Oh, my Lord. Headdesk moment with my relative.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

I have distant relatives who moved overseas years ago - their daughter (a few years older than me) has been in touch to see if she could stay with us while she tries to do some studying in the UK.

She is convinced Oxford is part of greater London.
She is convinced, despite me sending her train times, that the drive into London would be quick and easy as a commute.

Is there a gentle way to tell someone that, um, possibly, what with it being the country I grew up in, I might possibly know better about this?!

Send her a map ?

No let her find out for herself sweetly smile and stand back and let her get on with it.

You can let them know your thoughts and give advice but no point worrying if they don't want to listen.

This will not impact on you and have have doen the correct thing and tried to tell her

She's seen the map. She has patiently explained to me that she drives a similar distance every day at home and it is simply a matter of not being scared of driving, as we Brits are.

I will admit, a tiny bit of me would really like to say, yes, come over, do stay ... and then to see what happened the first morning.

ivy - great minds, obviously!

She wants to stay with us, which I'd be perfectly happy with, but honestly, I suspect she'd be a total nightmare.

She also seems to have slightly unrealistic ideas about how easy it is to walk into UK HE and start studying.

Ah we'll, she obviously knows best.

I remember a neighbour having guest over who flew into Manchester and they had looked at the map and saw Oxford wasn't that far - so they said we will be with you in half and hour maps don't show the M6 traffic any more than they show the M1 traffic or facebook mutterings of friends stuck in the traffic every morning

Well not we'll bloody auto correct

Hahaha.

I was chatting once to a lovely American who had made a once-in-a-lifetime visit to the UK. She told me that she and her husband had driven to London for a planned day trip from wherever they were staying. They drove around for hours and couldn't find anywhere to park, so they went home again without seeing anything.

You need to be firm, LRD.

I have dear colonial cousins and every time they come to the UK they are not at all fazed by the distances, but they end up freaking out at the costs of trains, petrol, etc. - and the traffic and delays.

Be clear. 'Travelling from Barnes to central Oxford takes 3 hours each way and will cost you fifty quid unless you travel after 10am.'

well she will need a visa to study - so that part has to be done at home first - surely that part will start to warn her?

Also say she is welcome to stay with you but as we have strikt rules you will need to see her offer of a place in HE first before she leaves her own country

tunnocks - tempting!

I have a suspicion, based on her parents when they last visited my parents back in the 90s, that the idea of covering a distance of upwards of 100 yards in something other than a car would not really cross her mind.

Haha. As a South African it took me a while to work out that a drive of 100km was not the quick hour here it would be at home. I still struggle with the reality that from sw London to Cornwall is at least five hours.

ivy - she was born here and has dual citizenship, so I don't think she will? Her sister was over here for a bit.

hahaha! don't let her stay with you - no matter how much you like her, she'll get on your nerves. find her somewhere to share in oxford. and let her drive into london daily. hahahaha!

oh, stop. i don't know this woman. why should i hate her?

the last time i drove in oxford (long time ago) thom yorke was behind me in the traffic jam. i was just looking in the mirror thinking, that man has lips just like thom yorke when he started to nod... later he changed lanes and drove at a snails pace beside me while i tried to sink into non-existence...

Send her a picture of a carpark and point out that that is what most of her commute will resemble. The A40 in and out of London is a joyous experience at rush hour.

I believe traffic around Oxford is similarly awful.

This is an oddly familiar thread LRD, have you posted about something similar before?

I'd suggest mentioning that it'll take her half an hour before she even clears the ringroad.. what about showing her googlemaps with the traffic showing?

Sorry, I have just realized this wasn't even vaguely an AIBU, really, just me thinking What. The. Fuck.

But anyway: chazs, that might work.

same - yes, I think she would get on my nerves! Especially after the first day she realized she's not in London.

jareth - not even vaguely, I don't think?!

I've never had any of them over to stay before, we barely see them.

On a different note- is she planning to study at Oxford University (rather than another institution in the city) if so, don't they have a residence requirement so you have to live in Oxford.

Don't under any circumstances let such a bossy know all stay in your house for more than a night or two. You will kill her.

And she'll be the one scared of driving after navigating Cowley rd or London road at rush hour

Sorry have I got it the wrong way around you are in Oxford and she is planning to commute to London. If so where the hell is she planning on parking?