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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my daughter go to Newquay

103 replies

Karris73 · 15/01/2013 12:45

My daughter really wants to go to Newquay to celebrate completing her GCSEs and after reading online I have said no. Am I unreasonable

OP posts:
UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 15/01/2013 19:49

PS - most of the drunken loutish behaviour in Newquay is now actually caused by adults - stag and hen parties, with people aged 30+ the main culprits.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 15/01/2013 19:50

Newquay is having to do a lot to deal with drunken behaviour from children whose parents have let them go there after GCSEs. There have also been deaths.

I wouldn't let her go.

hopeful92 · 15/01/2013 19:52

If she is going to take drugs, she is going to do it regardless of whether or not she goes to Newquay. If she is going to have sex with a random boy, she is going to do it whether or not she goes to Newquay.

If she is going to be 16 when she goes, I really don't see a problem with it. If she has a good head on her, talk to her before she goes, don't talk at her, this pees teenagers right off (as a 20, nearly 21 year old it wasn't long ago I was 16!) Speak with her about your concerns and if you are satisfied she understands the implications of dangerous actions then let her go, if she turns round and tells you she will do what she wants, then don't let her!

But for the sake of this thread, yes, YABU.

Ineedmorepatience · 15/01/2013 19:54

Yanbu, my Dd2 asked, I said no chance.

I agree with ariel and I dont think the people of Newquay want their town full of drunked/vommiting 16 yr olds.

Writehand · 15/01/2013 19:55

YANBU. I know far too much about the "scene" at Newquay post-GCSEs and neither of my DSs were allowed anywhere near it. I am a sweet and pliable woman but in this case I was steel. Not an inch would I budge.

Every year some kid falls off the cliffs. I've seen the clubs, the wreckage, the vomiting, the police. It's become a tradition in our part of the country: go down there at 16 and get as wrecked and wild as you possibly can. The locals are sooo sick of it, and despite them trying to prevent underage drinkers & caravan orgies you get the situation where middle class parents have been seen off-loading kids from nice cars with their own supplies of alcohol... I really couldn't believe this but it happens.

mademred · 15/01/2013 20:04

Why on earth are you cleaning her room?if she can't be trusted to keep her own space tidy I would certainly think twice about allowing her to go to Newquay.my 18 yr old dd is very clever but has no common sense, and now lives by herself and worries me, yet my 12 yr old is so sensible I think I could send her around the world and not worry and she cleans her own room!

mademred · 15/01/2013 20:05

Why on earth are you cleaning her room?if she can't be trusted to keep her own space tidy I would certainly think twice about allowing her to go to Newquay.my 18 yr old dd is very clever but has no common sense, and now lives by herself and worries me, yet my 12 yr old is so sensible I think I could send her around the world and not worry and she cleans her own room!

thebody · 15/01/2013 20:26

Hopeful agree with all you say BUT as a 21 year old, even if you are a mum, you can't possibly understand the terrible anxiety felt by a parent at this. I swear I am not being patronising here just stating a fact.

My oldest ds went to kavos at 17and second to Thailand at 17 Both visits involved police, hospitals and embassies.. None if this their faults but its ageing and incredibly stressful.

Learnt lesson with teen dds,,, no just no no no till 18.

thebody · 15/01/2013 20:29

Can I add as we are an accident prone family and dd 12 also badly injured abroad on a school trip.

Bloody hell.. Need wine.

hopeful92 · 15/01/2013 20:43

thebody Well I think you will find that was terribly patronising. I think you will find a lot of 17 year olds manage to go on holiday on their own without it ending in Police, embassy etc.... Just a thought...

dexter73 · 15/01/2013 20:51

My brother had a terrible time in Thailand when he was 18. Bought some dope, got arrested and had to phone my parents to send him some money to bribe the police. I'm surprised my parents didn't turn to drink while he was away.

PrincessOfChina · 15/01/2013 20:53

Can you think of an alternative as a compromise?

Newquay is a bit risky for a 16 year old although I went at 18 and had an awesome time but what about a day ticket to a festival or an overnight in a cool city?

Bubblegum78 · 15/01/2013 20:59

Go with your gut, personally I think 16 is too young.

My DD wants to go on holiday after her exams, if they pass we will go... as a family.

I told her if she passes her A levels I will consider letting her off the lead. x

DizzyZebra · 15/01/2013 22:08

She will drink. I would eat my own hat if i saw a teenager on holiday in newquay who hadn't touched a drop.

DizzyZebra · 15/01/2013 22:11

Though, The condom thing - Assuming she's 16 is not really your business, she is legally allowed to sleep with the whole village if she likes. Be thankful that she isn't doing that, But is planning on being safe with anyone she does decide to sleep with.

TheSecondComing · 15/01/2013 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 15/01/2013 22:32

TheSecondComing, clearly you have never been to Newquay in the summer Grin.

(Disclaimer: you could well have done)

The place is a hole. Teenagers are killed by getting so drunk they fall off the cliff. They piss in people's gardens. They shit and are sick on the beach. It's hellish.

TheBrideofMucky · 15/01/2013 22:38

She's 16 Grin.

She is old enough to move out if she wants to, is it still a case of "allowing her" to go? I would be facilitating independence all I can at her age, not long til uni etc.

Fwiw I went much further afield, clubbing holidays abroad at 17 etc and not only am I still alive, I'm a fairly responsible member of society if I do say so myself.

Willdoitinaminute · 15/01/2013 22:56

We go down to Newquay with a group of friends every year. We started going down many years ago before it became the Blackpool of the south west. We now take our families and it is an annual get together. Although we always stay in the same hotel close to the town centre we never venture in there after dark.
Last year a young lad was tragically washed up on the beach drowned after being beaten up.
The cliff path is littered with tributes to youngsters who have fallen while off their heads.
So no you are not being unreasonable.

Trills · 15/01/2013 22:58

Depends on your DD and who she would be going with.

We can't answer this for you.

TheSecondComing · 15/01/2013 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thebody · 15/01/2013 23:05

Hi hopeful, sorry if you thought that was patronising.

However I can't change my Life experienced Neither can you or should you of course.

I see the world as from my point as a mum of 4 and 46 as I can see yours as 21 and no children.

We all see what we can. My Dcs are 23 21 13 and 12.

Who has the answers? I defiantly don't and its great that you youngsters are here on mn.. But please take time to read posts and dong automatically assume oldsters like me are patronising. We are not.

IloveJudgeJudy · 16/01/2013 00:26

DS1 went to REading Festival after his GCSEs. I didn't have a problem with that, but I wouldn't have liked him to go to Newquay. Perhaps you can suggest Reading Festival? I know she'll be able to get drink/drugs, etc, but at least she won't be able to fall off a cliff!

DoodlesNoodles · 16/01/2013 00:33

I would not let her go. Even if she was responsible. I wouldn't give a toss if all her mates were allowed to go.

I would let her go after A'levels though.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 16/01/2013 00:35

At barely 16 she wouldn't be going on holiday with just other teens, no way. She would be going to Newquay over my dead body.