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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not lack of jobs - lack of ambition!

410 replies

eggs11 · 09/01/2013 13:21

I know very, very little about politics, and if you can help me see this from a different perspective, please do!

A friend is a labour party member, and we recently had a row.I have a good friend (I like her for her personality, not for her life choices) who had a baby at 16 and is on benefits. She has a now 4 year old, starting school in September. She has a huge two bed flat in london (we would love to live where she does! but couldn't afford it), sky tv, the child has a nintendo ds, new clothes all the time, constant days out. I said it makes me angry that me and DP work (we also had a baby young) really really hard. Firstly, I had to go back after 9months, while she gets to sit on her bum until her kid is 5. Secondly, she gets free childcare! She had 2year old funding and 3 year old funding, while the £50 a day to put my 1year old in nursery makes it barely worth me working.

This is the point where we had a row. My labour friend said that it's not her fault that she's on benefits, there's no jobs to make it worth her working. However, if you spoke to my other friend, she has never even considered working. She said to me last week, when her daughter goes to full time school in sept, she has two options: 1) have another baby and get another 5years 6months, which she's planning on doing. 2)Wait until sept, then she has another 6months on job seekers to get pregnant. HOW IS THAT FAIR????? she isn't even looking after her daughter for the past two years, because she's in nursery. Why does this woman get to sit on her bum with free childcare? Why isn't she made to do voluntary work as a fully abled 22 year old with 10 gcse's, or at least made to go with her daughter to nursery and learn parenting skills, which is what I assume they think she lacks if her daughter gets so much funding!

I'm not saying that everyone on benefits/job seekers allowance isn't looking for work. I know how hard it was for DP to find work, it took months of hundreds of applications. I'm saying that while a life on benefits is so cushty and just relies on a baby every five years, no one has the incentive to work! labours answer was increase the working wage. I disagree, she's comfortable, why would she go out to work just for a few extra quid a week?

OP posts:
fridgepants · 09/01/2013 19:59

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

usualsuspect · 09/01/2013 19:59

Typical goading load of bollocks.

ReallyTired · 09/01/2013 20:00

I think that CloudAndTrees must have her heads in the clouds. She certainly isn't in touch with reality on this thread. I don't many people who choose to live on benefits.

To pay for free childcare for two pre school children costs about 20K. Working child tax credits are pittance in comparision. I think the child tax credit system has been reasonably sucessful. Its far from perfect, but it has helped low income working families.

Its amazing how mumsnetters know so much detail about other people's finances. Prehaps some of the people who are on benefits actually aren't on benefits. They may have some other source of completely legal income. (Charity, pension, maintaince, Shock horror they may do shift work or anything)

IneedAsockamnesty · 09/01/2013 20:01

It's very easy to find out what % of all benefit claimants have more than 3 kids and have received out of work benefits for longer than x amount of years.

Actual maximum cash for a over 25 yo with 1 child if no maintainance received is £153.00

Cost of iPad £399.00 bit more than 4 weeks disposable income.

You do know that people on benefits still have to pay water heat power food comunication fee's transport, (most areas's) school uniform clothing well everything everybody else has to pay apart from rent and CT ( ct due to change soon as nobody will receive full ct paid).

fridgepants · 09/01/2013 20:02

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

CloudsAndTrees · 09/01/2013 20:03

Yes, I know what my cousin, and a couple of other people, choose to tell me. But I'm close enough to them and close enough to other people that are close to them to believe I'm getting the truth.

I have no reason not to believe them, they are the sort of people who have no shame about what they are doing. They see no reason to try and hide it, they are open and honest about what they do and wonder why I don't do the same.

So even on the very slim off chance that I'm wrong about the iPad, I still know with 100% certainty that there are a number of people who deliberately have children four or five years apart so that they can remain out of work for as long as possible. And it is wrong that the system enables people to do that.

usualsuspect · 09/01/2013 20:04

It's always someones cousin, isn't it?

Funny that...

CloudsAndTrees · 09/01/2013 20:07

Hilarious Hmm

Shock horror! People have cousins whose lives are very different from their own! Scandalous!

