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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To not feel rich even though husband earns £250k a year

759 replies

whoovian · 07/01/2013 09:34

I don't feel rich - I scarcely feel comfortable on this level of income.

Why is that - I grew up in a very poor family (not enough food at times type of poor) so I know what poverty feels like.

We are not extravagent spenders - we have one 1 week european holiday a year, no savings however we do have 4 children in private school(!) and live in London.

I feel unreasonable when I consider how little income others survive on but what do you think?

OP posts:
PoshCat · 07/01/2013 11:45

You've got 42k disposable income! You should feel rich because you are.

Anniegetyourgun · 07/01/2013 11:47

Hmm... any other regulars from the Relationships board wondering whether that much disposable income for the household doesn't necessarily equate to the OP having anything to spend for herself? Would she be "allowed" to tuck away a savings fund?

However, I think it's what someone said earlier about the budgeting thing. I know if I look back now at how much I spent casually when I was on twice the income (of mine now, not of the OP's!) I'm quite appalled. Designer coffees and London-price sandwiches don't half add up. But I was passing the shop and it had been a stressful commute and I felt I'd earned it, that sort of thing. Could have saved about £50 a week just by bringing in sandwiches. Like Parkinson's Law, expenditure expands to fill the income available.

I think, for me at least, feeling rich is when you don't have to worry that something will go kaput because you are able to buy another one. If, for example, the OP's not especially expensive car were to give up the ghost in a non-insurable way, would she be able to just potter round to the nearest showroom and say "ok, I'll have that one", rather than "oh fuck, how will I get to work until I can scrape together the first instalment for that 10-year-old Corsa?". That sort of comfort. Or saying "that holiday looks nice, let's book it" rather than "we can only afford this one". If you've got to stop and think before splurging, you're not rich rich. But I daresay everyone has their own definition.

BadLad · 07/01/2013 11:47

To answer your questions:

Why is that? Well, if you spend 70% of your disposable income, then you won't feel as rich as if you didn't. No big mystery.

What do I think? I think you are right to feel unreasonable.

Kendodd · 07/01/2013 11:47

Not read thread but..

Do you want to feel rich?
If so, why?

ElectricalHoHoHoBanana · 07/01/2013 11:47

crikey....42k for everything else?

our family income for three adults (one is DD2 who is disabled) is a lot less than that!

And tbh i feel "well off". we live within our means...we eat well and are always warm. Ok we dont smoke, only DH has a drink and we dont go out very often. We havent had a holiday for a couple of years and we dont have any savings.

I am happy....

WiseKneeHair · 07/01/2013 11:54

This thread has cheered up my Monday morning Grin

Thanks you all

MNHQ
IceTheChristmasKateMumsnet · 07/01/2013 11:56

Morning everyone,

We'd just like to remind you of our talk guidelines, and say that we've gone through this thread and deleted some post.

VisualiseAHorse · 07/01/2013 12:01

I don't feel poor or rich. OH earns about 22K, I earn nothing (SAHM), and we have one child.

But I am am very very happy. I have been VERY poor - part of childhood in the 90's, mum would feed 2 adults and 4 kids on £10/20 a week, and as an adult lived in a yurt earning only 4K a year with a PT job. I had no running water, electricity, no toilet!! Was very happy though (would've been happier had it not been for that fucking ex of mine).

Maybe you're not happy. It's the old 'being rich in love' thing. You really should have some savings though, with a disposable income of 42K. What do you do with this spare cash?

Kinnane · 07/01/2013 12:05

It's all about what families spend their income on. Even if I were very rich I would never send my children to private schools. Others would never send their children to state schools. I wouldn't ever live in London others would never live in the country. Many have no choice at all. Just be happy:) as others have said - do your best - rich or poor you can be happy.

3smellysocks · 07/01/2013 12:05

Of course you are rich, when your kids have left home you won't know what to do with your money.

EastHollyDaleStreet · 07/01/2013 12:06

I have loved the xmas period - I got an extra £300 pay from work for an extra project I undertook and my mum gave me £100. This means that every time I have opened my purse I have had notes in it. And a little in my bank account. I have been able to take the children out to buy the odd extra toy for a fiver, bought myself a few magazines and had a coffee at the gym instead of water. That's just important to me really. Oh god, that sounds like 'my cardboard box is smaller than yours 'Grin but that's just 'rich' to me at the moment!!

JammySplodger · 07/01/2013 12:07

Yeah thanks OP, this is just the sort of post I need in the week we find out of DH gets made redundant from his £30k job (which actually covers us quite nicely, we even managed to stretch to one week camping in North Wales this year!)

