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Original poster

Help - found bank letter re challenging over 1k spend in gentlemans club

276 replies

Letstryagain · 16/01/2013 20:43

Looked in h pocket when moving jackets and found a bank letter re his challenge over 1k spend in 'gentlemans' club - looked at dates and it was a weekend I was away, he was out but never mentioned going there. I have no issues with these places but wonder why he didn't say he was there & also how could anyone spend over 1,000 at a place like that? What do I do - say I saw it? Am raging? He had told me he was disputing a spend in debenhams!! Help!!!

OP posts:
delboysfileofax · 18/01/2013 14:41

and all 20 of them were victims of sexual abuse were they? all of them decided to become strippers because of that?

Crawling · 18/01/2013 14:43

I was also amazed that they put make up in the weirdest places as im sure having worked with them you know just to prove I did actually meet with them. I also happen to know most of the pole dancers did at least 2 hours exercise a day in order to be fit enough to work the pole.

Crawling · 18/01/2013 14:44

No not all twenty one told me a harrowing story another had a abusive boyfriend but I didnt know the rest that well just quick hello in the changing rooms.

Crawling · 18/01/2013 14:47

The one who shared her story was very close to me for a time at least. We all knew about the abusive boyfriend as she spent hours covering bruises.

delboysfileofax · 18/01/2013 14:49

Crawling i dont mean this to be a personal battle. its just i think its too far to equate strippers with prostitutes, to infer that they all have been victims of sexual abuse etc. The same old stuff always gets trotted out with this sort of thing by people who hate strip clubs. Fair enough if an individual hates them, its the bullshit which gets spouted in an attempt to make everyone hate them which annoys me.

Its a simple fact that most who work there are "ordinary" women who are trying to earn a living. They dont need to be ridiculed or pitied or an assumption made that they are vunerable

Crawling · 18/01/2013 14:51

Some probably are just normal people but many are not and thats enough reason not to go near them.

HighBrows · 18/01/2013 14:53

Delboyfileofax in what capacity did you work in a strip club, eg. bouncer, dj etc?

delboysfileofax · 18/01/2013 14:54

i was security there- not a massive fan of the term bouncer

HighBrows · 18/01/2013 14:56

Ok sorry about that Blush the last time I was out security was called bouncer!

OP said that the husband was kinda threatened for the payment, would this happen, do you think?

WilsonFrickett · 18/01/2013 14:58

No del, it's a simple fact that in your experience and as far as you know most of them are 'ordinary' women. You know - what? 20 stories out of thousands. You are taking your experience and extending that to cover an entire industry with a positive glow. Fair enough, you have a vested interest I suppose. But don't ask others to join in with your denial.

(Although while I don't want to derail into semantics, women who have been abused, trafficked, pimped, bullied etc still are 'ordinary')

delboysfileofax · 18/01/2013 15:03

no probs! a lot of colleagues like the term but i think its got bullying undertones to it and i hate bullies.

In answer to your question completely depends on the club. if it was a chain club, not a chance. some small pokey out of the way type place- possibly. all it would take is a phone call to the police if that was the case...
But on a number of occassions groups of lads come in and get on the ale big time. They come in as a group of 10 and that bar bill is quite small to be honest. one by one they filter out as it gets later and before you know it one unlucky sod is dipped for paying the tab because his mates have gone. they realise how much it is so try and get out of it and argue with the manager. security are called in case they get stroppy with said manager

HandbagCrab · 18/01/2013 15:05

It's part of the myth isn't it? All lap dancers are earning thousands whilst they study for their MSc in economics and before they take the hedge fund job and move back to middle class Surrey. There was an article about it in the guardian a few months back.

If my dh spent nearly 2k in a lap dancing club he'd be out on his arse. Even if we were millionaires. It's beyond disrespectful.

delboysfileofax · 18/01/2013 15:05

wilson. But is that not what you are doing? taking an example and applying it to all?

I knew the word normal would get jumped on thats why i did the commas!

HighBrows · 18/01/2013 15:09

I wish the OP would come back with an update.

I agree HandbagCrab it is a myth.

Delboy it just sounds so sordid the way these clubs operate and I do believe most of the dancers are exploited.

Greythorne · 18/01/2013 15:10

Funny how the euphemisms abound:

"Gentlemen's Club" not naked women club or strip joint
"Security" not bouncer
"lapdance" not sex organs proximity to nose dance
"pole dance" not simulation of sex with phallic object dance

Greythorne · 18/01/2013 15:13

It's all part of the continuum of normalising the sex industry:

the tart with the heart narrative
the clever student pole-dancing just so she doesn't need to take out a student loan

delboysfileofax · 18/01/2013 15:14

Yeah some of them are (i no longer have an interest as i dont work there any more) but its not a myth. There were students there, mums there all sorts really.

Yes they can be seedy especially when they're quiet and you do witness some depressing things. But like i said earlier some make massive money there.

I just believe it should be the womans choice to work there. If you dont like strip clubs- dont go. It doesnt need people crusading for the people who work in them.

Greythorne · 18/01/2013 15:18

I do agree with that in a way, as it's an argument I often use with anti-abortionists....'you don't agree with abortion? then don't have one'

But this thread is actually about a man with a wife and family who is not only going to these clubs, but lying about it, spending ???????? that the family (presumably) can ill afford and then lying again, saying the dispute is soemthing to do with Debenhams (FFS!) and, to top it all, the OP is scared of confronting him just in case he gets pissed off about snooping.

Forgive us if this case does not seem to be a good argument in favour of: "If you don't like strip clubs, don't go"

AnyFucker · 18/01/2013 15:19

Is security solely for the arsey non payers then ? No other role at all? Strangely, I don't require protection to do my job.

delboysfileofax · 18/01/2013 15:21

Agreed- i do think the bloke was out of order completely. for lying to her, and for spending an obscene amount of their family money. i dont think he was out of order for going in the first place though

delboysfileofax · 18/01/2013 15:23

Anyfucker- its a licence requirement usually as with all licenced premises open past 11.

Arsey customers, pissed customers, stopping fights, making sure no one touches the dancers etc

HandbagCrab · 18/01/2013 15:25

It says a lot about our society when a woman has more earning power in her naked tits than in her talents or intelligence.

Greythorne · 18/01/2013 15:28

Anyfucker has it on the nail.

And strange, if these men are just going to these places to watch, that security is needed to stop them touching the women.

Surely, they know the rules of engagement? But they choose to ignore them. and need "security" to remind them.

whateveritakes · 18/01/2013 15:32

Good point HandbagCrab.

Strip clubs undermine women. Perhaps the ones making a ton of money are happy with it. But it's still sends out a shit message that women are entertainment and that tits and fannies are for sale.

delboysfileofax · 18/01/2013 15:33

They know them- they're given a spiel on the way in.

But yes some do break the rules. I can put my hand on my heart though and say that i have thrown far far more men and women out of nightclubs for sexually assaulting someone than i have in a strip club. I think thats because they think they can get away with it in a nightclub though

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