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Original poster

Help - found bank letter re challenging over 1k spend in gentlemans club

276 replies

Letstryagain · 16/01/2013 20:43

Looked in h pocket when moving jackets and found a bank letter re his challenge over 1k spend in 'gentlemans' club - looked at dates and it was a weekend I was away, he was out but never mentioned going there. I have no issues with these places but wonder why he didn't say he was there & also how could anyone spend over 1,000 at a place like that? What do I do - say I saw it? Am raging? He had told me he was disputing a spend in debenhams!! Help!!!

OP posts:
tjah04 · 18/01/2013 12:08

Genteman clubs are not all about people stripping. Mostly and especially during the day, they are private clubs and no dancers but hostesses who attend to your table personally fully clothed. No different from a resturant really. Yes these hostesses go on to strip in the evening but it is fairly far from vile or seedy.

WilsonFrickett · 18/01/2013 12:08

Yes, it is a dark industry so why play a part in making it seem more acceptable? I don't buy The Sun. Don't use porn. Couldn't be with anyone who did, either. Wouldn't be friends with someone who visited a lapdancing club. Don't think it's 'normal' behaviour. Don't say 'are you getting a stripper' when someone's talking about a hen or stag night. Didn't go to the ping-pong show in Thailand. I try hard to make my actions consistent with my beliefs.

HighBrows · 18/01/2013 12:13

If that's the case why not go to a normal restaurant? I'll hazard a guess you tjah04 you and men like you like to have get your egos fluffed by someone and you the only way that can happen is if you pay for it. Your posts say an awful lot about you and your sympathisers.

tjah04 · 18/01/2013 12:16

Hang on...who said I was male???? I have NEVER said that!!!!!

This proves my point HighBrows you are assuming it is a male industry and women can partake too!!!!

And I have NEVER paid for anything of the kind!!!!!

So my posts obviously do not say too much about me if you cannot even get my sex right!!!!

Crawling · 18/01/2013 12:18

No I don't buy the sun nor have I listed strip clubs or seen a man strip. I don't feel any less disgust at a woman exploiting these women.

I have a problem with anyone visiting not just my partner hope that clears this up. I don't participate in the sex industry.

HighBrows · 18/01/2013 12:21

Well why the hell are you bringing clients to 'gentlemen's clubs'..... if you are not a not so gentleman...

Never in all my years working in the city have I even entertained staff, suppliers or clients in a 'gentlemen's club'...

Hmm
tjah04 · 18/01/2013 12:26

I respect your resolve.

I can't say the same. Although I do not do strippers I do think dita Von Teece is beautiful, I read the sun occasionally and I have read 50 shades.

For me to say I don't partake would be lying! It doesn't make me a bad or vile human in any way!

Greythorne · 18/01/2013 12:55

I don't read or buy The Sun on principle.

I don't buy or use porn on principle.

I don't read 50 Shades because it does not interest me for one second.

I don't go to Chippendales type / strip joints on principle.

Believe it or not, tjah04 there are people who are not sucked into the world of paying for sexual thrills.

I also don't have a boring sex life. I have a partner I love and respect and what we do in a consenting relationship is very exciting and fun.

Some people do think about Page 3 and its effects, you know. Not all of us are automatons sleep walking into situations where sexual exploitation is happening.

Look at one of the first mainstream soft porn films, Emmanuelle. In the 70s, it played ion mainstream cinemas and was all about opening up repressed middle class people to a world of exotic, sexual awakening. Lovely.

Except years later it came out that the lead actress had been sexually abused as a nine year old and she went on to lead a difficult life including an addiction to cocaine.

tjah04 · 18/01/2013 13:59

Hang on.....Your all to focused on being protesting that you have missed my points:

I have said yes extortion goes on but many do make choices to work in these clubs - a balanced view is needed

That the sex industry extends far beyond strip clubs

That Women are as responsible for this fact then Men

NEVER have I said that anyone should not agree with the industry or that people are being sucked in by it but the fact is that it is all around us and I applaude you if you are one of the few who recognise this and do make steps to not join it. However the facts speak for themselves - 50 shades most popular book being one - SEX SELLS.

And I have never made reference to (or want to know) how exciting ones life is in the bedroom.

