"Leave the prawns for the adults"

[MrsMushroom]

My SIL has just said this to my two DDs ged 8 and 4 as they were getting served takeaway and DD1 asked for a prawn.

Aibu to think "WTF?" about that?

SIL knows the DDs...they both eat seafood, spicy stuff...and if she wasn't sure if they'd like the prawns, then wouldn't it be normal to ask me? Or to offer a piece of one to try?

She has no DC. but not sure if that's any excuse.

She'd served them with bowls of plain rice....I was waiting for her to finish serving herself and thought she'd be doing a selection of bits for the DDs but I was wrong...she stood aside so I could help myself and I then gave the DDs a prawn each....and a bit of everythng else...despite SIL's instructions to "leave the prawns for the adults"

The other adults who were sharing the meal were just finishing some work in the shed and had told us to go ahead...there was plenty for everyone...

Odd? Greedy? What? I can't stop thinking about it!

If someone tried to steal food off my kids plates I would stab their hands with a fork.

Shall the same here...ours never want kids menu things unless they're smaller portions of the main menu....they don't want nuggets and chips if there's fish or a good pasta dish on offer.

My sil piles her ds's plate up high with all the tastiest morsels, which he then completely ignores. always, every single time there is a communal meal. 6 chunks of chicken, he gets two, everyone else gets one or none, then they congeal on his plate. that really bugs me, although totally not the same situation as the OP granted

Welsh it' funny...you get a bit lion about it don't you? I wasn't quick enough to preserve DDS prawn sadly.

Shallweshop - it always used to annoy us when we went out to eat with the dses, and the children's menu was chicken nuggets and chips, pizza and chips, burger or chips or fish fingers and chips, whilst the proper menu had much more interesting things on it.

I did get that there were some things that you couldn't easily or economically offer in children's portions, but equally there were usually at least some things that could have been offered as a half portion, so that there was more choice for the children. We used to buy one adult portion and share it between them - as long as they agreed on what they'd like.

Panda - why on earth would she have the right to restrict the children's meals because she paid for it?? Would you extend that to include the adults too? If you take it upon yourself to pay for a meal for people, it doesn't give you the right to dictate who has what.

MrsMushroom - she sounds greedy and controlling. And a bit of a bully.

I always give the youngsters first choice (if I think there's a reasonable chance of them eating it - otherwise they'll get a small bit to try at first.) After all, I can go and eat prawns for the whole month if I can afford them and want them. They can't.

I know people who would think like this too, that the children somehow don't "deserve" to have the good food - that it's wasted on them and should be left for the complainer, usually

My DH is also one who would try and have a bit of any of DS's food if I didn't intervene and tell him to back off. When DS was really little, he was only allowed one half of a Kinder egg at a time - DH ate the other half once and has never done it since because of the outcry. He didn't ask, either. DH is like this though - if I get a snack of any kind, he'll say "oh can I have a bit?" just because it's there. It's like having a labrador in human clothing.

Wait until she has a plate of food then take a big forkful of the nicest bit. When she screeches in indignation say "Not much fun when some arsehole steals your food is it? Stop doing it to my kids!"

Thumb how annoying! My DH is a bit like that too....but he waits until the person has left the table and then asks if they've finished. He wouldn't DARE ask for my chocolate/

Thumbwitch, DH used to be like that! He'd bring in a sandwich for the DDs with a bite out of it, or three out of four half-slices of toast. I had to point out to him that he was sending a clear message of "what's yours is mine" to the DDs. He was embarrassed and hasn't done it since. He does still cast covetous eyes over my food if it's different to his though bloody human labrador.

*Or you could keep with the 'jokey' tone and the next time she steals food from their plates say, 'Has Aunty x stolen your dinner again? Anyone would think she doesn't get food of her own! Let's get you some more...'
*

n
No not this, passive aggressive bullshit.

Just say stop interfering with their dinner and that's an end of it.

