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AIBU?

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Original poster

"Leave the prawns for the adults"

165 replies

MrsMushroom · 11/01/2013 11:43

My SIL has just said this to my two DDs ged 8 and 4 as they were getting served takeaway and DD1 asked for a prawn.

Aibu to think "WTF?" about that?

SIL knows the DDs...they both eat seafood, spicy stuff...and if she wasn't sure if they'd like the prawns, then wouldn't it be normal to ask me? Or to offer a piece of one to try?

She has no DC. but not sure if that's any excuse.

She'd served them with bowls of plain rice....I was waiting for her to finish serving herself and thought she'd be doing a selection of bits for the DDs but I was wrong...she stood aside so I could help myself and I then gave the DDs a prawn each....and a bit of everythng else...despite SIL's instructions to "leave the prawns for the adults"

The other adults who were sharing the meal were just finishing some work in the shed and had told us to go ahead...there was plenty for everyone...

Odd? Greedy? What? I can't stop thinking about it!

OP posts:
Jinkjude · 11/01/2013 12:58

Sorry DB I'm not making myself clear. They wasted the food as there was too much. Nothings off limits food wise.

shallweshop · 11/01/2013 13:01

Thumb - yes, I normally ask first, though i am sure there have been times when I have just snuck one without asking thinking that hey probably wouldn't eat them all anyway. It has certainly made me think and in future I will certainly ask first or wait until I am sure they have finished before I help myself.

RuleBritannia · 11/01/2013 13:02

I went to a very small wedding reception once with only sixteen people present. The children were en route to have chicken nuggets and can't-remember- what while they were to watch the adults having roast lamb, roast potatoes etc. One mother refused to have the difference and her three finished up with the same as the adults. I couldn't believe that the youngsters had chicken nuggets aimed at them with the adults having a lovaly roast. I silently agreed with the mother.

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 11/01/2013 13:06

I should have said that pinching the prawn from her plate, before she has finished, is absolutely awful!

oldraver · 11/01/2013 13:08

I think with (chip) knicking..... its how you do it isnt it..... I certainly think the poster who mentioned pack mentality and pecking order had a point. I think in the beginning my OH was making a point, though I dont think he realised why he was. He comes from a very poor background and is the eldest of a few boys... he was the one that went out from a young age with his Dad shooting and fishing poaching for food, so I think there is some subconcious feelings there. He was mortified when I had a discussion with him.

OTOH...On the occasion we treat ourselves to Fillet... I get a steak cut to our preference for OH and I and I ask for one from the smaller end for DS (he doesn't eat as much as us) and I always used to get raised eyebrows at first and usually followed by a "its nice to see chidren enjoying their food" comment

FryOneFatManic · 11/01/2013 13:13

DreamingOfTheMaldives
Is playfully pinching a child's biscuit or a crisp really so bad as a one off as long as there is more available?

Umm, if someone did that to me, I'd be cross. If there's more food available, the "joker" can go and get their own without nicking mine. If it happened to the kids, I'd feel exactly the same.

BiddyPop · 11/01/2013 13:16

DD can astonish some people with her range of foods - we have photos of her sitting in the back garden at age 2ish, eating a bowl full of mussels still in their shells. Then we go through periods when she will hardly eat a thing, including formerly well-loved favourites.

So I would tend to be led by her a certain amount in what to put on her plate (this week, she is eating plain pasta with no sauce - tomato was ruled out from the get-go, while pesto was tried and binned - but wants lots of parmesan grated over it and is accepting cooked mushrooms on top as well - but as long as she is EATING and reasonably healthy food, I can deal with that).

When we go to restaurants, DD sometimes wants the rubbish kids menu. But more often actually wants some fish dish (yay!!) or some other thing that is on the "grown-up" menu. I am always happy to oblige as long as she will eat it (and she generally does), and as DH and I have a habit of tasting each others plates when we're out, she often does too and may end up taking more if she loves it (I find portions are often so generous that's not an issue - and the loser may take more of hers to compensate too).

I presume in this instance, the SIL had actually considered and bought food for the kids, and wasn't expecting them just to eat plain rice. But then again, some people DO still see things like prawns etc as exotic and not to be "wasted" on kids. (Meanwhile, there is 1 family gathering we have to attend a few times a year where the host gets it catered - 3 different salads which are not really kid friendly (leaves, brocolli and feta, and potato with onion in it) and salmon (with prawns and crab claw garnish) during the year or ham at Christmas. DD ends up scrounging cherry tomatoes from garnishes and having some salmon and prawns mostly (and as she's not a meat eater really, fills up on bread at Christmas!) - so sometimes it can work the opposite way).

FryOneFatManic · 11/01/2013 13:17

My DCs eat the same as DP and I, I am not going to all the trouble of cooking separate meals. And in any case, if kids are fed rubbish, how on earth are they ever going to try new things?

We do have a couple of local restaurants with a reasonable children's menu. DD is no big enough that she can manage most of an adult portion, so does often choose from the adult menu. DS is younger, but at one place where there's a buy one get one free on all adult meals, we've often let him choose an adult meal to try, as there's 4 of us and his meal will be free.

They like an interesting range of food.

oldraver · 11/01/2013 13:20

I went to a restaurant last year that on seeing DS said "we dont have a childs menu but will do a half version of anything (apart from a couple of things like steak) on our menu....

