To think about leaving my husband over a bike?

[Opossum99]

Sorry,a bit long. I'm currently on parental leave following ML. My ft job has relocated and we would have to move for me to continue with my company so I'm taking as much (unpaid) leave as possible before having to make that decision. I've been looking for another job locally and was offered one on Wednesday. My OH is being made redundant end of march. On Wednesday after telling him I'd had an offer he came home and told me he'd bought another bike for £600. I'm fuming because a. We don't know about his work situation from march and b. I don't know if I want to take the job and c. I had thought I'd made it very clear I didn't want him buying a new bike as he still owes a couple of thousand on his credit card. Now after doing a bit of checking (he left a web page open on his iPad) it seems very unlikely bike was £600 and was probably more like £2000!
I took both DCs last night and stayed away but am thinking of whether I need to do more? Thoughts please??

What percentage of 0 is £3000?

Is that what you mean, fuzzpig?

I'd be telling him the bike goes back or you will be sending it back.

Or just kick the prat out.

I would be absolutely furious. He needs telling that the bike goes back or he leaved on it.

Even if he is due redundancy that should be used to pay off his current debt and also future proof your finances in case he does take a while to get a job.

As a cyclist with a number of bikes and a penchant for pretty (and expensive) bike bits, I think everyone's missing the main point:

He's spent £3k on a Trek Madone!*

The bloke's clearly an idiot.

(* For the uninitiated, this is like spending £80,000 on a Ford Mondeo)

YANBU, in a joking sort of way, in that I'm a triathlete and I know the importance of a decent bike to triathletes and cyclists. Theres little point in racing on something heavy and ancient, and the benefits of training are well worth £2000.

However YANBU your DH for not marrying a fellow cyclist or triathlete who would understand this and who he could have droned on endlessly for months beforehand, discussing different bikes and their groupsets Male cyclists in particular never seem to marry women who are interested in their sport, and they seem to spend the rest of their time moaning at club nights about it! I'm so sick of hearing them!

Sorry your DH is YABU!

Oh Christ, a Trek Madone? Why? Why didn't he buy it second hand? Or get last year's model much cheaper in a sale? There are so many ways of spending much, much less on something the standard of a Trek Madone. He could have got a damned nice Bianchi with a Dura Ace groupset custom built, for him for that! Or less!

I wonder if he got talked into it by the sales staff in the bike shop.
Not that that would excuse him in any way.

Just wondering if he's the gullible sort of prat that laps up the chat up...iyswim?

I think I'd throw up if dp did this. He's a cycling nut and bought a £500 when we got £18K. That's the last he'll buy though, he says that not me.

Your OH sounds so irresponsible.

He already showed he was selfish by not sharing the money properly when you started SMP. He has the example of his father to go on - presumably his motheer did not leave when the ipad was bought, so he maybe thinks you will be equally soft!

He doesn't sound like a cycling nut - he hadn't been on a bike for 6 months until last week - he sounds more like Mr. Toad.

No he doesn't my dp is and still wouldn't do this.

I'd tell him to return the bike and hand over all finances to you to control, no cc no atm (you can hand him a set amount of cash each week and he has to make it last or go without) so that the family can become financially stable, or show him the door and tell you hope he and his bike will be very happy together. Why should you have to leave? He's a big spoilt child and is risking his family future over buying "stuff"

Ok update. I confronted him when he got home. He admitted bike cost more and then produced receipt - £1000. Apparently it was cheaper because it was considered used as it was last years demonstrator model. So I felt at least a bit better about that. He apologised for lying and said it was a spontaneous thing when he saw I was pissed off when he told me had bought a bike. He said he knew he would get some money soon and he has offered to give the remaining amount to me to handle, once he clears his credit card. He also said I could have £1000 to buy myself something if I wanted. The bike he bought on his debit card so hasn't actually added to his debt. He knows he's still in the doghouse though.

I know he's still in the doghouse, but how are you feeling about him/the situation now? Overall, are you happy with the way the finances in your household are dealt with? Is this a one-off?

I have a lot of sympathy for you. Money is the only thing DH and I argue over - but I won't hijack your thread by moaning on about that .

Hi Msvestibule, I'm feeling much better now. I know a lot of people here have said they would leave him and I guess if he had spent almost £3k and then refused to take it back I would have to consider this option more but before breaking up a family you have to be absolutely sure it's the right choice, not one made out of pique. He understands what he did was wrong but he has now apologised and agreed to let me handle the money so can I expect more? I don't imagine he will repeat the behaviour.
fuzzpig he is a higher income earner and is expecting to get equivalent to 1/2 year salary when he leaves.

My hubby nearly left me after I bought my last motorcycle, he did however point out that I already has another 2 and asked how many backsides I had which was a fair point I suppose

"He also said I could have £1000 to buy myself something if I wanted."

So he's going to keep the bike and blow another grand to keep you sweet?

"The bike he bought on his debit card so hasn't actually added to his debt."

When you're in debt and you spend £1000 on something you don't need instead of paying down your debt, then you are adding to your debt.

You seem to be as daft as he is.

So glad you will e handling the finances. that way you can make sure the debt is cleared.

What athing said.

what AThingInYourLife said!

There is no way that I would spend another £1000 on anything right now. He just wants to salve his conscience.
athing I see your point, I only meant that at least its not incuring interest as well.

So is the bike going back?

Or does he get to tell lies and spend money you don't have on bikes and get off the hook with a meaningless offer to waste the equivalent money on you?

He knew you would reject the offer. He was not trying to salve his conscience, he was trying to manipulate you into letting him keep the dishonesty bike.

And the grand that should have been knocked off his loan but is now going to sit in your shed in bike form gathering dust while he imagines he is a cyclist is accruing interest.

I thought I'd read this thread before. Turns out it was a cheaper bike.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a1538314-to-be-pissed-off-my-OH-has-bought-a-400-bicycle