As for the prawns maybe they'd been ordered with someone in mind who was still in the shed and she was wanting to make sure everyone got the chance of some? Or maybe she didn't think they'd like them? Whatever the reason it's really not worth worrying about and if it does cause you so much stress then pull her up on it. This seething for ages afterwards really isn't healthy.

Yanbu but maybe when she grew up the parents got proper food whilst the children ate something else, it happens a lot, I remember my friends Mum doing fillet steak for her and hubby then gave the children fish fingers and beans. Just keep giving your children nice food and when SIL is around say that the children want to eat the same foods as you but in a smaller quantity.

Her taking half a biscuit isn't a big deal, it's odd though. It will teach your lo's to share, rather than letting your lo's miss out give them a replacement when SIL gets her hands on the treat? Try not to worry about it too much as your lo's will pick up on any tension and as they are good eaters they will be fine.

Laughing at her a bit (not in an unfriendly way) might help? Ask if she hasn't eaten for a week? Or some sort of quip that might make her think about her (odd) behaviour.

Panda - why on earth would she have the right to restrict the children's meals because she paid for it?? Would you extend that to include the adults too? If you take it upon yourself to pay for a meal for people, it doesn't give you the right to dictate who has what.

I didn't say I agree with it. But the fact of the matter is, if someone else pays for something, ultimately it's up to them what happens with it. Obviously a polite and gracious host wouldn't take the line of 'I paid, I decide what you have'. But if they do, all you can do is make other arrangements in future because ultimately you don't have to the right to something someone else has bought and paid for.

I hate this idea of "children food" DS is 3 but has always eaten what we eat. Going out the children's menus are often full of cheap rubbish which DS would hate! I love places with a proper children's menu

Macaroni - we have a similar thing with my neices. dsis is very wasteful and obsessed with her girls having evrything so when we put a buffet style out sis will fill 2 plates with everything. the dd's never even touch it then she whisks it away and chucks it all in the bin.

last time i cooked a whole chicken and jointed it, she took both whole breasts (portioned into 3 pieces each so we could ALL have a piece of light and dark meat) then the 4 of us had one thigh or leg each and she threw all of the chicken in the bin because they wouldn't even try it.

Panda no that's just really odd! If I buy a meal for friends, I wouldn't tell them which bits they shouldn't eat! And if I did, I would think they'd be leaving pretty swiftly.

quite cheered up by all the solutions...laughing here.Macaroni and walnut,this happened to us a lot over the festive season(different families),but we were so grateful to have young people visiting at all,that we ignored it.Foxes were the overall winners!!(controversial,I know)

I would have to say something that is not on

Pigsmummy - I don't think that the dds will be learning to share by having their auntie nick half their biscuit - they will be learning that it is OK to nick other people's food if you are bigger than them, if you see what I mean.

Panda no that's just really odd! If I buy a meal for friends, I wouldn't tell them which bits they shouldn't eat! And if I did, I would think they'd be leaving pretty swiftly.

I wouldn't either and would think someone who did extremely strange. But if they did, there's nothing I could do about it other than paying for myself or finding different friends. Because ultimately if someone is strange like that, there's not a lot else you can do as it's their money.

Spuddybean - what would your dsis do if you dished up everyone's meals, making sure everyone had a bit of everything (too many everys there, but you see what I mean)? Or if you said to her "No, please don't take all the X for your girls - leave some for the rest of us. And maybe just give them a bit less, because they always seem to leave it, and it is wasteful. We will make sure that there is enough left for seconds, so they won't miss out if they do want some more"?

Got I must say, I am intrigued by your first response 'what do you think you've taught your children'

What on earth do you think the OP has taught her children and why is it bad?

FWIW OP, I fucking hate greedy adults who nick children's food and give them cheaper or less tastier shit for no reason other than the fact that they're children.

Tight fucking bastards! You just need to directly say to her next time you see her stealing food from them, 'don't take stuff off their plates unless they're finished and they don't want it'

less tastier food for no shit reason