3littlefrogs · 11/01/2013 13:22

I hate the whole children's menu thing. It just encourages poor eating habits. Children should have the opportunity to try new foods.
If you were paying for your share of course your DC should have been allowed to have some prawns.

Startail · 11/01/2013 13:26

Once upon a very long ago, I organised a party for DDs 2 birthday and invited two three year old girls.

There was prawn vol-a-vonts, smoked salmon, ham and bread rolls.

The adults got ham and vol-a-vont cases Grin

Never again did I assume, that DCs can be relied on not to eat "adult" food.

DD2 doesn't, but DD1 and her partners in crime did then and as teenages still do.

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 11/01/2013 13:28

It does irritate me that restaurants and pubs generally only have a children's menu which consists of processed rubbish with chips. It irritates me and I haven't got children yet. Why can't places serve small portions of their normal menus, obviously with some exceptions.

I guess things like tapas are good because it means they can easily try bits of everything.

Original poster
MrsMushroom · 11/01/2013 13:28

3frogs* even if I weren't paying my share they should have some. If a group are eating together it's civilized for all to share.

OP posts:
BabsAndTheRu · 11/01/2013 13:29

That is really strange behaviour from your SIL. Would she steal food from an adult. It's really bad manners, quite bullying behaviour. I'm so angry for you, hate people stealing of my plate.

oldraver · 11/01/2013 13:30

I know I'm safe when prawns are around as DS doesn't like them more for me , he prefers fish fingers.

A whiff of steak or duck and he comes running Grin

Thumbwitch · 11/01/2013 13:30

I agree 3littlefrogs. DS1 has always had starters off the main menu, or shared what we've had; I've never bothered with the children's menu unless it has similar food to the main.

DH and I went out to a nice French restaurant for our anniversary this year - a family party came in, several adults and 2 children. The adults had a wide range of meals - the children had a plate of chips each. I'm sure there may have been many reasons why that's all they had, but it stil seemedl a bit sad to me - no effort was made to try or offer them anything else either.

CarlingBlackMabel · 11/01/2013 13:33

Oldraver - re the half portions, isn't that because they can't be cutting their full sized steaks in half, rather than them thinking that children have no business eating steak in principle?

There is another side to all this.

My SIL constantly allows her DC to pile their plates with more than their fair share of the delicacies, and then they leave them. Or she lets them grab things which they then take one bite from and discard and then do that with the next thing. We ordered a couple of plates of expensive calamari to share as a starter while we were waiting for other peope to arrive - there would probably have been one piece for each peson round the table, but her kids put about 4 on their plates, And then didn't eat all of it.

Even when not allowed to do that children are naturally less able to judge what is a fair share, and to be careful with the small, expensive portions, so maybe need tactful encouraging supervising.

But of course in general it is horrible to have a pack dog system and leave children with the scraps, and we have never done that.

scarletforya · 11/01/2013 13:35

Possibly just a generational thing? When I was a kid it was the norm that kids would wait until after the adults to talk/eat etc. We (kids) didn't think twice about it. It was just how it was.

However it should be explained to your SIL that things have changed and kids have equal rights now!

zipzap · 11/01/2013 13:38

I would be teaching your kids to start taking the choicest morsels off your sil's plate if she takes stuff off their plate again. And if she complains, just say that you've told them that if people take stuff off their plate then that means they are allowed to take stuff off that person's plate; fair's fair after all.

Likewise if she keeps taking your dd's biscuits then either teach her to say 'no stealing my food auntie' or for her to take her aunt's biscuits. And ask your sil if she thinks you feed your kids too much or is there some other reason she keeps pinching your dc's food?!?

BabsAndTheRu · 11/01/2013 13:44

Good one zipzap.

FryOneFatManic · 11/01/2013 13:53

The thing is, there are so many people who don't realise that children can and do like the foods that some would consider "adult".

When DD was about a year old (our first DC), we went out for the day. Lunch time, we didn't bother buying any food for DD, just two main course meals for DP and I. We sat DD in a high chair between us and put some of the "adult" food on a small plate for her and she ate the lot. And people at a nearby table complimented her as if it was so unusual to see a child eating this kind of food. I remember being a bit Hmm over it.

DamnBamboo · 11/01/2013 13:53

IF stealing food from someone else's plate is unacceptable, for christ sake don't teach your kids to do that!

Either tell her yourself directly not to do it, or tell the children to tell her.

oldraver · 11/01/2013 14:08

Carling....yes... I didnt say but the lady did go on to say thats....the steak comes as well as steak so he would have to of had what is considered an adult portion. It was an Italian restaurant that did a few other cuisines so lent itself well to half portions

AngelsWithSilverWings · 11/01/2013 14:17

My Sil is funny about kids and food. When we go out to eat at restaurants for a special family meal she gets really narked when my DS age 7 asks for something from the adult menu.

He loves smoked salmon or mussels as a starter if its available but she will keep going on about what's on the kids menu and makes comments about him not needing a starter.

Her DCs have always been really fussy eaters and even now at 13 and 16 will only eat from the kids menu.

The other thing she does is bring toys and colouring books for my DCs because she refuses to believe that it is entirely possible for a 4 and 7 year old to sit at a table for an hour without them.

Sirzy · 11/01/2013 14:20

A 16 year old still eating off the childs menu? I find that odd unless it is just for the smaller portion sizes. I am a fussy eater but even I can find something to eat most of the time.

I think the taking colouring books and things is nice, even with the best behaved children it does no harm to have something just incase!