To not feel rich even though husband earns £250k a year

[whoovian]

I don't feel rich - I scarcely feel comfortable on this level of income.

Why is that - I grew up in a very poor family (not enough food at times type of poor) so I know what poverty feels like.

We are not extravagent spenders - we have one 1 week european holiday a year, no savings however we do have 4 children in private school(!) and live in London.

I feel unreasonable when I consider how little income others survive on but what do you think?

I've been pondering this some more. OP, are your husband's earnings regarded as his, or both of yours? Because, if they're his, that's crap, but if they're both of yours then him committing £85K a year on school fees without your full agreement is even crapper, particularly as it seems to have left you with no pension or savings. You need to sit down with him and discuss this properly. And I would suggest you need to get back to work sooner rather than later. I think there's more going on here and you feeling not as rich as you should is just part of it.

bbface- it is really hugely offensive to see people in the top bracket of income bemoaning their lot when others are attending food banks to feed their dcs. We really are not all in this together.
It is right to 'bring down quickly and sharply' people whose lives are such a bubble that they have no concept of the realities others face- only a stone's throw away from their own lovely neighbourhoods.
In fact, I am amazed that this OP has got off so lightly, with people kindly offering tips and advice, given the repulsive nature of her OP

50% Of people in London earn less than £25000 a year (nationally the figure is £19,000)
Get OP to ask her cleaner, gardener, ironing person, delivery drivers, petrol station attendants how THEY cope.

OP doesn't have to live in London and doesn't have to send the DCs to private school.

My DH works in London but we live 40 mins away where there are excellent state primary schools, grammar schools and good comprehensive schools.

House prices are cheaper and the area is lovely with low crime.

DH's income is over £100k and we feel very very well off compared to the majority of people.

When I read some threads on here where people are struggling to pay for food and heating I feel guilty for having such a privileged life.

I can't understand how you can possibly feel poor on £250k per annum. It can only be poor financial management.

MrsMelons - no, I'm in the Midlands, but food isn't 3x as expensive in London than elsewhere. - I wasn't doing a 'competitive poverty' thing - as I said earlier, we consider ourselves to be comfortably off now, but £192 weekly grocery bill is a lot, and the OP asked what others spent, so I was replying to that specific question.

To those whose asked about me working. I do work (p/t).

I went back to work last year so this will be my first full year at work for about 10 years.

My income will be about £40k.

I think a lot of issues have been brought up quite rightly. I should feel more comfortable than I do. But I don't. I have some thinking to do.

Oh well,mo money mo problems as the notorious BIG proclaimed.

Thanks, OP. There I was feeling deprived this am, and now I see that I could be REALLY sorry for myself even if my dh earned 5 times as much!

Seriously, though - do your dcs need private school? Must you live in London?

morebeta it is absolute bollocks that people living in London HAVE to pay school fees. London comprehensives are now the best in the country.

arf at Bluefrogs quoting the late great Biggie Smalls on here!!

Sorry op my heart doesn't bleed for you.

You really should think how lucky you are.

Is that £40k on top of £250K? Or is your £40k part of the £250k? If so, you'll have disposable of c. £70k? After mortgage, school fees etc?

I think you know that you ABU and that you have some problems you need to address. I have found life coaching / meditation brilliant in the past. It doesn't cost very much and could change your life. Guided meditations on youtube and lectures about mindfulness are free.

I think you probably compare yourself to much richer people (richer mummies at the school gate?), which isn't helpful and won't make you happy. Either that or you're making all of this up to provoke people less fortunate than you, which is horrible.

You have plenty. As I said before, go away and write a list of 10 things you are grateful for and then get your priorities straight in your head and talk to your husband....

Just ditching school fees in London is really not an option

And the prize for the most twattish comment on mumsnet today goes to...

OP, do you resent paying for private school? Do you see it as a waste of money? Is that where your resentment comes from?

TBH I think we could probably get our food bill down as some months I don't plan our meals very well. If I earned £250k I would consider us to be loaded so I wouldn't need to and probably wouldn't bother!

At the end of the day having 4 children would be expensive regardless so I am a bit surprised the OP can't see this, we stopped at 2 as we knew we would struggle financially with more if we wished to maintain a similar life style, if we didn't then 4 would be fine of course!

I think the OP has got lots of useful advice on here and quite a lot to think about also!!!!

Oh no - do you earn £40k on top of the £250k????

Hold on, so your disposable income (i.e what is left) is a whopping £82k a year including your wage and you cannot manage on that?

What the fuck do you spend it all on??? Seriously? How can you not enough money with that much left over?

Yes YABU. You are LOADED.

Its amazing how people with such limited writing and comprehension skills can earn such high salaries.

No wonder this countrys still in recession!

i think the loss of child benefit might hit you hard

You do realise you are potentially setting your kids up for the same sort of "trapped" life dont you?

There is a question I would like to ask you in amongst all this.
If your husbands opinion didnt come into it all, how would you choose to spend or save the 250k?

You say you have two teenagers. They wont stay teenagers for too long.

And maybe the most important thing.
Cherie Blair says she grew up in poverty, and no matter how much money she has, she says she will never feel financially secure.

Whoovian - I think going from poverty to abundance is tricky, as I said earlier DH has struggled.

You been very level headed about this at times tricky thread

LesMis seriously, do people actually worry that much about their writing/comprehension on an internet forum?

No, I think they're more concerned with trolls, MrsMelons

Quite possibly!

I dont think it is rat like. I could be wrong
Unfortuneately, I think there are a sizeable number of very high earners, maybe especially the ones with a number of children, who do think and feel the same way.