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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not lack of jobs - lack of ambition!

410 replies

eggs11 · 09/01/2013 13:21

I know very, very little about politics, and if you can help me see this from a different perspective, please do!

A friend is a labour party member, and we recently had a row.I have a good friend (I like her for her personality, not for her life choices) who had a baby at 16 and is on benefits. She has a now 4 year old, starting school in September. She has a huge two bed flat in london (we would love to live where she does! but couldn't afford it), sky tv, the child has a nintendo ds, new clothes all the time, constant days out. I said it makes me angry that me and DP work (we also had a baby young) really really hard. Firstly, I had to go back after 9months, while she gets to sit on her bum until her kid is 5. Secondly, she gets free childcare! She had 2year old funding and 3 year old funding, while the £50 a day to put my 1year old in nursery makes it barely worth me working.

This is the point where we had a row. My labour friend said that it's not her fault that she's on benefits, there's no jobs to make it worth her working. However, if you spoke to my other friend, she has never even considered working. She said to me last week, when her daughter goes to full time school in sept, she has two options: 1) have another baby and get another 5years 6months, which she's planning on doing. 2)Wait until sept, then she has another 6months on job seekers to get pregnant. HOW IS THAT FAIR????? she isn't even looking after her daughter for the past two years, because she's in nursery. Why does this woman get to sit on her bum with free childcare? Why isn't she made to do voluntary work as a fully abled 22 year old with 10 gcse's, or at least made to go with her daughter to nursery and learn parenting skills, which is what I assume they think she lacks if her daughter gets so much funding!

I'm not saying that everyone on benefits/job seekers allowance isn't looking for work. I know how hard it was for DP to find work, it took months of hundreds of applications. I'm saying that while a life on benefits is so cushty and just relies on a baby every five years, no one has the incentive to work! labours answer was increase the working wage. I disagree, she's comfortable, why would she go out to work just for a few extra quid a week?

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 09/01/2013 20:22

We have our old flat screen but we bought that, and its 2 years old so I am sure we are due an upgrade.

Do I get extra money for the clothes we will need for our holiday too? I am not spending my money on them if I can get them with someone elses tax!

ssd · 09/01/2013 20:22

and BTW, I dont know or care how many sodding ipads my neighbour might own, she's showing her kids a very bad example of how to live an easy life,the only decent meal they get is free school diners

ReallyTired · 09/01/2013 20:23

"reallytired We both work and can't afford an ipad for our chidren. Not in any way 'benefit bashing' but would we get one too? "

I am not on benefits, and we don't have IPads. I think the google nexus is better than the IPAD and a lot cheaper. Our household has plenty of electronics bought with our own money. We have no need for an IPad as the children can use our PC. The cost of an IPad is less than a PC and monitor.

I can understand why a parent might take out a loan for an IPad. The problem with refurbished computers is that they have often been got rid of for good reason. Lots of people want the best for their children and get into horrendous debt.

I have no idea what my neighbours personal circumstances are. Its none of my business. Sometimes people on benefits have a small amount of savings. You can have savings of 6K and still claim income support without reduction. Savings evaporate pretty fast if you are a family on benefits.

CloudsAndTrees · 09/01/2013 20:23

I would like to use your own words back to you

But it is quite small minded to assume that your experience is the same as everyone else's.

Bogey, that's fine, use my words. But if you are going to, read all of them. I have already said that I'm well aware that a life on benefits can be very difficult, and that I know everyone's situation isn't like my cousins.

The point is, that the system shouldn't allow anyone to live like that legally, but it does. Which is what makes it shit.

Bogeyface · 09/01/2013 20:24

the only decent meal they get is free school diners

HOUSE!!!

So what else do they eat? Whats wrong with free school meals?

expatinscotland · 09/01/2013 20:25

The government's giving out smart tellies now, Bogey, so you should be getting yours upgraded. Just throw your old ones out into the road in front of your taxpayer-funded mansion (Gideon got one of those, too, didn't you know? But he worked hard so it's okay).

Bogeyface · 09/01/2013 20:25

No they shouldnt, but I ask again, what would you do that wouldnt penalise people who, not matter how hard they try, CANT FIND A JOB?

ssd · 09/01/2013 20:26

shout away bogey, who said anything is wrong with free school diners?

not me

keep your chip on your shoulder to yourself

Bogeyface · 09/01/2013 20:27

A mansion?

Shit. I knew I was being short sighted when I bought my house. 13 years of mortgage payments wasted!

Bogeyface · 09/01/2013 20:28

Erm, I wasnt shouting! Well, I shouted House, but thats because I won Benefit bashing bingo!

