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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what the fcuk is actually wrong with so many MIL's?

78 replies

WaynettaSlobsLover · 16/01/2013 23:10

Do they conveniently forget what it's like to have a baby and be a new mum? Why do so many make comments about weight? Why do they assume some wives and gf's can't cook or are lazy? Please God never let me become one of these people.

OP posts:
wonkylegs · 17/01/2013 00:02

My MIL is fab, my mum however is seriously hard work.

ZooAnimals · 17/01/2013 00:03

I think all mothers are the same, you just tolerate it better from you own DM, or possibly you've grown up around their strange ways so the 'eccentricities' don't notice as much as MIL's.

Original poster
WaynettaSlobsLover · 17/01/2013 00:09

So does anyone else here have a mil from a different culture?

OP posts:
Sailormercury · 17/01/2013 00:09

My MIL got my DS a cat toy for Xmas Angry

SignoraStronza · 17/01/2013 00:09

My MIL is awesome.Grin Get on with her so much better than my own mother in fact.

LadyBeagleEyes · 17/01/2013 00:11

Ds is 17, he's got his first girlfriend and he's staying with the family tomorrow night.
Waaaaah.

redandwhitesprinkles · 17/01/2013 00:19

I love my mil just find she had no social boundaries. We live away from both parents and mine say I'd there anything we can do? She ( not my fil!) washes things in machine tat ate hand wash-I have said-don't you b washing ( on pain of death and I don't like it and it is ignored).

I have friends the same age ad my mil and they are fab....,

TameGaloot · 17/01/2013 00:25

I agree with worra
And I'm a dil with three young sons
Wish me luck

TheSecondComing · 17/01/2013 00:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frasersmummy · 17/01/2013 00:32

You have grown up with your own mum she understands you better than anyone and you understand her. You know when you can stand your ground and you know when to leave well alone
With my mum we could have a blazing row and know that it would all be ok the next day (well sometimes it took a few days when she was being stubborn.. not me NOOOI'm not stubborn Grin

But with inlaws you dont have the same level of understanding and the love isnt unconditional

so it makes harder to deal with conflict.

Of course you are not endeared to your mil when you decide to try and get things out in the open and say .. look why dont you like me and what can i do to change that and the reply you get is..

you are not good enough for my son you live in a council house, you arent slim and you arent blonde.. thats what I want for my son

Delayingtactic · 17/01/2013 00:49

I'm from a different culture to my MIL and we get on well. There was some teething issues at the beginning but her (and my FIL) have gone out of their way to help me personally and me and DH as a unit. They've even put themselves massively out to help my dsis. I have to say I don't think I show my appreciation enough, especially given the horror stories on here.

This is all despite the fact that DH is her only child.

JusticeCrab · 17/01/2013 01:01

Luckily, my DM and my DW get on very well. My MIL has a LOT of issues, some of which can be really frustrating at times - particularly her issues around food - but it's because she's had a rough life, and she's basically a good sort. I don't know how she's going to act when the baby comes, though.

aurynne · 17/01/2013 02:48

I think the secret of a good MIL-DIL relationship is for both parties to admit and recognize they are just adult human beings, both deserving of the same consideration and respect as if they were strangers meeting in a third party's house. None of them has the God-given right to tell the other what to do or what to think.

My soon-to-be-MIL is from a different culture to mine. She is fantastic. She minds her own business and I mind mine. My DM, on the other hand, is a controlling-interfering kind of woman. Thank goodness she never has had sons, and that she lives in a different country!

LRDtheFeministDragon · 17/01/2013 02:54

waynetta - yes, I do, why?

She's lovely.

Same qualities make for a horrible relationship whether you're a DIL or a MIL - not being able to be tolerant and pleasant and try to like someone. I don't think it's rocket science.

AdoraBell · 17/01/2013 03:00

Mine thinks she is the matriarch, simple as that. She's the boss, I'm supposed to be a good little girl and do/eat/read/raise DC/shop as she says, oh and live where she says too, and defer to her instead of have an opinion of my own. It would also be good if I could do all that without taking her son awayWink

I did find it amusing when her own son (my OH) told her that she is the reason he moved across the planet.

ripsishere · 17/01/2013 03:04

My late MiL was a horrible nasty jealous women. I married her golden child. She never forgave me for that.
I have extra lists of transgressions that she actually wrote out and posted to me.
Not sure where they went TBH.

aurynne · 17/01/2013 04:13

ripsishere that's a pity they got lost. I would actually frame them and use them for general hilarity during family gathering and parties!

mynewpassion · 17/01/2013 04:19

The question, I am sure, many son-in-laws ask just as many daughter-in-laws. There are more women on this forum than men so we just don't hear the other MIL stories.

Loveweekends10 · 17/01/2013 04:30

No my MIL is fab. She had 6 kids but has only ever been really helpful to me.

humblebumble · 17/01/2013 04:35

My MIL is great. She has always been very supportive of us and she truly loves her DGC and both my DH and me. She can be a pain too. She isn't perfect, but nor am I.

IceNoSlice · 17/01/2013 04:46

My MIL is great (so is FIL for that matter). I agree with the poster who said that the good ones just don't get talked ranted about that much compared to the insane ones. Folks is just folks, some nice some not so nice.

ripsishere · 17/01/2013 04:50

Yes, can't imagine which bin I put it into.
It was all to do with me stifling his employment chances by forcing him to drive a bus when he'd been to Oxford, not giving him children which were rightfully his, not converting to catholicism, not ironing his bus drivers uniform, not cooking a meal for him every night, not changing my surname to theirs.......................
She overlooked the fact that I was working much longer hours than him, he wasn't fussed about either children or ironed clothes and he has two hands to cook with.

ComposHat · 17/01/2013 04:58

What you get on here is one sided of a story, in a stormy relationship with a MIL they have got free reign to paint themselves as the wronged party and to paint the mother in law as the villain of the piece. - I imagine that if this was MothersinLawnet, it would be filled with tales of ungrateful, spiteful and generally unpleasant daughters in law.

AlienReflux · 17/01/2013 05:11

I've had some really tough times with my MIL. She's strange in the extreme, and has been awful in times of need, like when I gave birth 2 months early and she came to see baby in NICU and blamed me, because I had been to see a band while pregnant.

That's just one of many,, I've always tolerated her, and always make an effort, she's my DPs mum, and I'm not convinced she hasn't got MH issues.

Coralanne · 17/01/2013 05:26

I said on another thread that I don't know any MIL's who interfere in their DC's lives.

WRONG, I have ONE friend (who coincidentially doesn't work). The rest of my MIL friends work full time.

Her DD has sat on a pedestal from the day she was born. When DD married, her DH joined her there.

However, this is where it gets interesting. Her DS met a girl online , starting going out with her and 12 months later they are engaged and living together.

Friend is constantly criticising this poor girl for doing exactly the same things that her DD's DH does. (are you still with me Grin)

She's a slob, a pig, eats too much junk. Never cleans up after herself.

I think she is a lovely very attractive girl and get on really well with her. She's also extremely good for friend's DS. Gives him lots of attention, encourages him to go for things he wants.

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