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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Leave the prawns for the adults"

165 replies

MrsMushroom · 11/01/2013 11:43

My SIL has just said this to my two DDs ged 8 and 4 as they were getting served takeaway and DD1 asked for a prawn.

Aibu to think "WTF?" about that?

SIL knows the DDs...they both eat seafood, spicy stuff...and if she wasn't sure if they'd like the prawns, then wouldn't it be normal to ask me? Or to offer a piece of one to try?

She has no DC. but not sure if that's any excuse.

She'd served them with bowls of plain rice....I was waiting for her to finish serving herself and thought she'd be doing a selection of bits for the DDs but I was wrong...she stood aside so I could help myself and I then gave the DDs a prawn each....and a bit of everythng else...despite SIL's instructions to "leave the prawns for the adults"

The other adults who were sharing the meal were just finishing some work in the shed and had told us to go ahead...there was plenty for everyone...

Odd? Greedy? What? I can't stop thinking about it!

OP posts:
GoldPlatedNineDoors · 11/01/2013 14:27

why would she assume they would want a bowl.of.plain rice?!

she seems either think or rude.

fwiw, dd gets a bit of whatever we have even at one yo.

pingu2209 · 11/01/2013 14:29

I know people who do this, they prepare expensive decent food for adults and bung a few chips and nuggets in the oven for children.

Why shouldn't children get to eat decent food too?

Greensleeves · 11/01/2013 14:32

My MIL is a bit like this, she likes to do a lovely posh dinner with smoked salmon starter and fillet steak main (although she sometimes serves steak for the men and salmon for the women, but that's another thread)

her face was a picture when I sat ds1 in his high chair and gave him bits of my smoked salmon

she is lovely in many ways, she just has odd attitudes

I don't mind her bringing pens and paper etc to entertain kids in a restaurant, in fact I find it very thoughtful of her and the kids love it

Yfronts · 11/01/2013 14:37

Just light heartedly but firmly say 'oh no, don't be silly the kids are having the nice too too' and then just serve them. Maybe sit between her and the kids so if she dives for thier food, you can jokingly slap her hand away. IOr just tell her to stop it as your kids need to eat the food they have.

BonaDea · 11/01/2013 14:38

got are you suggesting it was right that the children be given a bowl of plain rice each while the adults tucked into a delicious meal?

OP - YANBU!

thegreylady · 11/01/2013 14:52

Gosh I was brought up that children got the best of everything and adults made do [honestly].
I grew up in the late 40s and was given everyone's butter and sugar ration,the best bits of meat and fish etc.
I tended to do the same for my dc [not butter and sugar]-chicken breast,leanest steak,pick of fruit and veg.

pingu2209 · 11/01/2013 14:53

I'm having a couple over with their 2 children in a few weeks. I said that I would do a beef wellington for the adults and something else for the children. Firstly because they will sit and eat at a different time to us, as our table isn't big enough to sit 4 adults and 5 children.

This has really made me think twice.

I wouldn't have given the children chips and nuggets etc I would have cooked a proper home cooked meal such as a cottage pie etc.

However, I guess the real reason is I don't want to buy fillet steak for the beef wellington and have enough for 9. I know that there is a high likelihood that the 5 children will perhaps eat the meat, but not the pastry, or vice versa, or perhas not eat any of it at all. As I am paying for it, I would rather make it for 4 that I am guaranteed will like it.

Is this bad of me? I think I need a rethink.

Hulababy · 11/01/2013 14:59

How odd. I think you just need to tell you SIL straight - they like it, let them have it.
I think it's fine to restrict the amount they have if it is being shared between several people, or they are likely to waste it, but not to say no, its not for you.

I do sometimes cook "lesser" versions for children but that depends on the children visiting. DD will eat most things, one or two of her friends are more fussy. If less fussy eaters are coming, they just get the same.

DD is 10y and often eats from the adult menu, has done more and more over recent years. This is because she enjoys the options and isn't interested in nuggets and chips, fish fingers and chips or plain tomato pasta so much. She'd rather have proper chicken, a decent cut of fish or a more tastier pasta dish for example. Went out at the weekend last Sunday and in the end DD's main dish was the dearest dish of the 4 people there. But she ate it, enjoyed it, didn't waste any...so it was not a waste of money imo. She didn't chose it because it was dearer, she just looked at the description of the dish and chose accordingly. as did each adult there. Likewise if we go to the fish and chip shop for tea - she usually has fish, she prefers it to the fishcake which is often more potato than fish. Where possible we will get a small one, or I will share with DD as our local chippy has huge fish so there is plenty for two. But I don't say no fish to her.

Now if restaurants, etc scraped child menus and just offered small and regular sized meals it would be far better imo.

Katiepoes · 11/01/2013 15:03

My almost-three year old will happily eat sushi with me tonight, it's our Friday treat. No way would she let a pile of prawns go by, and any food pinchers beware, she's quite capable of letting a yell out at any trespassing hands.

My parents never did the kids food thing themselves, but it was pretty common when I grew up, we always hated it. Especially when about 10 years old and you fancy yourself as a sophisticated young lady - I remember my Mam's evil friend snatching a basket of garlic bread from in front of me because 'kids don't like garlic'. My Mam did not say a word, I was furious with her. It's very bad of me I know but I am to this day delighted that said friend's three children are now picky adults that eat hardly anything but cheese sandwiches.