Nancy66 · 07/01/2013 12:07

I agree with Amber - have always believed that bright, self-starting kids will thrive in any school. State, private, public whatever...

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 07/01/2013 12:09

Wow, I've been deleted! I only said 'get a grip' and offered a biscuit.

I think there are stronger comments on here. None that deserve deleting though.

drcrab · 07/01/2013 12:09

I think, like some posters here have said, alot of it is due to lifestyle. So when we were students, we thought a buy one get one free pizza deal at Pizza hut was great, and watching movies on student afternoons/evenings when it's cheaper was a great date... and therefore we 'went out' alot. We possibly also shopped at the cheaper supermarkets, at times when things were being marked down, or were happy eating lots of beans on toast.

Fast forward to now, when we have decent wages, with a couple of kids thrown in with childcare to pay for... yes, we have much more money, but we also 'throw away' close to £1000/month just on childcare, have to cook decent meals (therefore having a bigger shop), buy nappies, clothes, shoes for the kids...

we used to go on cheapish holidays... now we fly long haul because we need to visit elderly grandparents once a year and that's costing £3000...

We used to pay £35/week rent; now we pay close to £1000 on mortgage.

People adjust their budgets to suit their lifestyle. It's easier to shop at waitrose because there's underground parking and non-wonky trolleys... it's really not about putting on a platter of waitrose finest nibbles (vs something cheaper).. at least for me anyway.

we used to eat out once or twice a week; now we're lucky if it's once a month... and with vouchers!! :)

NorthernLurker · 07/01/2013 12:11

There are a lot of deleted posts Grin

OP - look, you know where your money is going. It's going on school fees for 4 children and frankly that's only going to get worse. Sounds like you resent that so you and dh must sit down again and talk that through. If you put them all in state schools - could you find schools you could get places in that you like? What would you do with the 85 grand then? Because if it's handbags and extra holidays I think your child's education is a better bet. If it's pensions etc then maybe not.

JammySplodger · 07/01/2013 12:11

Let me try LadyClarice, I've never been deleted before...

Get a grip OP Biscuit

Pootles2010 · 07/01/2013 12:13

Yes of course you're quite well off, but its all objective innit?

People spend what they have. Before i had ds I thought we were struggling, now I have to find £700 a month for his nursery fees. No idea what we were spending that money on Hmm frittering it I guess.

I also suspect you've got rather well off friends, and so this seems normal to you. I'm sure someone living in slums in India would think I'm the luckiest woman on earth.

PessaryPam · 07/01/2013 12:14

whoovian we chose to move out of London to an area where the state schools are very good but we can still get to London pretty easily. I think this is a cheaper option and you get the benefit of living in a healthier environment. Maybe you should consider this option.

TravelinColour · 07/01/2013 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tralalalaha · 07/01/2013 12:20

Is the OP's DH spending it all on fast women? Because I could be fast, just try me!

MrsMelons · 07/01/2013 12:21

I think some people are being a bit unfair, are only people who are struggling allowed to ask for advice?

As someone has mentioned that take home is probably around £140k maybe less if you are paying pension contributions.

Private schools fees in London for 4 children must be huge plus the high cost of living. I would imagine your disposable income is not that big but at the end of the day that is due to your schooling choice.

We earn amout £80k between us and live on the South Coast. Both DCs go to private school but we have paid off the mortgage and chose to stay in a normal 3 bed terrace house rather than get something bigger. We spend about £10k a year on holidays I think we are pretty well off TBH. We have one crap car that I use and one nicer one (not amazing and 4 years old). Sometimes at the end of the month we have nothing left especially after all the after school clubs etc. We do have some savings though.

However we actually live to pretty much the same standard as when I wasn't working at all so had half the income but its the private school that makes all the difference. If we hadn't chosen that route we would be so much better off each month (probably about £1.5-2k per month) so I would feel fairly rich then.

ErikNorseman · 07/01/2013 12:24

Mrsmelons OP has already broken down their income and outgoings, they have £42k income after mortgage and school fees
If they can't work out how to live comfortably on that they are twats need a serious reality check.

MmeLindor · 07/01/2013 12:27

I am surprised that your actually pay that much tax, actually. I thought that all high earners knew how to lower their tax rates.

And you must have bought your house ages ago, if you are only paying £1k a month, and living in a naice area of London (which presumably you are).

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 07/01/2013 12:28

As someone said on another thread in this vein, just because you choose to spend your wealth on discretionary items which make life more comfortable, doesnt mean you're not rich. You just made bad spending choices.

OP, your income is in the top 0.01% of the country. To quote the great Andre Agassi "Take your money and go buy yourself some perspective"