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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Oh, my Lord. Headdesk moment with my relative.

48 replies

LRDtheFeministDragon · 07/01/2013 17:53

I have distant relatives who moved overseas years ago - their daughter (a few years older than me) has been in touch to see if she could stay with us while she tries to do some studying in the UK.

She is convinced Oxford is part of greater London.
She is convinced, despite me sending her train times, that the drive into London would be quick and easy as a commute.

Is there a gentle way to tell someone that, um, possibly, what with it being the country I grew up in, I might possibly know better about this?!

OP posts:

Original poster

LRDtheFeministDragon · 07/01/2013 18:08

chazs - she wants to be in London, so I don't know they need a residence requirement.

To be entirely fair, I think she is just planning it out and it's not as if she's about to descend on me next week.

I'm just being mean.

The Oxford Tube is really good.

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JarethTheGoblinKing · 07/01/2013 18:08

Hmmm must be someone else then :)

Tunnocks has it - show her the oxford tube timetable. Doesn't that allow about 2 hours to get to London?

Original poster

LRDtheFeministDragon · 07/01/2013 18:09

I didn't even think to ask about parking.

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ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/01/2013 18:09

Oh and the Congestion Charge

Original poster

LRDtheFeministDragon · 07/01/2013 18:13

God knows.

Ah well, I feel much better for a quiet 'WTF' on here.

OP posts:

ivykaty44 · 07/01/2013 18:20

She may be fun to have around - let her stay and then keep us updated on her notions and ideas

YokoUhOh · 07/01/2013 18:22

My husband takes the Oxford Tube 4 days a week during rush hour and it takes about 1h40 from Thornhill (the closest Oxford stop to London). It's not the world's most straightforward commute. Love how people from big countries think that Oxford is a suburb of London :)

NadiaWadia · 07/01/2013 18:24

How long does she plan to stay?

If you think she'll be a nightmare, than think twice about this! You have an understandable urge to be kind and hospitable, but may end up regretting it speaks from bitter experience

Unless you are very laidback, of course. Or at least set down some groundrules.

Original poster

LRDtheFeministDragon · 07/01/2013 18:25

Oh, no I am definitely going to say no, nadia. Apart from anything else my place isn't very big and last time I had a mate to stay, although it was nice, it was cramped.

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Original poster

LRDtheFeministDragon · 07/01/2013 18:26

The Oxford-is-London thing never seems to die - I assume it's because of TV showing pretty old buildings in the one and then the other.

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ivykaty44 · 07/01/2013 18:28

LRD which country is she living in now?

EuroShagmore · 07/01/2013 18:31

I had similar idiocy from the then Italian boyfriend when moving to London deciding he was going to live in Kingsbury (zone 4/5 NW), saying it wouldn't be that far from me. At that time I was living in Bexley (zone 6 SE). It took an hour and a half to get between the two by car or public transport. Tvvat. He refused to believe me about the size of London or the time it takes to get around the place, despite me having lived here for about 25 years at the time and him having popped over on a school exchange once.

There's no telling the forrins who think they know the place better than us, LRD. Just sit back and enjoy watching them figure it out.

Pixel · 07/01/2013 18:42

I was chatting once to a lovely American who had made a once-in-a-lifetime visit to the UK. She told me that she and her husband had driven to London for a planned day trip from wherever they were staying. They drove around for hours and couldn't find anywhere to park, so they went home again without seeing anything.

You've just described our visit to Oxford last year . We had actually given up and were heading out of town back to our humble tent when we spotted a free disabled bay and nipped in quick (ds does have a blue badge!). We had a nice what was left of the day but on the way home we saw some park and ride signs that we'd missed on the way in, Grr!

boomting · 07/01/2013 18:50

In all fairness, the 1h20 commute (at this time of day, going into London) that google maps reckons it to be wouldn't be considered a commute in many places (Australia springs to mind). However, I suggest that you point out to her the cost of petrol (convert it into local currency if necessary), the congestion charge, the traffic, and the sheer impossibility of parking in central London.

In addition, if she wants to start studying at a UK university this then her UCAS application needs to be in by 15th January. If she wanted to apply to Oxford / Cambridge, then the deadline passed in October.

Original poster

LRDtheFeministDragon · 07/01/2013 19:04

ivy - she's currently just back from Africa, but has grown up in several places across North America and I think she lived somewhere else for a bit too. So I don't think it's that she's not well-travelled, it's just she doesn't seem to give up on assumptions easily.

pixel - oh, that's so annoying! Another time, other than the Park and Ride, there is some parking under Gloucester Green (or, erm, PM me if I still live here and I'll give you a day permit ).

boom - she's postgrad. I think she has in mind some kind of diploma anyway, so not sure how it would work, might be much more relaxed. She's in her early 30s.

I'm sure she'll work it all out in the end.

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Trills · 07/01/2013 19:15

She's staying with you? Have you moved into a bigger house/flat than last time you talked about your flat?

(possibly a few years ago, my MN memory seems to think that everything was closer than it really was)

Original poster

LRDtheFeministDragon · 07/01/2013 19:27

She's definitely not staying with us!

And no. But hopefully within the next couple of months.

Good memory! That was one of my formative MN moments, I think, if we're thinking of the same one. Thank you so much.

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Trills · 07/01/2013 19:30

I would be very grr at the "scared of driving" comment.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 07/01/2013 19:53

You're offering day permits for parking in Oxford? You could make a fortune LRD

TheCatIsEatingIt · 07/01/2013 20:08

I'm pretty sure postgrads don't have to live in Oxford - my friend commuted from London for the last year of her PhD so she could live with her DP. The commute was hellish and she was permanently knackered.

krasnayaploshad · 07/01/2013 20:24

Boomting whatever makes you think that a 1h20 commute wouldn't be considered a commute in Australia? It's quite common in the cities - Melb & Sydney for a start.
OP - I've found for people such as your relative that they won't believe you until they experience it for themselves.

CommanderShepard · 07/01/2013 20:55

Well they did rename Kidlington airport London Oxford...

I have friends who commute to London on the Tube/X90. I happen to think they're a bit mad, though one of my colleagues does the opposite way round - lives in Hillingdon, keeps a bike at Thornhill.

Original poster

LRDtheFeministDragon · 07/01/2013 22:07

jareth - I only have them for one little area, but I always have more than I need. I think you get done for selling them though!

thecat - universities seem to vary about residancy requirements. My mate in Cambridge had to live within the 5 mile radius from Great St Mary's and had a massive fuss over it until she married, at which point they decided it was ok. OTOH my commute is nearly 200 miles.

The point is more that I am not sure she's really going into this from a position of knowing how it will work. I know quite a lot of people who commute into London, but they've prepared themselves for a long commute.

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