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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have my judgeypants right up my butt about this?

82 replies

andtoast · 08/01/2013 14:28

A woman I know went on a night out and got extremely drunk, so much so the night ended in her being arrested. Her baby was about a month old at this point.

I can't help thinking this is really terrible, but I'm not sure if AIBU. It might be the Jeremy Kyleness of the details which has me recoiling. Maybe it's no worse than anyone else getting banged up for being a pisshead horror? DH maintains she's within her rights to go and get smashed if she wants. I can't quite accept that. WDYT?

OP posts:

LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake · 08/01/2013 15:23

Yabu if any of your judgement is about:

Her being a woman
Being a parent (unless to do with the criminal act)
Having a month old baby

Yanbu to judge someone commuting the criminal offender of being d and d.

LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake · 08/01/2013 15:23

committing

Crinkle77 · 08/01/2013 15:25

Know where you are coming from OP. I have had friends of mine who have had a baby then gone out on the lash shortly after. I know they have had 9 months of abstinence and deserve bit of a blow out but it's one thing having a few drinks and another getting totally slaughtered. I often wonder how they find the energy with a new born and how they cope the next day

BunFagFreddie · 08/01/2013 15:33

shotofexpresso, I don't know about you, but I didn't drink much.

shotofexpresso · 08/01/2013 15:44

I think I drank quite a big but I can take my drink, usually mates and I start off with a whole pitcher to ourselves, then have like 6 or 7
drinks during the night but I'm fine after. That time was crazy though.

JakeBullet · 08/01/2013 15:46

Wow a mixture of YABU and YANBU...

My feeling is that unless you know the details it's hard to judge. I have a friend who did something g similar to this...baby was 5 months. She was actually in the ealy stages of developing severe agoraphobia and drank herself silly in an attempt to feel okay about being out.

Original poster

andtoast · 08/01/2013 15:48

OK, I think the arrest may have been due to aggression, there's a history of that anyway and some other details make me think this is likely.

The baby is FF and was being cared for elsewhere.

To the posters who pointed out that a baby won't know different but what about when her DC are 3 or 4 years old, I didn't say the baby was her only child.

I guess I am judging her because I cannot grasp the idea of leaving a baby overnight at that age, especially not to get so minced I was scrapping/picked up etc. It seems completely alien to me.

I think it would be just as bad for a man to do that, but on a personal level I can't fathom how a mother could do it. And I well remember the effects of the first glass of wine after each of mine!

OP posts:

PiccadillyCervix · 08/01/2013 15:50

If you are a parent of either sex and have a one month old at home you have more important things to be worrying about that getting so revoltingly drunk that you get arrested.

Tryharder · 08/01/2013 15:51

Lots of good reasons on here why we shouldn't judge etc etc..

But yeah, OP, the nasty judgy part of me would be judging away at this.

lolaflores · 08/01/2013 15:52

Some people get taken in for their own safety too. Though has she been charged. The police may have picked her up to save her from getting her own head kicked in as well. Dunno. Suppose you gotta be there. Which you weren't and from the long view it is easy to make shapes into facts.

I have gotten wasted but it was on off care with DP. He would take baba noo and mummy was off for the night. Next day though, hell high water. mummy back int he driving seat.

ImKateandsoismywife · 08/01/2013 15:56

Since having my dcs my tolerance for alcohol is ridiculously low, I'm pretty pissed after 2 glasses of wine maybe shes the same? I used to be able to drink a lot but these days I just can't do it!

ImKateandsoismywife · 08/01/2013 15:59

Just to clarify I haven't been drinking, my post makes it look like I'm drunk now!

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 08/01/2013 16:00

No one should get so drunk that it warrants getting arrested, but I think 'I can't fathom how a mother could do it' is a sexist attitude and YABU.

Dahlen · 08/01/2013 16:02

I cannot grasp the idea of leaving a baby overnight at that age

Why not? Genuinely. What's so wrong about it?

Many men would routinely be away with a baby of that age and no one would bat an eyelid.

In many times throughout history and today across the world there are situations when women will leave their babies overnight at this age.

What about a mother who leaves overnight to see a sick relative? Is that ok because it's not 'fun'? The effect on the baby is the same after all.

Every mother should do what feels right for her in terms of parenting ethos. There is no right and wrong, just opinions (bar the obvious like hitting your baby or starving it or whatever). If you don't want to be separated from your child, fine, and no way should anyone force you to be. But condemning other women for daring to behave like individuals first and mother's second is part of the reason why women still bear more than their fair share of parenting responsibilities despite it being 2013 and why so many women's careers continue to suffer so badly after having children.

A baby has the right to be able to rely on its parents to have its needs met (physical and emotional), but this doesn't mean to the point where the mother ceases to be an individual in her own right. A baby is not going to come to harm for being left in the care of its father or doting grandparents for one night.

lolaflores · 08/01/2013 16:07

DAHLEN hear bloody hear that woman....

lovelyladuree · 08/01/2013 16:52

If she was the father of the one month old baby,would anyone be batting an eyelid? No,thought not.

squeakytoy · 08/01/2013 17:02

was she intending to be out for the whole night? I dont suppose she had factored a sleepover in the cells as part of the outing...

I would judge, but only because I cant stand drunk aggressive people, male or female.

mayorquimby · 08/01/2013 17:22

she sounds like a useless bitch.
No different to if someone came on here and said "aibu about DH going out binge drinking and getting arrested. By the way we have a 1 month old"

everyone would rightly be judging him as a bastard/asshole/prick/take your pick.
No different for either parent, they deserve to be judged.

mayorquimby · 08/01/2013 17:23

"If she was the father of the one month old baby,would anyone be batting an eyelid? No,thought not. "

you think the mn majority would give the father of a one month old who got arrested for aggressive behaviour while out on the lash a "boys will be boys" pass? would they fuck

Feminine · 08/01/2013 17:24

Of course she was wrong.

No ifs or buts.

Who does that? its a shame fertility is wasted on some people.

pictish · 08/01/2013 17:26

Well said dahlen.

naughtycloud1 · 08/01/2013 17:33

its not good for anybody to be arrested, i hope she had someone who was at home to look after baby next day because i know your not in a fit state after a night out if you,ve had loads to drink.

naughtycloud1 · 08/01/2013 17:36

well said dahlen the voice of reason.

Feminine · 08/01/2013 17:38

dahlen I disagree.

Women shouldn't do things that endanger themselves possibly leaving the child without one parent. Normal everyday life risks are one thing, drinking with a one month at home is quite frankly deplorable!

A man going off and doing this is also an idiot. I am sure the Mother would appreciate some help at that stage of a newborns life.

Actually, I always think it strange that 'adults' that have chosen to procreate expect to have the same freedoms once they are parents!

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 08/01/2013 17:38

i read an article about a pregnant woman being proud of going out on the lash every weekend with her mates, stumbling home drunk.

Now that i got my judgywudgypants on for.

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