To not feel rich even though husband earns £250k a year

[whoovian]

I don't feel rich - I scarcely feel comfortable on this level of income.

Why is that - I grew up in a very poor family (not enough food at times type of poor) so I know what poverty feels like.

We are not extravagent spenders - we have one 1 week european holiday a year, no savings however we do have 4 children in private school(!) and live in London.

I feel unreasonable when I consider how little income others survive on but what do you think?

It's quite simple - pick either your thickest kid who's not going to do anything anyway, or your brightest kid who'll do well regardless (or maybe just both?) and take them out of the private school. And you'll feel rich again.

Wow you're disposing double what we live on. Mental. You must be spending it on something, or are you seriously telling me your struggling to balance to books at the end of the month when you have over 3k to play with?

It's because feeling rich has nothing to do with having money. It's about who you are as a person and how much you appreciate the smaller things in life.

Seeing as you feel it's appropriate to post this kind of bullshit I would say it is something that's lacking in you making you feel that way.

Now I'm off to get a bandage because my heart is literally bleeding for you.

I enjoyed typing my post though, diabolo

and so for that I am thankful

You are unreasonable to not feel comfortable. I cant stand parents who send their children to fee paying schools and then complain about how poor they are. Its ridiculous. You chose to pay those fees so you simply cant say you feel poor, its just that you chose to spend circa 80k a year on school fees.

I am not critical of private schooling, I support it, but its a choice that you have the luxury of making

Your post made me laugh AnyFucker

I don't hate privately educated folks. DH is one and so is DS. I just don't have sympathy for someone who is in a position of choice versus the many who have no choice.

I very rarely post in these threads but I am aghast that the op thinks having £42K left over isn't enough. We have about £50 left over at the end of the year!! It baffles me. I guess if i was that well off I may think it's not a lot, but ..well, just...but..

That's crazy tax to be paying, but its the fact that your children are in private education, you would be considerably well off only for this so I feel it's a bit unreasonable to be crying poverty here.

42k is still pretty good money to have for bills etc and after mortgage is paid, even in London.

I know a fair few folk who have a good/great income and yet feel..not unhappy, more not content with their finances.

I think there are several factors at play.

There are those who had a comfortable childhood and cannot provide similar for their own DC. Time have changed. One professional salary no longer pays for private school, a lovely home, a pony and a SAHM. They need to keep reminding themselves of this.

There are those who have unrealistic expectations full stop. They think everyone is driving a swanky car and carrying a Mulberry. When of course that's not the case. They need to look properly around them and see what choices people are making.

Too be fair, i'm not sure London does actually

have you looked at other areas of London? (I assume you need to be here for work). You don't say where you live but, for example, south-east London is relatively cheap but 3 very good private schools (Dulwich College, Alleyn's, JAGS) on your doorstep.

You need to start saving. You could easily put aside money on £42k and live comfortably, even in London. You should have money in the bank to cover the fees at the every least - what would happen if your DH became ill, for example?

It's very sad that you don't feel rich on a rich person's salary, especially as you know what it is to be poor, which says something about you but also about the world we live in. Perhaps you could look into doing some voluntary work?

London state schools are spectacularly hit and miss, and the good ones will be hugely oversubscribed. Good ones can also go downhill in a heartbeat.

YABVVU

DH earns about 1/8 of what your DH does and we're comfortable. We live well within our means, though.

You are well within your rights to send your kids to state school, but you choose not to, hence you have no room to complain.

I'm not wound up, or hating people with money but I am amazed the someone has double my household income to dispose of yet doesn't feel rich.

I feel rich in lots of ways, especially when I find a fiver in an old purse. My bank account screeches poor at me but I ooze rich. I'm rich with a roof over my head which someday in the distant future, about a week before I drop down dead probably, will be all mine! I feel rich because my house is warm, I have everything I need. What I've got is enough. Ok I'd like a Ferrari and a couple of spare bedrooms and a manicure every week but, in the words of someone fear to me...You can't always get what you want but if you try some times, you might just find, you get what you need

Stop viewing savings as something you pay for after everything else. If your income after tax, mortagage and schools fees is £42K then stick £1K a month in a savings account. That still leaves you with £28K per year and like other people I'm struggling to think how you can not be extravagant and need more than that.

If the savings go out of your account at the start of the month, then you should find it easier to mentally change perspective on your spending because you'll have a smaller starting balance.

Once you a. get used to that, and b. have some savings, hopefully that will make you feel better. My emphasis on needing savings comes from also not having much as a kid.

opos, maths fail! Not sure where 12 turned into 14 in my head but obviously that leaves £30K

I have considerably more savings than you.

I've not read the whole thread, but will quote Martin Lewis quoting C. Dickens at you: "Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds six, result misery."

You probably instinctively KNOW that your spending is greater than your means (esp with that lack of savings!); I'd suggest doing a budget to see how bad it is: www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/Budget-planning

YANBU

perhaps try drug dealing or prostitution so you and your children won't starve.

Feeling rich is irrelevant. You ARE rich, you've just made decisions which mean that most of your (large) income, is tied up. If you don't like that, make some life changes. I know that's not easily done, but you are in a very fortunate position so enjoy it!

^ snort

Of course London has good state schools.

But Im also of the mind that bright, well supported kids do well in most schools anyway.

If you sent your kids to state schools, you would be rich enough to buffer any of the potential disadvantages for sure.

As the OP has only a £13k per year mortgage, the whole 'living in London is expensive' doesn't really apply here. No huge housing costs anyway.

Ive been broke in London and broke in a much more rural area, it was much much easier being broke in London, so I'm sure someone on the OPs income can scrape by.

Stop wasting a massive chunk of your income on private schools.