studies etc, this made me decide I didn't want to work with children, NOT because I don't like the kids but because I don't really like the environment. Thought I might feel differently with my own BUT went to visit a nursery yesterday, thought this would be the one, lots of likeminded friends love it and send their kids there, but just came out feeling completely uninspired.
It's a general feeling of discomfort but here are some specifics:
They said they would 'assess' my 2 year old, is this really necessary?
They seem to be trying to impose structure on children who are too young to understand it and they just look totally mystified.
They write down virtually everything they do which seems a bit uneccessary.
They showed me the toilet/changing area and it occurred to me that DS would be having his nappy changed by someone other than me or his dad and that makes me uncomfortable.

Am I missing something? Is there a sort of nursery I could try and find which is a bit more 'free range'? I love the idea of forest nurserys where the kids are outside all the time but I can't find any near us.

Thankfully we don't need to send him as at least one of us is at home all day, but just wondering why I feel like this when most people seem to think it's a good thing.

p.s. really really no offence to nursery staff who I know are very skilled, love kids and have mountains of patience.

OP posts:
Gigondas · 17/01/2013 08:32

Yanbu to feel as you do but you are likely to struggle with the idea of a free range. The ey programme means kids have to be assessed but tbh it's quite general (eg how are they playing with other kids, can they recognise letters etc). The diary is just A formal way of noting if they are ok (eg have they eaten, been changed etc). You would ask this kind of thing of someone babysitting so they are just formalising it .

Also your whole tone is a bit judgy and makes my teeth itch- by all means keep your dc at home if you don't need to. Don't post about it ESP as it is likely to get people's backs up. Like feeding , you are entitled to your opinion and others to theirs. Posting like this doesn't look like you are inviting debate- it is saying look at me, I know about this cos of some association in your studies.

Bonsoir · 17/01/2013 08:36

I agree with you: the institutional setting of a nursery is very impersonal for such young children.

The CMs I know provide much more of a home-from-home feel.

Sirzy · 17/01/2013 08:38

You try having 30 pre schoolers running around without any sort semi formal structure to the day.

They 'assess' children so they know how best to help them, what they enjoy and just where they are up to in general

Fakebook · 17/01/2013 08:39

Babies and children love routine. They know what to expect that way. Why on earth would you want your children "running free"? Confused.

The "assessments" make a lovely read when they leave nursery and I'm sure a lot of development problems can be realised early in keeping them. I don't see what the issue is.

A lot of parents have to leave their children in nursery without a choice. You're being snotty and judgemental. And yes,( Captain Obvious strikes again), someone else WILL be changing your baby's nappy. Hmm.

EnglishGirlApproximately · 17/01/2013 08:39

We have a more 'free range' nursery nearby. Mostly outdoors, allotments, woodland walks etc. Its fab but yhey're still have to do assessments and diaries as its a requirement of the eyfs. I'm not sure why it bothers you if you don't plan to use a nursery?

MimmeeBack · 17/01/2013 08:41

YANBU to not like it.
I agree with what has been said about structure being necessary with so many children. Also for children like my DD the structure of nursery has really helped us fall into a routine at home that suits us.

If it is an option, maybe a Montessori nursery might be better suited to you (don't know much about them but they seem to have a very different ethos) or a childminder or nanny who can be more flexible.

Original poster
HardlyEverHoovers · 17/01/2013 08:44

Thanks, the judgemental tone was not intended. Most people I know send kids to nursery and I assumed I would do the same, the feeling of discomfort I felt yesterday came as a surprise.

Bonsoir, thanks, I wonder if I might feel differently about it when he is 3.

OP posts:
Loquace · 17/01/2013 08:45

It's not unreasonable not to like stuff that other people like.

You have your lines in the sand and they don't jibe with the lines in the sand of people who don't share your issues with nuseries.

I still have the lovely "book" the nursery made with photos and comments of DS when he was there. I go all leaky cos...they captured moments that he wouldn't have had at home. He adored their massvie ball pit (I spent every evening trying to fish him out so we could go home..he had other ideas) and when not in themball pit he was in the "kitchen" area, a huge space with really expensive wooden ovens and cupboard...basically a shrunken real kitchen with no gas, but it had water. Not forgetting his weak spot for the enoumous "polenta pit".

It wasn't the first nursery I looked at, I didn't like the first four at all. But this one was great. And he had a very happy two years there.

So nusery was brill for us, but it's not unreasonable if you feel it's not for you.

