To not feel rich even though husband earns £250k a year

[whoovian]

I don't feel rich - I scarcely feel comfortable on this level of income.

Why is that - I grew up in a very poor family (not enough food at times type of poor) so I know what poverty feels like.

We are not extravagent spenders - we have one 1 week european holiday a year, no savings however we do have 4 children in private school(!) and live in London.

I feel unreasonable when I consider how little income others survive on but what do you think?

DOoin she'll have to pay tax on her 40K. Disposable income will be more in the region of 72K. £6000 a month!!!

It's the sort of amount I dream of....

Oh yes, of course tax. I forgot about while I was picking my jaw back up off the floor.

Easily done

Why would you even want or need to feel rich?

If you don't know where your money goes then you have bigger problems than your feelings.

You are rich. End of.

(I say that as a woman whose husband is a high earner, too.)

Amillionyears - I do worry that my children will feel that they have no option but to privately educate their children (and will be ruined by it).

Husband feels the way he does because all his family have gone to private schools in the past and he can not contemplate letting them down.

Mr Macawber said - 'Income 20 shillings, expenditure 20 shillings and sixpence, result misery. But income 20 shillings, expenditure 19 shillings and sixpence, result happiness'

I was thinking exactly the same.

It's not the income that makes people rich or poor but the outgoings in relation to income.

If your DH is on 250k, you are not rich enough to afford a big house in the centre of London, nor expensive private school.

Also question: why do you not work?
An extra income might be handy and provide enough for savings.

Yanbu- you are probably surrounded by friends/ colleagues also on that income so you don't feel significantly better off, although of course you are. Your expectations will be higher because of your friends but because the expectations are higher you won't necessarily be able to meet them. Your children, especially once they are teenagers will also have high financial expectations which you will endeavour to meet. I went to school with twins who were bought brand new matching mini coopers on their 17 th birthday! People on middle incomes wouldn't even consider these sorts of expenses but for those on your income it is more the norm.

OP there is a great section on MN under legal and money called credit crunch.
There are some great Money saving tips such as what is good to buy in poundland,a no spend day thread etc
I'm sure by maybe doing a bit of batch cooking,researching what benefits you could get and buying Xmas pressies during the year in the sales I'm convinced you could make that £42k stretch a little more.
If times are that tough there's always freecycle
HTH

(that will teach me to post something I left for ages before re-reading the thread)
I now realise you work.

YABU
You have an expensive lifestyle - you spend your money on things that are luxuries- the fact that your luxuries are school fees and nice food rather than holidays and flash cars is neither here nor there.
The concern you should have is what would happen if your husband lost his job - how quickly could you reduce your expenses without ending up in financial trouble - you need savings in case this happens

bbface, I was not suggesting money matters should not be discussed 'unless on the breadline', but that it is not a bad thing to be reminded that those of us who are NOT on it are fortunate. That was all. Glass half full/half empty kinda thing.

Looks like you're winning in the race to 1000 posts attacking you!

OP why did you have such a large family if you knew your husband wanted to privately educate them. You must have done the sums and thought it would be a stretch.

Husband feels the way he does because all his family have gone to private schools in the past and he can not contemplate letting them down.

I suspect that kind of thinking is driving your spending in many areas - DC must do/have x, y and Z so they fit in or so we don?t let them down.

Instead of thinking about longer term financial stability.

You need to have savings ? stuff happens- incomes can go down other expensive unexpected stuff can occur. It?s more important than Christmas and holidays.

Lueji the OP does work - handily, she earns £40k a year, working part-time. In her first job for 10 years after taking time off to have children.

OP is probably unrealistic to wish to feel oligarch-rich on such an income, but should be aware she is not in oligarch territory. And so should perhaps set her sights on feeling "comfortably well off" or perhaps even "wealthy" instead.

op you could move slightly outside london ( rent) - rent out your house and live in one five times the size in a still very highly desiable area - within communting distance of london and STILL send your children to private school, probably all soley funded by the rent from your london house ....

"If times are that tough there's always freecycle" - times dont have to be tough to freecyle - lots of very well off people freecyle....

Seems like a bit of a boast to me dressed up as a complaint about not feeling rich! Having said that everyone tends to live to their means so spend what they earn as has been said upstream. If you don't feel rich you could get a job yourself to supplement your husband's income?

What does 'feeling rich' feel like?

Erm, haven't read all of the thread but have to say initially I thought you were a troll. My family of 3 lives on approx. one-eighth of your income. My ex was privately-educated, I wasn't and at our Russell Group university we both got the same degree classification on the same course (and I got better A level results). For that reason I don't see the point of private education.

morebeta, you're hilarious, you really are

OP I can see where you are coming from. I would say that you ARE spending more than you can afford if you are to feel like you are getting somewhere as you don't have enough going into savings (including your DH's pension - 6k a year is simply NOT enough given his salary). School bills and food bills add up so quickly - I spend the same as you and we are only four.... One thought: have you considered Home Ed for the younger two? You could sort out general activities and hire tutors for some of the 11+ stuff out of the 30k you would be saving.

Can any of your DC aim at scholarships? Will any leave school soon?

BUT on the plus side, your DC's education is an investment in their whole futures and their lives so you know you are doing that for them. One thought only: move to Kent and the grammar schools. The commute into London might be longer than the current one but your DH could cut down his hours. I guess with 4 in school that might be too big an upheaval but you never know....

My dp and I both went to private ds local school and is happier and more rounded individual than either of us ever were at 18,

I have read before about people sending their children to private school, because they are afraid of letting their parents down.