To not feel rich even though husband earns £250k a year

[whoovian]

I don't feel rich - I scarcely feel comfortable on this level of income.

Why is that - I grew up in a very poor family (not enough food at times type of poor) so I know what poverty feels like.

We are not extravagent spenders - we have one 1 week european holiday a year, no savings however we do have 4 children in private school(!) and live in London.

I feel unreasonable when I consider how little income others survive on but what do you think?

OP, lets put this into context.

If you saved just your disposable income for two or three years you could buy the house of many people on this thread outright - no need for a mortgage.

A house that those people on this thread do not even own themselves as they can not afford to get a mortgage for it.

So you are perfectly right when you say you feel unreasonable when I consider how little income others survive and that you scarcely feel comfortable on that level of income.

TBH its got nothing to do with you actual income, before or after tax - £250,000 is a red herring; its essentially how much money you have left after you've paid the mortgage and the bills. Private schooling is not counted as part of that.

You deposable income is actually £127k a year, as you make a free choice for schooling. That is comfortable. Even £42k a year is comfortable.

You need a reality check of what 'comfortable' is really defined on in the UK.
I suggest if you are struggling with this emotionally, that you try and do some voluntary work to find that grip you are looking for.

Also, with 4 kids in private school there is probably a lot to "live up to" in terms of the kind of income bracket they are mixing with, there are probably kids in those schools whose parents are on a couple of million a year!

that is what i was saying after i finished ranting they are trying to live a lifestyle that they can't AFFORD and the millionaire children in her kids school is probably rubbing off on them regardless off income trying to live a certain sort of lifestyle when you cant afford it will make people unhappy imo

Whoop de doo,no business of anyone but you,am unsure why you need to share it's your life/money ,do what you want with it.

Fantastic post mybaby

£42K after bills is actually quite a good disposable income, even in London.

Lets say you spend £5K on travel in and around London for all of you
Thats £37K
Then you have one holiday a year, say £4K
Thats £33K
Then you have new clothes and shoes, lets say £400/month for all of you, including school outfitting £5k
THats £28k
Then food shopping, lets call that £500/month, £6k
Thats £22k
Treats, perhaps some dinners out, theatre, stuff for the children? £400/month
Thats you down to £18K
Car running costs £300/month including petrol £3600
Thats you down to £14400

I am seriously racking my brains as to why with such a large disposable income, you feel like you have so little.

You need to write down EVERY expenditure, and find out where your ££ is going.

Why don't you use your husbands ample earning power to move to a house in the catchment of a good state school, possible a grammar school , and send your children there.You may feel more 'comfortable ' then
HTH

Income distribution - where do you fit in?

I feel as though the op is getting the same kind of vitriol as if this was a benefits bashing thread.

OP I have no real advice, I doubt I would ever be in your position but I do think that you need to start budgeting and taking a real look at what your families outgoings are.

Interesting point about what makes you feel rich.

Before I had DCs, I worked full time and so did DH. My sister often made comments about our spending, sort of implying that we were a bit profligate. eg I remember she had a new electric cooker coming and was stressing about installing it, I said that they would do it for you for an extra £10 and she said "I can't afford an extra £10 to install it."

The thing was that her H had taken early retirement and my sister worked 20 hours a week. She had not at that point worked full time for about 15 years. They could afford to do this as they had no mortgage, an early pension, and money invested from previous house sales.

DH and I however, had a big mortgage, few savings so we had no option but to work full time. TBH honest I would not have expected us not to do so. This did however mean that we could find the odd tenner to have our cooker installed.

My sister saw it as "You are so rich you can afford to pay £10 for something you could probably do yourself if you tried."

But I saw it as "You are so rich you can afford to only work 20 hours a week between the pair of you whereas DH and I have to work 85 hours a week between us."

So some people see rich as "cash in your pocket," others see it as "security and no need to work too hard."

Private school and living in London are the reasons why you aren't feeling the benefit of the 250K per year. Then again, it's what you choose to spend your money on and if those are your priorities you need to plod away really. You'll have more money as the children finish school and then Uni.

It's not fair to flame you, because most of us have gone through stages in life where we feel bad, even if other people think our circumstances are good. As mercibucket pointed out, you probably have issues from your childhood. Even millionaires have issues with feeling finanicially insecure. However, you can't take the money with you once you're gone. I'm sure most of us here would love to send our DC's to a good private school, so you should be very proud of yourself because of what you are doing for them.

Damn! DH makes 40K and we are in the top group of earners! We live in London too but can't afford a house! Baby on the way, no nursery! Lady, you are lucky!

Our income is 70k less than yours. We have a higher morgage but have 60k disposable income. We chose not to send 2dcs to private school as felt we would be over stretching. I suspect that's the big problem.

We have a comfortable lifestyle/ savings etc....but that was our choice.

Interesting website turnip, thanks for sharing. I often think we have no money but it just goes to show we're doing much better than I thought!

Did you try the OP's figures in that website?

Hmmm. Yanbu. You have an unusually high income but by the time you have paid tax and school fees it is greatly reduced to a level which is not so uncommon. Consequently you don't feel 'rich' as such.
Your mistake is the school fees. I seriously hope all your kids manage first class degrees. You need to see some serious bang for your buck achievement wise if you are paying £85k a year!

OP come back and tell us what private school(s) for heaven's sake! You'd feel richer if you moved the kids to more affordable schools for a start.

Make yourself a spreadsheet, put in all outgoings and work out where your money goes, then see if you still feel poor.

For what it's worth, I earn twice as much now compared to ten years ago, and I feel poorer. Our mortgage is more expensive, we have two kids and no lodger, so that's why I expect. But I still do far better than my brother for example, who is completely screwed because the company employing him went bust, didn't pay him for two months and he can't get housing benefit to cover that period because according to the housing benefit people he should 'sue the company for the money' and so he's being evicted from his flat this week. Got a spare £800 to lend him?

Is it a case of no matter how much you have it will never reassure or make you feel financially safe ? A fear of going back to the lifestyle you once had?
I have say 42K left over is an awful lot of money ! And to be honest shame on you for not having savings as at that disposable income level you should.
Perhaps this would provide reassurance ?
Do you have full access to the family money ?

I feel terribly terribly sorry for you and your appalling circumstances, op

In fact I am weeping uncontrollably

If you grow up poor, it can give you an uncomfortable feeling regarding money, whatever your adult circumstances - guilt etc. Explore that op? And really consider if you are happy with how you choose to spend your money and if you need to make any changes. We grow up v poor and my brother and I have different issues surrounding it, e.g I feel guilty about money and he will not buy himself clothes. It's weird. Interesting discussion.

We're coining in just under 20k and don't feel poor. Life takes a bit more planning, exciting trips spread out a bit like today dh and ds are going swimming. There's an amazing theme pool about 40 miles away with waves and slides etc which is about £8 a head, then fuel and food as we'll be out the house longer. Great day out, something we do once or twice a year usually but compared with walking down the road and spending £3 in the local pool it's a spend we can't justify now. So we'll still go swimming, just not as extravagantly!

I hope this makes you "feel rich".

Our household income is less than half your disposable income. We are educated hard working people.

I don't "feel rich" but I'm a million times better off than some people and for that I am GRATEFUL. Maybe you should be a bit more Grateful for what you have instead of wanting to feel rich.