Whilst you all have come up with very good examples of indivduals who were caught up in the trade due to being forced or abused, you are failing to acknowledge those who do it because they feel liberated / want to get out of debt etc.....

Above all my main objection was to the fact that a man came on and highlighted this and everyone jumped on him.

Greythorne · 18/01/2013 14:04

I don't know what your last post adds to the debate.

tjah04 · 18/01/2013 14:07

I am not sure telling me about the exciting sex you have with your husband does either but I am sure you thought you had a point!!

Crawling · 18/01/2013 14:14

I never said all women were abused just that many of them have low confidence and low inhibitions and self belief or faith in men because of abuse.

NO One said all were abused. As for 50 shades that is a book which has hurt no One. Anyone who can jerk off knowing the object of fantasie has a high chance of doing this as a result of being abused is vile and sick IMO.

So what if some want to do it the majority are taking advantage of women who have been abused and it doesnt matter how much people protest it is wrong regardless of whether its a man or woman.

Crawling · 18/01/2013 14:16

tjah How high must the percentage of abuse victims be before you think its wrong to jerk off to a exploited woman?

delboysfileofax · 18/01/2013 14:21

Crawling- how many women working in strip clubs have YOU spoken to. Not a study, not a piece of research, from you personally talking to them?

How are they exploited?

Greythorne · 18/01/2013 14:23

tjah04

Well, I was aware that I was coming across as very po-faced and "anti" everything, so I mentioned my (happy) sex life as a counter to the myth that extra marital sexual activity / porn / strip clubs are what adds spice to one's sex life.
:)

delboysfileofax · 18/01/2013 14:24

By the way- have looked online for any studies related to dancers and abuse as children. Couldnt find anything relating to the uk. there was plenty to do with prostitution but nothing to do with strip clubs

Crawling · 18/01/2013 14:25

still here del boy as I said to you women don't tell their co workers they have been abused so it doesn't matter how many I've worked with. Also I see you've come back after saying you were going to research I take it you didnt get the answers you wanted and thats why your back to pathetically whining but I've worked with them they would have told me if they have been abused.

tjah04 · 18/01/2013 14:29

I do not think anyone would disagree with you Crawlings - I certainly do not.

I just think it does not fully represent the industry and it is a shame that it is overshadowed by people who are exploited and abused.

Just as anyone who wears primark clothes or eats onions. - Exploitation is everywhere!!!! This one is easier to pick from the pile because it brings sex into the equation but it dismisses the fact that many also take part consensually.

Anyway I must dash and pick the LO's up from school but it was good speaking with you all.

Crawling · 18/01/2013 14:29

So deploy how high a proportion would be unacceptable?
You come across as narrow minded and arrogant refusing to believe that these women don't just wave their fancies at you because your so hot and they get a sexual thrill for the honour of it. pathetic that some people have such a cap sex life they have to pay someone to arouse them id be mortified if it was me.

delboysfileofax · 18/01/2013 14:30

pathetic whining?? get over yourself. i've clearly stated that i've looked and couldnt find anything. I'm not the one with the agenda here. You disagree with strip clubs-fine. But dont pretend you know anything about them. I thought about being an astronought once. doesnt mean im an expert on nasa

tjah04 · 18/01/2013 14:30

Grin I know you was Grey - Just messing with you!

delboysfileofax · 18/01/2013 14:32

"waving their fancies at me?"
Its not difficult- im not a patron of strip clubs. I. used. to. work. at. one.
Again how many strippers have you spoke to?

delboysfileofax · 18/01/2013 14:34

and None of the strippers i used to work with got a sexual thrill from it at all. it was all about money and a lot of it

Greythorne · 18/01/2013 14:37

Yes, exploitation is everywhere. So let's just give up. Accept strip joints on every high street. Buy clothes manufactured using child labour. Drink coffee harvested by workers who receive mere pennies for a day's work. Take illegal drugs that have been trafficked in the rectum of a south American mule.

Hmm
Crawling · 18/01/2013 14:38

Actually I worked with 20 when I was 17/18 there was act every Saturday night which involved them i knew them well and being a woman they did share things with me and while I wont betray their stories some were harrowing.

I had a job offer from them and would have taken it had it not been for my wonderful dp. Does that satisfy you?