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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a reply doesn't absolutely have to be an RSVP card?

83 replies

swizzles · 07/01/2013 11:49

My friend is getting married in April. She is quite a bit younger than me (10 years younger) and at a completely different life stage but nevertheless she has always been a bit high maintenance and likes things her own way.

She is the type of person who sends out 'save the date' cards for her birthday about 10 months in advance so you absolutely have to attend a party (she lives 50 miles away so its not always easy).

She sent a save the date card for the wedding, fair enough. She also had 'official' engagement photos done in the style of William and Kate.

The invitations were received over the xmas holidays with an RSVP date on new years eve. It's a child free wedding. Our only childcare is our inlaws and they were on holiday so we couldn't ask them. She sent me a text when we didn't rsvp on time giving us a deadline of this week to let her know as she needed to do the seating arrangements. We have finally been able to respond 'yes' as parents are babysitting, however she is now requesting an RSVP card rather than a simple 'yes'.

AIBU to think this is all a bit over the top? I have two small kids and I work. I don't routinely have RSVP cards in the house and I don't have much spare time to go out shopping for them. Why can't she just accept a 'yes.'

She is not remotely posh, btw. We are not talking 'its the done thing in those circles' by any stretch.

OP posts:
verytellytubby · 07/01/2013 11:53

Completely OTT! I look forward to the Bridezilla posts over the next few months Wink

ilovepowerhoop · 07/01/2013 11:53

tell her to send you an rsvp card that you can send back to her! When we got wedding invitations there was a card in it to post back - if she was that bothered about it she should have send them out with the invitations.

Flobbadobs · 07/01/2013 11:53

YANBU. Sounds a little ott to me, can you get specific rsvp cards now? When I've sent one in the past - to a friend who sounds very similar- I just got a nice plain card and sent the reply back in that.

EldritchCleavage · 07/01/2013 11:54

She is entirely unreasonable to want and chase a response by a certain time. I think she is being unreasonable and quite rude to try to dictate how you respond. As long as your answer is clear, what does it matter? Did she need more than a 'yes', e.g. dietary requirements, whether you are attending ceremony and reception, etc?

What you do now depends on whether you want to keep the peace or make a point. I'd probably just write her a very short note 'Dear X, just a note to confirm in writing that...' and post it, or e-mail that to her.

If she really is demanding an actual RSVP card she is tapped. You can't find them anymore, hardly (I know, I use them when I can find them).

bootsycollins · 07/01/2013 11:56

Bridezilla! What a psycho! Say it must have got lost in the post? Imagine how comedy the weddings gonna be! Has she not organised 12 hen doos yet or does she not have enough friends to invite?. She sounds a pain but how ridiculously entertaining for you! Hahaha!

Primrose123 · 07/01/2013 11:56

Can you get a bit of card and just write RSVP on it with a short note? I would be annoyed at having to go shopping for a RSVP card too.

On the other hand, perhaps she wants to keep all the wedding cards, engagement cards, RSVP cards etc. for the future.

Then again there's always the funky pigeon type card.

VodkaGirl77 · 07/01/2013 11:56

When I sent out invitations to our wedding I jokingly said to dp that I would only accept RSVP cards as a response, but have happily received cards, emails, texts and Facebook messages from our friends and family - I think she is being very unreasonable!

For me, our main problem is people who still haven't responded even though it's now under six weeks to our wedding (and invites went out beginning of November to miss getting mixed in with Christmas post!

bootsycollins · 07/01/2013 12:00

Thinking on it you should send her an RSVP with a really anal itinerary including service station stops, estimated time of arrival etc etc etc. you can buy RSVP cards in Paperchase and WHsmith.

Original poster
swizzles · 07/01/2013 12:01

I am married myself and organised my own wedding so I understand you have to make final arrangements and people mess you about. However I think it was a badly timed to send the invitations out with the Christmas cards and expect a response by NYE.

I have texted her to ask whether there was an RSVP card included with the invite and she has replied 'no'. She apparently wants to make a book out of the rsvp cards.

OP posts:
Bluestocking · 07/01/2013 12:05

Here's a perfect card for you to use.

Original poster
swizzles · 07/01/2013 12:06

Oh god that's just the ticket but I couldn't....

OP posts:
Original poster
swizzles · 07/01/2013 12:07

(she didn't invite me to the hen do)

OP posts:
wigglesrock · 07/01/2013 12:10

Did she not put an RSVP postcard type thing in the invite, if she was that desperate for numbers to be organised. You know the done thing is to write a letter not send an RSVP card any way Wink

God any weddings I've been to invites were sent out 6-8 weeks beforehand.

MrsMushroom · 07/01/2013 12:12

Just make her one. Send it. Life's too short to upset people over the cost of a stamp. Yes she's fussy but it will make her happy. I'm all about that and think more of us should be really.

Original poster
swizzles · 07/01/2013 12:15

I think its going to be a bit bridezilla isnt it?

When I said we hadn't sorted out childcare she suggested we brought them to the church and the evening and missed the reception.

It's 50 miles away. I'm not sure what she thought we would do between 2pm and 8pm with two little kids all dressed up for a wedding.

OP posts:
10storeylovesong · 07/01/2013 12:20

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

Original poster
swizzles · 07/01/2013 12:25

It's different if you've actually sent a card and paid for those cards. Yes I would return that for the price of a stamp!

I had a message book at my wedding, it was lovely, and better as a keepsake than some cards with names on, surely?

OP posts:
Hullygully · 07/01/2013 12:26

AN RSVP CARD?

What, so if something crops up she can brandish it in court when she sues you for breaking a written contract?

bootsycollins · 07/01/2013 12:27

No hen doo invite? Ouch!.

Original poster
swizzles · 07/01/2013 12:31

Yes I was a bit surprised she didnt ask me but it was something I'd have hated (pole dancing, long way away, whole weekend. I've had two kids....). TBH I think the 'done thing' would have been to say 'I don't think it's your cup of tea but you are welcome to come...' and I would have graciously declined!

OP posts:
CloudsAndTrees · 07/01/2013 12:32

She needs to be educated on wedding etiquette if she wants to go this over the top.

Guests don't RSVP to save the date cards, they respond to an invitation when they have actually received and invitation.

A save the date is a save the date, not an invitation.

Original poster
swizzles · 07/01/2013 12:34

No, the save the date card came last summer.

It's the invitation that she wants an RSVP card to - but she didn't send one

OP posts:
IwishIwasmoreorganised · 07/01/2013 12:39

Have you got any cards in the house?

happy 3rd birthday, get well soon, new home etc?

Just cross out the wrong greeting and write RSVP in your best Sharpie pen.

That should do the trick!

Cheeky cow!

CloudsAndTrees · 07/01/2013 12:42

Oh, sorry, I misread!

Still if she wants RSVP cards to keep then she should have sent them in with the invites, with stamped addressed envelopes.

I think wanting a written RSVP is ok, because I remember from wedding planning that it was a bit of a job to keep track of who had replied, who needed chasing, people's dietary requirements, if they were bringing their children and that kind of thing, but an email should suffice.

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 07/01/2013 12:43

good luck to her future husband Grin

nye for a reply date is stupid. when we got married we gave people 3 months to reply... and still had to chase some people. we accepted the late ones if they told us via text, email etc. just tell her to either accept the yes, or you dont go cause you have 2 young children and cant get to the shops.

or... you could fold a piece of paper in half, draw a crappy pic on the front, write yes inside, then send Grin