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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For thinking MIL is BU for not using her Tesco points for us anymore

91 replies

elizaregina · 07/01/2013 17:51

Big on going Probs with PILS, they have one of our clubcards - they spend alot at tesco and with thier points and ours we were able to take DD to some fab places last year there is no way we could afford to without them - for instance - lego land, warwick castle etc, etc...

They seem to use the card depending on if we are in or out of favour, It has been explained to them in detail how much you get in value for points etc...and how it goes on days out for DD.

AIBU for thinking MIL not using her card when she is upset with us is petty beyond belief, and only affects the DD she is supposed to love, and its a way of doing something great at no cost to them and also hardly any effort save scanning the card at checkout! BTW i dont think they would benefit from the points themselves at all - as quite well off.

OP posts:
3smellysocks · 07/01/2013 18:30

leave them to it. if they want to be petty, so be it.

Greensleeves · 07/01/2013 18:32

Why are people deliberately missing the point? Is it because it is more fun having a pop at OP?

It doesn't matter what mechanism the MIL is using to "punish" her family for not toeing the line. The fact that she is doing it at all is wrong.

That is why I would cut the card up and not get myself into a position again where she could dangle a carrot in front of me and then yank it away. Because she is the sort of person who does that. And losing out on a day trip is well worth it, not to have that relationship with anyone.

Bubblegum78 · 07/01/2013 18:37

I don't think this is about your DD, this is about you being cross that you can't have the lifestyle you were accustomed to?

I don't mean it unkindly but I do think that's what the issue is.

You say you have others collecting aswell, you must be doing very well out of this!?

The bottom line is that this is silly, you need to find a way to get these things yourself, relying on others is self esteem destroying and whilst you have others doing this for you where is the incentive to better yourselves?

You say you can't afford a holiday, do you have a car? If so, book a week somewhere nice with Haven, you pay a £50 deposit and you have the rest of the year to pay it off, worst comes to worst use your CB.

MrsKeithRichards · 07/01/2013 18:37

How many people have you got collecting for you?

Pendipidy · 07/01/2013 18:40

How many people have you got collecting points for you?! You know they are not meant to be used like this?
You are complaining about people not doing you a favour , remember what a favour is? They don't have to do it for you at all!

HollySheet · 07/01/2013 18:44

You have more than one person collecting for you??

Is it allowed? Confused

usualsuspect · 07/01/2013 18:45

I wasn't having a pop at the OP.I couldn't be bothered to have petty rows about clubcard points so would tell Pils not to bother.

Original poster
elizaregina · 07/01/2013 18:45

Yes Pend

Buts its more a favour for DD isnt it....

Going to legoland isnt really a lifestyle I personally aspire too!!!

LOADS of mums I know have memebers of thier families collecting points for them, if you live alone - use tescoe very rarely - why on earth not collect points for your family if they are going to get great value out of them but you are not....

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 07/01/2013 18:48

It's perfectly sensible for the points to be pooled and used by someone who actually needs them and can buy something substantial. Who gives a shit whether it's true to Tesco's original vision or not?

Crinkle77 · 07/01/2013 18:50

They do sound rather petty but they are only supermarket loyalty points. Not worth getting bothered about.

notmyproblem · 07/01/2013 18:50

What Greensleeves said, especially this bit:

"You may have to get used to fewer treats, but at least you won't have to sit up and beg for them. "

Read that through a few more times, then get the card back from them, don't expect anything more from them and if they do give you money or nice days out, thank them graciously and leave it at that.

BeerTricksPotter · 07/01/2013 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaCiccolina · 07/01/2013 18:50

Bu and spoilt.

Really sorry as I really wanted to find mil bu tbh but with ur posts its v hard... :(

usualsuspect · 07/01/2013 18:50

my mum used to collect the points for me.

Original poster
elizaregina · 07/01/2013 18:51

Greensleeves your totally right....this is exaclty how I felt when DH gave her a replacement card .....but then I thought of DD and relented....

They have offered to pay for qiute a few things for DD but there is no way I would accept them actually paying outright for something...I stupidly thought this is something they could do inadvertantly without being too tricky...ie couldnt get that thrown back at us one day - we paid for DD to do x,y and z...

HOWEVER - it is stupid and we shouldnt have replaced that card and I must forget thier points in put!!!!!!

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 07/01/2013 18:53

Take away anything they can control cos when they get petty you get upset.

It's not worth it.

Holidays - wasn't there a newspaper that did cheap hols?

Trills · 07/01/2013 18:59

do this for them as a way to help out without direclty paying

You may not realise it, and she might not realise it, but the "points" that she is giving you are exactly equivalent to money.

If she is deliberately not using the card because she is in a huff with you then that is very petty behaviour, but maybe she just can't be bothered, or has got a card of her own after realising quite what it is worth.

LadyBeagleEyes · 07/01/2013 19:04

If I didn't collect points for myself but used the clubcard, I'd quite happily give them to someone else.
Why not, it's better than them going to waste.

McNewPants2013 · 07/01/2013 19:09

I get all my mums points from tesco, she aways forgets hers and I take her shopping.

I do think mil is bu to agree to collect them for you then use them against you.

NewYearNewNN · 07/01/2013 19:15

'but there is no way I would accept them actually paying outright for something..' Why won't you let them buy things for their grandchild?

Original poster
elizaregina · 07/01/2013 19:28

NewYear - its a long long back story....but its all down to control really and lots of other things...they do buy her things..they have offered to pay for extras like lessons for stuff...I dont ask them to buy her things and neither does DH....

I would love to accept thier offer for extras as I know they can easily afford all that stuff but unfurntaly due to politics we would/could never go there...its not worth it - it was really really silly to re issue that clubcard!

Greensleves hit nail on head with the " mechanism" comment.

OP posts:
NewYearNewNN · 07/01/2013 19:41

I get you.

Sorry they're like that.

NUFC69 · 07/01/2013 20:12

Have you just not thought that they might forget? I have a Nectar card for Sainsburys and I am always forgetting it, particularly when I swap handbags. And then sometimes I remember when I am on the way out and can't be bothered to go upstairs to get it.

drownangels · 07/01/2013 20:19

Why are you out of flavour with your PIL?

lockets · 07/01/2013 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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