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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what the fcuk is actually wrong with so many MIL's?

78 replies

WaynettaSlobsLover · 16/01/2013 23:10

Do they conveniently forget what it's like to have a baby and be a new mum? Why do so many make comments about weight? Why do they assume some wives and gf's can't cook or are lazy? Please God never let me become one of these people.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 16/01/2013 23:12

Maybe MILS wonder what the fuck is wrong with so many DILS?

Titsalinabumsquash · 16/01/2013 23:14

My boyfriend's mum is lovely, I'm looking forward to her being my MIL one day :)

SkinnybitchWannabe · 16/01/2013 23:15

Ive got three sons and Im determined to be the perfect MIL!
I just need to know what a perfect MIL actually is!

WorraLiberty · 16/01/2013 23:15

In my experience it's often 50-50

Some DILs see the MIL as a 'threat' for the love of their DH and therefore they can do nothing right...even if they do or say exactly the same as their own mother they're automatically in the wrong somehow.

I feel sorry for a lot of men who get caught up between their wives an their mum's bickering to be honest...especially if they're expected to take sides.

On the other hand, some MILs are completely insane...though the same could be said for the DILs I suppose.

Original poster
WaynettaSlobsLover · 16/01/2013 23:16

Well I know you would UsualSuspect, since you are a mil. Grin

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 16/01/2013 23:17

ah , but I only have SILs, I don't have any DILs yet.

Hobbitation · 16/01/2013 23:18

Fucked up mother-son relationships, that's what. Sons who can do no wrong, grow up to think they are God's gift. Who have never had to lift a finger. Poor DILs. Mums of boys: please do NOT bring up your boys like this.

WorraLiberty · 16/01/2013 23:18

You don't have to be a MIL to realise that some DILs are prissy princesses though

I'm not a MIL and I can see it

I have friends who have had 2 or 3 MILs in their lives and never got on with any of them...sometimes it's as though their primary aim is to 'get their man away from her'... similar to pissing on his leg and marking territory.

Original poster
WaynettaSlobsLover · 16/01/2013 23:19

Yes it can be 50/50 but the mil should understand how scary it is to come into the family and meet the woman who brought up the love of their life. A mil should be given the utmost respect providing she deserves it. However there seems to be a lot more jealousy on the dude of the mil than the dil. The dil generally wants to just get on with life. The mil generally has a few criticisms or more that they think privately or say outwardly. That's where the problems start.

OP posts:
apostropheuse · 16/01/2013 23:19

I'm beginning to think there's some truth in the old saying...

"A son's your son till he takes a wife
A daughter's your daughter for all of her life"

Grin
Cailinsalach · 16/01/2013 23:21

I am a mil to two sons' partners. They are the two most wonderful women in my life and dil1 is such a brilliant Mum to my pfgc.
I dont see them very often, live in a different country, and I suspect that may be the foundation of our mutual admiration.

Original poster
WaynettaSlobsLover · 16/01/2013 23:21

Dils should show more respect sometimes, I agree. From the culture my mil is from, I'm obliged not to argue with her. That hasn't exactly worked, but I still give her a hell of a lot of respect, but her little gifts now and then and make effort to see her etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
WaynettaSlobsLover · 16/01/2013 23:22

Cailin I bet they love you too

OP posts:
apostropheuse · 16/01/2013 23:22

I think the MIL's must be doing something ok. They produced and raised sons that their DIL's wanted to marry.

It's all a bit bizarre really.

AlfalfaMum · 16/01/2013 23:22

Titsalina we all think that before... Grin

EnjoyResponsibly · 16/01/2013 23:23

I heart my MIL. She rocks.

Original poster
WaynettaSlobsLover · 16/01/2013 23:25

About the 'mummy's boys' thing, that is a massive issue for some dils. That's why my four year old can make his own toast, helps me do washing and clears up his toys. In dh's culture, boys are waited upon by mummy.

OP posts:
Cailinsalach · 16/01/2013 23:30

I have a strategy! I decided that whoever my sons loved, I would too. I also decided that I would never criticise or be negative in any way despite perhaps holding a contrary opinion. I also approach every dil situation with a " how canI support you" philosophy. So far so good.

ceeveebee · 16/01/2013 23:31

I had a good relationship with MIL until I had children. Then the interfering started.

Original poster
WaynettaSlobsLover · 16/01/2013 23:32

Cailin, I ask you on behalf of many of us, please set up workshops or something. There would be a revolution

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 16/01/2013 23:36

I love both my ddsil. It never occurred to me that I'd signed up to a Monstrous Regiment when my sons fell in love with them. They seem to like me too. But then we don't do interference in our family. We do mutual respect.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/01/2013 23:40

Interestingly my ex-MIL hated me and I her. My ex-H was her Golden Child, could do no wrong, perfection actually a lying druggie. Her other DIL she loved and DIL loved her. This was the wife of the Black Sheep hardworking family man. When I was getting divorced, DBIL was the only one who asked how I was and said it all must he hard for me. I married the wrong brother.

wiltingfast · 16/01/2013 23:40

Well you don't wxactly have a scientific sample on MN though do you? Internet naturally a younger generation's game, dils with nice/good/wonderful/average mils aren't using MN to vent about it. So not v balanced.

Plus personally I think the mils get an unfairly hard time tbh. Take the new baby scenario, it's just so alien to me that you would set about excluding closest family such as your husband's mother. I think a lot of dils forget that it is not all about them. The same dils would be on here giving out madly if their mother was being excluded. All a bit mad imo.

Backtobedlam · 16/01/2013 23:41

YANBU-I'm going to be a brilliant mil as I know so many things not to do. May have to write them down though in case I forget in old age.

Pandemoniaa · 17/01/2013 00:01

Internet naturally a younger generation's game,

Er, no. Some of us were using computers before the internet was invented. In fact, an older generation actually invented it. So we aren't all doddery old gimmers who get confused by technology.

Although you wouldn't expect a balanced survey to be conducted on AIBU anyway.

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