LadyBeagleEyes · 09/01/2013 20:08

Adds a couple of names to spreadsheet...

IneedAsockamnesty · 09/01/2013 20:08

There are a number people who do that but its a very very low number, I can't remember which poster posted it but the torys tried to find loads of them to wind is all up but apparently couldn't even find 500.

usualsuspect · 09/01/2013 20:08

Are you sure it's not the woman up the road?

usualsuspect · 09/01/2013 20:09

You know, the one that has 3 holidays a year and 2 cars?

EastHollyDaleStreet · 09/01/2013 20:09

reallytired We both work and can't afford an ipad for our chidren. Not in any way 'benefit bashing' but would we get one too?

IneedAsockamnesty · 09/01/2013 20:10

My cousin spends all day eating cheese

fridgepants · 09/01/2013 20:12

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

AmberLeaf · 09/01/2013 20:12

If you were my cousin and were as transparent about your political leanings in RL as you are here, Id tell you all sorts just to watch the steam come out of your ears.

thekidsrule · 09/01/2013 20:14

no socail loan,no not paying bills

i start saving in january normaly £15 ish a week for 3dc's

i am debt free and all bills are up to date

ipad mini £265 + £65 extended cover = 329

i do get maintance for 1dc which is top of benefit (been getting for the last few months)but that is not the one that got the ipad mini

i manage well on the money i get for me and three dc's and i have no debts

Bogeyface · 09/01/2013 20:14

Cloud

What is this "number of people" then? Roughly?

Because I have only ever known one person to do this, and I live in an area with high claimant levels and know a lot of people who are or have been on benefits.

For every one person (lets face it, you mean women) who does this, there will be hundreds that dont. You are just using the one example you know about and assuming that most women on benefits are doing the same thing!

I would like to use your own words back to you

But it is quite small minded to assume that your experience is the same as everyone else's.

AmberLeaf · 09/01/2013 20:15

Ah ok, you get maintenance.

That explains it.

expatinscotland · 09/01/2013 20:16

My cousin's friend of her cousin twice removed lives in a HOUSE in Notting Hill, has 5 cars, 50 iPads, 30 iPhone5's, a 50-inch smart telly in every room of the house even the shitters and stay in the same resorts as Prince Harry on their 10 holidays a year. All on benefits, too.

She just keeps poppin' 'em out.

Fact.

ssd · 09/01/2013 20:18

my neighbour told me she wouldnt dream of working for the money I get, £6.19 an hour, she wouldnt get out of bed for that

she played the system, had her housing and council tax fully paid whilst her bf claimed he lived with his mum....she had more money than I'd have known what to do with

she was boasting about this to me too, thought I was mad for working

being on benefits is utter crap if you are honest about your situation,but if you lie and work the system it can be not a bad life

Bogeyface · 09/01/2013 20:18

Could someone tell me when I will get my holiday tickets for Florida?

Only H signed on 8 weeks ago after his company closed down and I promised the kids we would go to Disney because MN told me that all families who claim get to go.

Thanks.

expatinscotland · 09/01/2013 20:20

Bogey, have you had your flat-screen tellies yet? You'll get your tickets after those arrive.

CloudsAndTrees · 09/01/2013 20:21

Fridgepants

a) the person I'm thinking of lives in London. A pretty shitty area of London, but still London.
b) the expensive goods could be 'on the drip', but I don't think so.
c) my cousin also has little in the way of qualifications, but that's because she couldn't be arsed with going to college when she was doing an NVQ in hairdressing. She's actually very good at cutting hair, just couldn't be bothered with the qualification. I'm not sure about levels of employment in the area, but it's certainly not non existent. Her partner is from a different race to her own, but it's very common for people to be in mixed race relationships in this area.
d) you'd really find it exceptionally difficult to have a job and two small children? Well then don't have two children, or suck it up like the rest of us!

usualsuspect · 09/01/2013 20:22

Only 50 ipads? My cousin twice removed has a race horse and a Ferrari and a swimming pool in the garden of her 10 bedroomed council mansion.