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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For thinking MIL is BU for not using her Tesco points for us anymore

91 replies

elizaregina · 07/01/2013 17:51

Big on going Probs with PILS, they have one of our clubcards - they spend alot at tesco and with thier points and ours we were able to take DD to some fab places last year there is no way we could afford to without them - for instance - lego land, warwick castle etc, etc...

They seem to use the card depending on if we are in or out of favour, It has been explained to them in detail how much you get in value for points etc...and how it goes on days out for DD.

AIBU for thinking MIL not using her card when she is upset with us is petty beyond belief, and only affects the DD she is supposed to love, and its a way of doing something great at no cost to them and also hardly any effort save scanning the card at checkout! BTW i dont think they would benefit from the points themselves at all - as quite well off.

OP posts:
PeachActiviaMinge · 07/01/2013 17:56

They're doing you a favour using your card its really up to them if they bother or not. Yes its petty if they are using it only when you're in good books but even you don't seem sure on that. It doesn't matter if someone is well off if they want to save the points they're earning for themselves then that is their choice.

sparkle12mar08 · 07/01/2013 18:03

YABU - she's doing you a favour by using it at all. Yes she may be petty, but you're ungrateful. Stop carping and grow up.

KatAndKit · 07/01/2013 18:04

Really? you are getting worked up over supermarket loyalty points? You should be grateful that they let you get points when they could have their own clubcard and have all the points for themselves. Her behaviour might be petty if she is deliberately not scanning the card but you would be even more petty to start an argument over supermarket points. Failure to scan a card does not mean she does not love your daughter. Children do not actually need expensive days out to be loved.
Just because they are well off does not mean they would not benefit from the points themselves - they could use them on a day out for themselves.

StuntGirl · 07/01/2013 18:05

I would just ask for your card back and not bother. If they then choose to use their own points to treat their granddaughter then smile accept with grace. You're just going to waste energy and head space getting drawn into toxic family politics otherwise.

MrsKeithRichards · 07/01/2013 18:06

Are you checking online to see when she has or hasn't used it?

SomethingProfound · 07/01/2013 18:06

On what are you basing the assumption that they "seem to use the card depending on if we are in or out of favour"?

Have you considered that perhaps they are using their own card in order to save for something, or they may need to cut back so have found that they need these point that they are acquiring.

To use your club card to begin with was a favour and not on obligation, you sound very entitled.

lockets · 07/01/2013 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gumby · 07/01/2013 18:08

Use your own card & then you wouldn't feel so irate

Gumby · 07/01/2013 18:09

Also loving your first world problem Grin

LovesBeingAtHomeForChristmas · 07/01/2013 18:10

Well take it or leave it, she doesn't have to and probably doesn't really want too.

Greensleeves · 07/01/2013 18:12

Er, YANBU - if she is using ANY means of "punishing" you (and your dd) when she is annoyed with you, then she is being petty and spiteful. The only sane way of dealing with people like this is to avoid ever being beholden to them for anything.

My answer would be to get the damn thing off her and cut it in half.

You may have to get used to fewer treats, but at least you won't have to sit up and beg for them.

wewereherefirst · 07/01/2013 18:12

Earn your own points to have these luxuries.

What a nightmare DIL you are!

Original poster
elizaregina · 07/01/2013 18:13

I would in no way mention this to them - re points - or start an argument at all...

Yes I have noticed use stops when they/she is unhappy with us - ....

They absoluty do not need to cut back at all and I am 95% sure they would not use the points themselves...

They know we are really struggling at the moment and this is a way to give DD nice days out....

I just personally couldnt imagine myself not scanning the card because I was getting my own way with the parents that had nothing to do with DD.....

However I do note they are doing us a " favour" ....and I shouldnt feel its thier obligation to use it....

OP posts:
lockets · 07/01/2013 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect · 07/01/2013 18:13

She should collect the points for herself.Then all of this petty shit can be avoided.

ShatnersBassoon · 07/01/2013 18:14

"...only affects the DD she is supposed to love"

I don't think neglecting the Clubcard point collection is an indicator that she doesn't love your child. You need to work out a better system for making yourselves happy, if MIL failing to get enough points for Legoland is a make or break for your family relationships.

HappyMummyOfOne · 07/01/2013 18:15

You are the parent, if you want days out then collect your own points or fund the cost yourself. As an adult, why should your MIL fund your lifestyle?

As for "in and out of favour", it sounds very childish but you sound very entitled so perhaps MIL is fed up of being used.

Floggingmolly · 07/01/2013 18:16

How on earth do you ascertain that she's done a shop and failed to use her clubcard???????
And it does have a cost to her - she could be using the points herself. You are being ridiculously unreasonable.

Original poster
elizaregina · 07/01/2013 18:17

"You may have to get used to fewer treats, but at least you won't have to sit up and beg for them. "

yes thats true - i feel quite Blush now. They used to have a card, then I noticed usage was stopped when we had more severe problems...they then lost the card and Dh wanted to replace - I didnt...

I said what you said Green to DH....

BUT.........we werent able to go on holiday last year or anything - so a few days out here and there really were the highlights of the year....

OP posts:
Original poster
elizaregina · 07/01/2013 18:21

"As an adult, why should your MIL fund your lifestyle?"

Your right she shouldnt but lots of people I know DP's do this for them as a way to help out without direclty paying...

Lots of people wouldnt get much if they only used thier points themselves so quite a few are happy to let them go to one source who will benefit most....usually Dc and GC.

OP posts:
Shinyshoes1 · 07/01/2013 18:24

Get your own card then you haven't got to be worrying about petty things like this
I don't earn enough points for days out I just save a little money if I can tough shit really

It's not the be all end all and I doubt your dd will be traumatised forevermore because she didn't go to Legoland in the summer half term

Pancakeflipper · 07/01/2013 18:27

If you use a supermarket operating a loyalty points scheme then get a card and save up the points and use to take your child out for a fun day.

See problem solved.

Pancakeflipper · 07/01/2013 18:28

I am going to sulk with my MIL cos she shops at Booths and they don't do points. Selfish moo.

Original poster
elizaregina · 07/01/2013 18:29

we do have our own card - a few other people also collect points for us as either they just wouldnt use them themselves or they would be waiting years to collect any points of worth...

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 07/01/2013 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.