Convert · 17/01/2013 08:47

The kids don't know that they are being assessed. We move a lot and I have managed to find three lovely nurseries, all have been staffed by caring friendly people who genuinely love the children and my two sons have really blossomed at nursery in to confident little people who socialise well.
I am essentially a sahm and we sent ds1 for a couple of hours a week aged 2 1/2. I'm not really one for toddler groups and I wanted him to mix with other kids his own age. By 3 1/2 he was going two days a week and loved it. Ds2 is 4 and I have chosen to send him to a private nursery for two days instead of a school nursery and he is so happy there.
He doesn't know that the staff write down what he does or that there is a structure really. He is just having a nice time playing.

MimmeeBack · 17/01/2013 08:49

Just looked at the cost of the local Montessori nursery faints £900 for a full week...WHAT???

MimmeeBack · 17/01/2013 08:49

Oh wait for a month...less flabbergasted now. Ignore me!

Original poster
HardlyEverHoovers · 17/01/2013 08:50

Englishgirl, I thought I probably would send him to nursery because it would be good for him, although don't need to from a practical point of view. Asking the questions because I was interested in how other feel about these aspects of it.
Quite glad I posted this before discussing this with anyone in RL, as judging by peoples responses I'll be saying as little as possible about it Wink
Yes the writing down of everything does make sense as you would need to know when they had eaten, if they seemed well etc.

I'm sure there is a nicer word to use than 'assessment' though!

OP posts:
Original poster
HardlyEverHoovers · 17/01/2013 08:53

Mimmee I had though about Montessori, might go and have a look round one of those, though to be honest I'm thinking playgroups might be enough for us now and try again when he's 3.

OP posts:
Gigondas · 17/01/2013 08:54

You may feel differently when he is 3- dd was at home with me/nanny but did a couple of mornings when 2.
She was fine but by time she was 3 she really needed the extra time with other kids and structure of nursery as it was something stimulating that added to what she had at home.

Nancy66 · 17/01/2013 08:55

I don't like nurseries either. I looked at a LOT and there wasn't one I would have felt happy leaving a child at.

However, different mothers like different forms of child care. I would use a CM, au pair or nanny over a nursery any day.

Fakebook · 17/01/2013 08:58

Montessoris teach children independence and make them do things like cleaning furniture/windows, laying the table, taking dishes to the kitchen/washing up and putting on shoes by themselves without help. It's not everyone's cup of tea and far more timetables than a normal nursery.

DoItToJulia · 17/01/2013 08:58

I don't think you are being snotty or judgemental. I had a very similar experience to you...found lovely, local nursery, highly rated by my friends, got a place and just couldn't do it.

The staff were lovely, facilities excellent, children seemed happy. I don't have an aversion to them per se, but I discovered that just couldn't send ds there. I even tried to settle him in (he was fine) it was me that wasn't. I have no rational explanation for it.

When he was 3, so abut 18 months older, I did send him to a pre school nursery and I was fine with that. I think it was because he was older, talking, and I saw it as prep for school.

Go with your gut, and I suspect you are right to not want to discuss with people, some people think that by not liking nursery you are somehow criticising their choice to send their children to one Wink

Original poster
HardlyEverHoovers · 17/01/2013 09:01

Thanks Julia it's nice to know someone else feels the same.

OP posts:
LaCiccolina · 17/01/2013 09:08

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DialsMavis · 17/01/2013 09:10

But surely if you don't want anyone but you changing his nappy or keeping notes about his day, then you don't like CMs either? Most people make the best decision for their family because they have to work, so someone other than them has to look after their DC. Once your DS is 3 and as you don't actually need childcare I assume you would be looking for a pre school environment anyway?

AThingInYourLife · 17/01/2013 09:10

I agree with you.

I don't like institutional settings for toddlers.

I've always used a CM for childcare as a result.

WorraLiberty · 17/01/2013 09:16

I agree with Gigondas

I wouldn't be keen on a nursery for an under 3yr old, especially when they're non verbal...but from about 3yrs onwards my kids thrived at the school nursery.

Spero · 17/01/2013 09:16

If you feel uncomfortable about someone other than you or your partner changing his nappy then no wonder you feel uneasy about nurseries. Frankly, it never even occured to me to have that thought! Hence I was perfectly fine with leaving my daughter in nursery 5 days a week from 7 months. She seems perfectly fine. If other people wouldn't have made that call, that's their choice. They dont have to live my life.

The trouble with these kind of threads is that some people have no choice about nurseries, but feel unhappy with them. So someone like you comes along and stirs up all kinds of horrid feelings because you clearly have a choice about the kind of child care you chose. That is lovely for you, but it is good to tread sensitively because some people don't have a choice.

Icelollycraving · 17/01/2013 09:16

Wow LaCicc,don't sit on the fence!!

DoItToJulia · 17/01/2013 09:16

A beautiful example of what I mean!