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AIBU?

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Original poster

Son's wife and my grandchild

999 replies

Frenchspeak · 16/01/2013 20:36

Hello
Have changed my name to protect privacy, I apologise in advance as this might be very long and rambling. Basically I want to get some views from you to help me sort this issue

The issue is that I feel pushed out of my son?s life. I get on ok with his wife but i have always found her difficult and this has been made worse since they had a child.

When she first had the baby they requested only 2 visitors at a time. I can understand that they didn?t want to be overwhelmed with guests but feel parents and siblings are different. I wanted to see the baby with my husband and other son. This meant that my other sons girlfriend needed to come as well. So there would have been 4 of us. My son stated to please stick to what was originally said. We did do this but I feel resentful that I didn?t agree to it first of all, and that I couldn?t see my boys all together. I know this may sound silly, but i wanted to take photos of my husband, and both sons holding the baby.

This has come to a head because I was trying to organise a family party so everyone could see baby. My son said it seemed a nice idea but thought his wife might find it a bit full on. Surprise surprise, she doesn?t think she?s up to it and wants to have time just the 3 of them. I suggested she might want to just come for a couple of hours and then go home to rest. But she said she?d be taking the baby home with her. She seems to forget that we are her child?s family and need to be included.

I have tried talking to my son about it and he understands. But things just stay the same and it is very frustrating.

OP posts:
ReneandGeorgetteMagritte · 17/01/2013 00:52

Hello again ReneandGeorgetteMagritte. That is why I want to get this issue sorted. We had problems before and my son made it clear he will stand by his wife even if he disagrees.

What did you do last time?

Did you summon your son for a chat perchance?

Can you REALLY not see what you are doing?

DumSpiroSpero · 17/01/2013 00:52

my son made it clear he will stand by his wife even if he disagrees.

Bloody good for him - now take the hint and back off before you lose him completely.

You come across as fairly coherent in your posts - I cannot believe you are so blinkered/self-obsessed/ignorant/thick that you can't see what you are risking by pursuing this ridiculous non-issue.

SilverOldie · 17/01/2013 00:52

I've never heard anything so outrageous. The dog lounges about? Why isn't it doing the laundry and ironing your DS's shirts or cooking?

I hope your DS and DIL find the strength to cut you out of their lives. You are vile.

MrsHoarder · 17/01/2013 00:53

Huzzah! Your son is a man with a backbone and a sense of duty to his wife and mother of his child. There is no issue to get sorted, you just have to let DiL call the shots. Your mistake was not previously trying to get as friendly as possible by gritting your teeth and making her feel welcome (I think MiL probably thinks I'm a bit odd for many reasons, but she has always welcomed my as the woman her son loves).

5madthings · 17/01/2013 00:53

You think her mum is a 'lioness' what the hell does that make you?!!

elizaregina · 17/01/2013 00:53

"That is why I want to get this issue sorted. We had problems before and my son made it clear he will stand by his wife even if he disagrees. "

Disagrees with who!!

Sons who have mothers like you op - tend to have to learn to face you down because you have been so over bearing thier whole lives they tend to learn to just avoid you or pretend they agree with you just for peace or plain fear really....so you think he disagrees with you when infact he is being liberated from you!

you have no perspective or empathy or sympathy you have an innate refusal to look at any body elses point of view....thats after 742 messages - minus one.

DoodlesNoodles · 17/01/2013 00:53

The Dog ?

IamtheZombie · 17/01/2013 00:53

Can we get this thread up to 800 posts in the next 5 minutes or so please? Just so Zombie can go to bed safe in the knowledge that she'll only need to plough through 200 when she wakes up?

Ta muchly!

NorthernLurker · 17/01/2013 00:53

I'm on Team dil's mum - show those claws Lioness Mum! Raaaaaaaaaaaaah! Grin

Original poster
Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 00:53

Hello ReneandGeorgetteMagritte. I made it clear they should not be getting married.

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 17/01/2013 00:53

I'm starting to like the sound of the baby's dad.

And am also interested in knowing if the dog likes big brother.

Lollydaydream · 17/01/2013 00:53

smadthings I really want to know, I'm going to be dreaming about dogs washing dishes, pushing hoovers and gardening.

HeadfirstForHalos · 17/01/2013 00:53

".Does the dog dry hump your leg op? Is that the problem? "

Maybe he doesn't and that is the problem Grin

merrymouse · 17/01/2013 00:54

I think the op is increasingly channelling claudine from Malory towers.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 17/01/2013 00:54

That's the spirit, OP. "Lazy yet gets a cuddle". Pffft, eh? Lazy dogs, always lying around. Why, it's clear to anyone that a dog shouldn't be rewarded with cuddles unless they do something. A trick. Fetching a stick, that sort of thing.

In fact, possibly that's why your DIL didn't want you cuddling her baby for too long? Might encourage layabout habits, eh what? All that cuddling, and yet newborn babies are SO LAZY. Can't even be arsed to roll over. Teaches 'em bad habits to allow them in the lounge, if you ask me.

Bobyan · 17/01/2013 00:54

Could the dog be the best man?

5madthings · 17/01/2013 00:54

Why should the dog be outside? Its his home!!

I know who i would be putting out into the garden...

piprabbit · 17/01/2013 00:54

5 - some sort of cuckoo?

Original poster
Frenchspeak · 17/01/2013 00:55

Hello DoodlesNoodles. No he is very big.

Hello NorthernLurker. I think there would be trouble if I went round when her mum was there.

OP posts:
Helium123 · 17/01/2013 00:55

You should be proud of your son if he will stand by his wife no matter what.
You should be trying to support that.

It sounds like you will only be happy if they did everything you asked or broke up. Do you not realise there is a child in the middle of all this. It sounds like they have a tight family unit now and the only problem is you.

Why can't you be a decent parent/grandparent and be a good support in their (all 3 of their) lives? That's the way it should be, rather than making it all about you and everything they do, everything they have has to be what you would do/have?

piprabbit · 17/01/2013 00:55

In the sense of a next invader Grin

HeadfirstForHalos · 17/01/2013 00:55

Going off topic from the wolf dog, what are your views on feminism French? Would you consider yourself a feminist?

piprabbit · 17/01/2013 00:55

nest - not next - sorry.

ReneandGeorgetteMagritte · 17/01/2013 00:56

fascinated as I am, I have to go to bed. If you are a real person, I hope you take notice of all the real DILs saying you can't be a real person as no-one real is this awful, even their own awful MILs.

ClayDavis · 17/01/2013 00:56

She also enjoys watching these celebrity television programmes and the like.

OP, this sentence here was where you over egged the pudding. Try better next time.

Do tell us more about the dog though.