"Leave the prawns for the adults"

[MrsMushroom]

My SIL has just said this to my two DDs ged 8 and 4 as they were getting served takeaway and DD1 asked for a prawn.

Aibu to think "WTF?" about that?

SIL knows the DDs...they both eat seafood, spicy stuff...and if she wasn't sure if they'd like the prawns, then wouldn't it be normal to ask me? Or to offer a piece of one to try?

She has no DC. but not sure if that's any excuse.

She'd served them with bowls of plain rice....I was waiting for her to finish serving herself and thought she'd be doing a selection of bits for the DDs but I was wrong...she stood aside so I could help myself and I then gave the DDs a prawn each....and a bit of everythng else...despite SIL's instructions to "leave the prawns for the adults"

The other adults who were sharing the meal were just finishing some work in the shed and had told us to go ahead...there was plenty for everyone...

Odd? Greedy? What? I can't stop thinking about it!

[DamnBamboo]

Panda in reality, I bet that probably doesn't happen often. Pointing out hypothetical allowances that should be made has no bearing on this situation at all. Very few people would treat others to a takeaway and then not let them choose what they want.

[pigletmania]

That is great songbird, I am usually mild mannered but if it concerns dcs I have to stick up to them. Do it in a jokey wy in this instance

[Finallygotaroundtoit]

Someone posted about our primitive instincts as mothers to protect our DCs.

I wonder if this behaviour comes under the 'pack' hierarchy at meal times i.e you get food according to your ranking in the pack.

Alpha males get first pickings then dominant females (who will look after their young) and 'lower ranks' gets what's left.

Perhaps by stealing your dc's food, SIL is literally putting them in their place - below her

Do your best lioness roar when she does it again

[Thumbwitch]

Spuddybean - your sister needs to be told . Really, how dare she throw your food away in that manner! In future, I wouldn't let her help herself but give everyone plates already made up, including her DDs.

[Jinkjude]

This is probably an old fashioned northern view, but I remember asking my SIL what her kids wanted from the chip shop one Saturday lunchtime. They were 7 and 4 at time and she replied 'a fish each, they only eat fish'.

I grumbled all the way there to myself...Fish? what about a fishcake? no chips? they're kids? Anyroad, of course I got them back and they tucked into everything, especially the chips.

[Tee2072]

I hate the attitude that chidlren aren't people with their own likes and dislikes.

My mom does this to my son 'he isn't going to eat all that' she says absolutely positively and takes some. Son then strops (rightly so, IMO) because he was going to eat all of that. Just friggin' ask the kid, FFS.

And I would have to say something to SIL about taking the kids' food.

[gotthemoononastick]

Insurrection and anarchy,DamnBamboo....(can't make the grinning face!)

[mum382013]

you could try the" wtf are you doing?" in a really loud voice when she tries to take something. Ask her how she would feel if you did it to her

[mum382013]

jokey ways can be taken the wrong way and ignored. a loud wtf are you doing is not so easily glossed over

[QuietNinjaTardis]

I've had to tell dh off for taking food from ds plate. Just cos he's a child doesn't mean he loses the right to eat his food in peace without fear of it being taken. I told him if ds took food off his plate he would rightly get cross so why would he do it to ds?
You need to stand up for your girl son that point and say something to her if she takes food from their plate.

[QuietNinjaTardis]

Girl son? Or girls on that point

[ChiefOwl]

We have had friends over for lunch before and did a buffet thing thinking it easier,dishing up and friend said "what are the children having?" and I replied oh we're all eating this. She looked horrified but my children eat whatever we eat. Hers ended up having a piece of toast ...sigh...

[DamnBamboo]

You asked the wrong question jink

If you didn't want to fork out the dosh for fish, then you should have said, 'right, who's having fishcake and chips then'

Having said that, it may have been cheaper, but it may also have been wasted.

Why did this make you grumble?

[chocoluvva]

Whose home were you in?

[shallweshop]

Reading some of the replies, I am feeling a bit at the number of times I have nicked a chip off the DC's plates now. Won't do it ever again ...

