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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have my judgeypants right up my butt about this?

82 replies

andtoast · 08/01/2013 14:28

A woman I know went on a night out and got extremely drunk, so much so the night ended in her being arrested. Her baby was about a month old at this point.

I can't help thinking this is really terrible, but I'm not sure if AIBU. It might be the Jeremy Kyleness of the details which has me recoiling. Maybe it's no worse than anyone else getting banged up for being a pisshead horror? DH maintains she's within her rights to go and get smashed if she wants. I can't quite accept that. WDYT?

OP posts:

ILoveTIFFANY · 08/01/2013 14:31

It's the same if either parent does it

Unless

Was she breastfeeding?

AThingInYourLife · 08/01/2013 14:31

Well she's not within her rights, that's why she was arrested.

But YABU to judge her differently from other drunken reprobates just because she is a mother.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/01/2013 14:32

YANBU. She sounds straight out of a Hogarth etching! Baby or no baby, nobody has the 'right' to go out getting drunk and disorderly and I'd be personally very worried about a DH that thought that was anything even approaching normal behaviour.

AThingInYourLife · 08/01/2013 14:32

Arrested while breastfeeding?

Now that would be something.

TeaBrick · 08/01/2013 14:33

I would think it was pretty bad whoever did it, whether they had a baby or not tbh, and I would avoid them in future.

IwantaPetFox · 08/01/2013 14:33

The fact she has a baby has nothing to do with it, as long as someone else was looking after it at the time of course.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 08/01/2013 14:34

It does seem pretty bad to get pissed to the point of having the police out but maybe she has other stuff going on in her life....maybe she has PND......maybe she is really struggling with a new baby and went a bit OTT.

Maybe, it isn't anything for anyone else to judge her over.

I hope they waited for the baby to de-latch before they took her away :)

StuntGirl · 08/01/2013 14:35

Well she's not within her rights, that's why she was arrested.

But YABU to judge her differently from other drunken reprobates just because she is a mother.

^ This.

AgentProvocateur · 08/01/2013 14:35

You don't get arrested for being drunk, unless you are causing a breach of the peace or being aggressive.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/01/2013 14:36

"Maybe, it isn't anything for anyone else to judge her over"

Barring the magistrate that issues the fine.... Of course we can judge someone for criminal behaviour.

HecatePropolos · 08/01/2013 14:36

I think it's always revolting when anyone gets themselves into that sort of state and can't control themselves to the point that their behaviour means they get arrested.

I think that parents have a duty to set an example for their children and that certain behaviours should be avoided because of the example they set.

I don't think a month old baby will have a clue though.

I don't think that a mother specifically (as opposed to a father specifically, or a parent generally) should get the shock horror response. It's always revolting. Regardless gender or parental status.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 08/01/2013 14:41

Yes but we shouldn't judge her more just because she has a one month old baby.

She is no better or worse than all the other idiots who go out, get pissed and end up behaving like arseholes.

BunFagFreddie · 08/01/2013 14:44

It's not good for anyone to get that drunk. I don't think motherhood comes into it. Saying that, the first time I went out for a drink after having DS, I forgot that I'd been teetotal for around 9 months and ended up completely shitfaced.

HopAndSkip · 08/01/2013 14:44

I do see where you're coming from. Personally I think having a baby should make you grow up a bit... The people saying "It's no different to someone with out a baby getting drunk and arrested" it really is, as at what point is she going to stop this behavior. Will she still be getting agressively drunk/mouthing off while drunk once the child is 3 or 4?

I think if this was a case of "a man i know went out and got arrested as he was behaving illegally while drunk, while his wife was at home looking after their one month old baby" people would instantly judge. Don't see why anyone is sticking up for her.

Birdsgottafly · 08/01/2013 14:47

It depends on why exactly she was arrested.

I was on a night out, my friend got into an arguement with another woman, things got out of hand (i stayed to calm it down)and we were all arrested by a passing patrol.

I have had to stop drinking in some pubs because trouble breaks out and it is the norm to arrest more than the one's that instigated things.

I was crossing a road after a concert (Liverpool City centre) and a fight broke out, literally around me.

I have had to learn not to get in any way involved, even if a woman is getting her head kicked in, unless it is on CTV, you are not believed that it had nothing to do with you.

CloudsAndTrees · 08/01/2013 14:48

I'd judge anyone negatively if they were so drunk they got arrested. The fact that they had a one month old baby wouldn't make a huge amount of difference once I'd already realised they were a knob.

Birdsgottafly · 08/01/2013 14:48

Women are often doubly judged, firstly for the crime and then for being female and that behaviour not being acceptable (from Mothers).

cheesesarnie · 08/01/2013 14:50

what was she arrested for? just being drunk?

at what age (child) is it ok for a parent to drink and how much are they allowed?

whether yabu or not depends on what she did imo.

fortifiedwithtea · 08/01/2013 14:53

CongitoErgoSometimes Hogarth etchings lol.

My less than cultured response is nobody should get arse holed drunk when they need to go home and care for a child.

Dahlen · 08/01/2013 14:58

Taking it all on face value, it's crap behaviour and yes I would judge her.

I would judge her even if she didn't have children. I have had a long, happy relationship with getting drunk over the years and somehow never managed to take my clothes off, start a fight or get arrested for anything.

The baby only comes into it if she was planning to go home in that state and take over responsibility for her baby while still incapacitated (e.g. sending the babysitter home).

Scaredycat3000 · 08/01/2013 15:01

I think it's much sadder that a Mother of a month old baby feels the need to go out drinking so much. It's unlikely she's had much to drink for along time so would get drunker quicker, I would love to factor in PND but have no experience, but drinking really isn't going to help.
So I feel more disappointment for her, as I would a partner getting that drunk.

LouisWalshesCloset · 08/01/2013 15:02

YANBU

Now i'm off to the hospital to get my wedgie surgically removed.

shotofexpresso · 08/01/2013 15:09

does she usually get in that state?

Can't believe I am telling this story but..

I have never been arrested but v. soon after a baby I went to a xmas work do, I don't even remember how much I drank, walked like I was limping kept falling infront of moving taxi's because I was paralytic. Then being in the taxi made me feel car sick so I went exorcist all over the back seat, I decided to kip on my mums settee as I was in no fit state to take a baby back home, and entered my mothers house covered in my own sick! .

I was mortified I still felt horrifically ill the next day. I'll also tell you I hadn't been in a state like that ever, I hadn't been sick after a session for likr 7 years totally out of character for me, some people underestimate hitting the bottle hard after a dry 9 months is a recipe for disaster! maybe that what happened here?

BunFagFreddie · 08/01/2013 15:16

shotofexpresso. I had a similar shock too and you're right, it's a recipe for disaster. I ended up going for a wee in the wrong room when I got home. It's the most drunk I've ever been.

shotofexpresso · 08/01/2013 15:19

Oh god not sure whats worse sick/wee lol
it takes you a long time to recover too!

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