Bobyan · 11/01/2013 15:03

There was a cousin of mine who once tried to steal another cousin's (age 5) sausage.
She turned to the potential thief and shouted "Fuck off you cunt".

25 years later we are still talking about it.

I'm sure that would stop your Sil...

Katiepoes · 11/01/2013 15:05

Forgot to say - try finding a kids menu in France or Spain or Italy...your SIL is BU, you are most certainly not.

MarmaladeSkies · 11/01/2013 15:08

Could you give the chicken children wellington perhaps? I don't like the idea of 'adult food' and 'childrens' food' but I wouldn't want to spend a fortune on fillet if it was likely they'd leave most of it.

ArtemisatBrauron · 11/01/2013 15:08

gotthemoononastick she taught her daughters that they are just as entitled to a prawn as adults and that they are not second class citizens who are not entitled to eat anything nice!

Well done OP, I hate adults who treat children like this and act like adults are kings among men who deserve better treatment simply because they are older. No reason why children can't have a prawn if they like them and I'd say something to her about the food stealing too - would she like it if one of your DDs stole her biscuit?!

MarmaladeSkies · 11/01/2013 15:08

That was for Pingu btw.

They could have chicken,cheese and ham wellingtons.

Hulababy · 11/01/2013 15:10

There are loads of kids menus in France and Spain ime, and even more restricted than in UK ime - steak hache being the main thing occurring everywhere! Children's meals were not just restricted to touristy places either.

pingu2209 · 11/01/2013 15:10

I think it will be the mushroom pate the children don't like.

Peacocklady · 11/01/2013 15:10

Sounds like she wanted more for herself and if she'd apportioned the girls some from the beginning it would have mean less for her.
she ended up eating theirs anyway, she sounds like she's just a bit greedy rather than over-thinking about pecking order etc!

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 11/01/2013 15:10

or just message and say "doing beef welly, eill the kids have that too or wpuld they rather have cottage pie?"

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 11/01/2013 15:15

Pingu - there is a recipe on the BBCGoodFood website for a wellington made with mince beef which gets great reviews as a family meal and may be good for the children. I keep meaning to cook it for me and DH.

I too would hate to spend all that money on fillet steak unless I knew the children would eat it. Alternatively you could have a word with your friends and see if they think beef wellington is something their children will eat.

MarmaladeSkies · 11/01/2013 15:15

Minced beef wellington sounds ideal.

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 11/01/2013 15:16

x-post GoldPlated

NewYearNewNagoo · 11/01/2013 15:22

Normally I'm all for the children eating the same as the adults but I'm having fillet steak with DH tonight and the DC are having friends over for fish fingers and chips Grin [hypocrite]

It's date night for us [excuse]

I do think that children should be encouraged to eat as widely as possible but when it's someone else's child I usually default to fish fingers, because I know they will happily eat it.

Your SIL is rude. you ought to practise your forking response Wink

BonaDea · 11/01/2013 15:54

My grandma used to make what I suppose was a minced beef wellington (it was called "mince pie" in our house) as a wonderful family meal on a Sunday for - usually - 5 adults and 5 kids. It was deeeelish and makes me think of very happy times.

marmalade I can only assume you didn't mean to suggest that the chicken is fed "children wellington" ??? Wink

Nellabutterfly · 11/01/2013 16:04

God, I used to hate it when adults pinched my food - worse still was when they asked for "just a taste, oh go on, don't be so mean, I only want a nibble, I won't take a big bite, I promise" and then when I reluctantly offered it up, take a massive great chomp. Really upset me, made me feel like a mug and taken advantage of, especially as I wasn't allowed "treat" food very often but I knew perfectly well that as adults, they could help themselves to whatever they wanted! My dad was the worst offender... I think it was less greed on his part, than a misguided attempt to teach me to be generous Hmm

OP please stop your SIL doing this!

Spuddybean · 11/01/2013 16:31

Spuddybean - what would your dsis do if you dished up everyone's meals, making sure everyone had a bit of everything (too many everys there, but you see what I mean)? Or if you said to her "No, please don't take all the X for your girls - leave some for the rest of us. And maybe just give them a bit less, because they always seem to leave it, and it is wasteful. We will make sure that there is enough left for seconds, so they won't miss out if they do want some more"?

We see them rarely and usually when we do there are loads of us, so dishing up is not really doable. She has been asked to give them less but says no, they are massive eaters and always eat everything. I don't know where she gets that idea from as they are rakes and never eat a thing. At mums the other day she asked if she could make them some pasta and tuna, mum said yes and went upstairs for a bath. When mum came down the 2kg jar of pasta was empty and the bin was full of pasta, about 4 tins worth of tuna and 2 jars worth of sauce was also in the bin. Sis had cooked up all the pasta and tuna mum had in the house, the girls ate about 3 mouthfuls each then she binned the lot. Mum was Angry and challenged her. Sis rolled her eyes and said 'it's only pasta'. They are wasteful people, they turn every light on, even garden ones all day, they leave taps running. If we go out she girls have about 10 different expensive drinks untouched in front of them. They are told they don't have to say thank you or please etc. Sorry to rant - but it boils my piss.

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