I will ask again, what else do they eat? And why mention free school meals if there is nothing wrong with them?

expatinscotland · 09/01/2013 20:28

There's no such thing as can't find a job, Bogey. It's all your fault. There's always prostitution.

Bogeyface · 09/01/2013 20:29

expat I said to my mum the other day "If things dont improve soon, I will have to go back on the game" and she just laughed.

I was rather insulted :o

ssd · 09/01/2013 20:32

bogey, I cant be arsed getting into a fight with you

as I said before, being on benefits is shite when you're honest and upfront about your situation, but when you lie and scam the system it can be not a bad lifestyle..if thats how you choose to live..that to me is what the op was complaining about..

fridgepants · 09/01/2013 20:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

AllYoursBabooshka · 09/01/2013 20:34

My dogs cousin is gold plated.

I'm totes jelly belly. Envy

Bogeyface · 09/01/2013 20:34

bogey, I cant be arsed getting into a fight with you

I wasn't aware I was starting one. I was simply questioning a comment you made, which you clearly can't answer, otherwise you would have.

Have a nice evening :)

fridgepants · 09/01/2013 20:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

Samnella · 09/01/2013 20:37

YANBU to feel aggrieved as you are struggling by the sounds of things whilst this woman gets it all handed on a plate. But you know it won't be that way forever. It may seem this woman is gaining now but will you feel the same way in 10 years? She will still be in the same flat, living the same life and her children could very well be disadvantaged by it.

I think there are scroungers and people in need. There is a difference. To me an example of a scrounger is a member of my family who had a baby at 16 and is now 30. She has never worked. Not even for a day. She has never paid a penny in tax. She has a flat paid for and her boyfriend lives there without the authorities knowledge so she gets benefits plus his salary. Yes they have the flat and the obligatory TV and all the so called trappings including two holidays abroad in the last 5 years. But do you know what? I wouldn't want her life. Its empty. There is no progress. What hope does she have of finding a job now after 14 years and no experience. Its pitiful. There is no answer. She's done various Mickey Mouse courses on the expense of tax payers which lead no where. The job centre have enrolled on confidence courses and all that but to no avail. How can a 30 year old have never worked? Ever. A healthy , functioning 30 year old who hasn't been studying or doing anything at all since the day they left school. Its outrageous.

I have no idea why some of you defend the OPs friend. She has admitted she doesn't want to work because its easier not too. Childcare costs? - surely that's what tax credits are for? Or put money into making childcare more affordable for low income families. Must be off during the holidays? Why? Most people don't just work term time. Not making enough to make it worth while? Well that does and will change by the sounds of it. I would rather my hard earned tax was spent supporting someone returning to work than paying for someone to sloth about for years. It is hard fact that there are people like this. These are not the same people who need help in a crisis, who though no fault of their own need a temporary helping hand. I have no problem with that. But I do have a problem with people who make living off benefits a lifestyle choice.

CloudsAndTrees · 09/01/2013 20:37

Being a SAHM is lovely! I certainly enjoyed I when I was doing it!

Oh, and they don't instantly stop housing benefit when you get a job. If you had a clue what you were talking about, you would know that the vast majority of HB gets paid to people who are in work.

expatinscotland · 09/01/2013 20:40

'Oh, and they don't instantly stop housing benefit when you get a job. If you had a clue what you were talking about, you would know that the vast majority of HB gets paid to people who are in work.'

Yes, they do. You have to re-apply for it with your new circumstances.

ssd · 09/01/2013 20:40

bogey, no,sadly I clearly cant answer your comment as I clearly have a hidden agenda against free school meals, have managed to hide it all my life but you clearly saw that

Smile, have a nice evening

CloudsAndTrees · 09/01/2013 20:42

Re apply, notify them of a change of circumstances, whatever, the result is the same. You still get help paying your rent (rightly) so what difference does it make?

fridgepants · 09/01/2013 20:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

ssd · 09/01/2013 20:43

samnella, of course theres a difference between scroungers and those in need, but this gov is intent on making us believe they are one and the same....and for every scrounger there will be thousands of people in need

and the scroungers couldnt care less!

thekidsrule · 09/01/2013 20:44

AmberLeaf

my income with £75 maintanance is £380 per week approx plus FSM etc but 2 i provide there lunch Confused

bog standard claim,no disabilities etc

i dont have to top up any rent as i own this house though i do incur costs such as building insurance maintaining property,anything breaks etc

but i dont own a car,a big saving

same mobile for 4yrs £10 sim a month

cook loads and am a real bargain hunter

thats how i do it

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