[OhTheConfusion]

There is not excuse for her behaviour. I know my DC's can polish off a plate of prawns no problem... and they are somwthing they all look forward to.

We only tend to eat out in places where the childrens portions are 'real food' and not cheap, nasty alternatives. We USED to have freinds who whenever they came to our for the weekend they would bring nothing but the usual rules of 'if you can find it you can eat it' applied. They would encourage their DC's (who were really fussy and poor eaters) to try EVERYTHING, they result being it went in the bin and they put in a pizza instead. When we went to their home for the weekend I would turn up with a few bags of nice food and wine... yet with every meal our DC's were told 'thats adult food' (including the food I brought) and the final straw was when the adults and hosts DC's were offered french toast with nutella and banana for for brunch... our DC's were offered TOAST!

We left there and then and took the DC's out for pancakes and bacon

[trikken]

kids get what we get. its only ok to eat their food if they have actually finished so you dont have to waste it, otherwise its just unfair. my step dad did this to dd so I pulled him up on it and so hopefully he wont do it again

[Jinkjude]

I grumbled as it was wasted on them. They didn't care either way left loads. Thank god I didn't get them one to share.

I did think it was extravagant also if I'm honest, but that's probably a throwback to my childhood where take aways were rare. They're older now and still get adult portions, with all the complications that brings.

[DreamingOfTheMaldives]

Is playfully pinching a child's biscuit or a crisp really so bad as a one off as long as there is more available? I guess it depends on the manner and context in which it is done. I suppose it does perhaps teach them that you can pinch food from people if you are bigger than them, or teach them bad habits, but I've always just thought of it as being a bit of harmless fun. I think it would be a very mean thing to do if there wasn't more available for them. It does sound like your sister is just being a greedy piglet though.

The prawn incident is very odd. I can understand if she'd said, "don't take too many prawns, save some for everyone" but to say the prawns should be saved for the adults is very strange - you'd think she would be pleased that her nieces are happy to eat a good variety of food. Perhaps you should ask her which food she deems as 'adult food' and 'child food.'

[DamnBamboo]

Ohthe that is so fucking rude.

I would have done exactly the same thing.

It's interesting reading some of the threads today. I look at the OP and think, for fuck sake, just tell the person who's causing you issues that they're being tight/rude/cheap/dismissive etc.. and be done with it.

[DamnBamboo]

The fish is wasted on them?
Do you mean they wasted the fish or that being kids, the fish is wasted on them because they're kids. I'm confused.

Battered fish ain't extravagant!

[oldraver]

I also have an OH who used to try and knick stuff of DS's plate or if he had sweets would get miffed if DS didn't 'share' so would then try and get him to give him some.

He got short shrift off me.... I explained that once food was on DS's plate it was his and he shouldn't have to give it up, share or have it knicked. I too think it sends out the message 'I am bigger/more important than and I will take what I want'. Luckily OH got it and saw how unfair he was. I think he came from a background where it had been excepted.

Whicever way you do it you need to put a stop to it OP....my late DH came form a large family and his older brothers would regularily do the "ooh look over there" and pinch his food (which was scarse anyway) and it did bother him

[Thumbwitch]

Re. nicking a chip of DS's plate - I will do this. But I always ask him first. If he says no, fair enough - I'll wait until he's eaten his fill (BIG portions of chips given out here in Australia) and then ask again. He usually lets me have some by then :) Chips are a bit different though, when there's loads - if he only had 6 and I wanted one, that would be unreasonable, IMO.

[5madthings]

Yanbu its rude and I dint get ythis whole kids having different food, our just eat what we eat!

[PandaOnAPushBike]

Panda in reality, I bet that probably doesn't happen often. Pointing out hypothetical allowances that should be made has no bearing on this situation at all. Very few people would treat others to a takeaway and then not let them choose what they want.

Except it does happen quite frequently with regards to children, as many posters in this thread have said. So it does have a bearing on this situation.