To not feel rich even though husband earns £250k a year

[whoovian]

I don't feel rich - I scarcely feel comfortable on this level of income.

Why is that - I grew up in a very poor family (not enough food at times type of poor) so I know what poverty feels like.

We are not extravagent spenders - we have one 1 week european holiday a year, no savings however we do have 4 children in private school(!) and live in London.

I feel unreasonable when I consider how little income others survive on but what do you think?

This is not about being poor its about 'feeling' poor which is nothing to do with the figures and everything to do with how the OP sees herself and her place amongst her peers. You need to be grateful rather than stressed but that takes a certain mindset which in turn takes work. But is worth it for someone like you I am sure.

It does sound like you have some deep seated issues wrt money. That is your problem, not how much money you do or don't have.

YADBU.

I can totally see why the OP doesn't 'feel' rich.

OP has a high income and high outgoings. Luckily also has cash to not have to think about day to day spending decisions such as "can I buy x or y" but OP certainly doesn't have the kind of cash to be flying 1st class to a private island.

MN always comes out in force whenever anyone has the audacity to suggest they don't feel rich because they have high outgoings.

People spend what they have, and socialise with people in similar income brackets usually hence you never feel rich.

OP's husband is paying more tax in a year than many people ever pay, so no need to be so snipey.

I think husband should be putting way more into his pension. You should also have one.

Private school is a choice and because of that you won't feel rich until the ankle biters are off your hands and mortgage is paid off.

I don't think £10k on food is unreasonable. If I scaled my spend up to 6 adults it would probably hit that including washing powder and stuff.

A lot of people who are single or in couples and childless where you are earning £30 or £40k each are probably much better off than the OP. I can't be bothered to work it out exactly but per person after tax their income is not massive.

meal plan
spend less on christmas and birthdays
cut pension contributions by 50% until kids are out of school
charity shop clothing, free cycle, veg plot

You have committed to a educational investment that is non negotiable. You need to get your head around that and suck it up. It is hard feeling like you do not fit in, but linking it to £ and lifestyle is essentially shallow and not going to get you anywhere so try not to give it any head space.

I am surprised people are suggessting to cut down the pension - there is a lot else they could cut back on surely. In fact they don't actually NEED to cut back - it is the OPs insecurities that is the issue not the amount of money they actually have.

whois OPs husband is paying more in tax in a year than many people ever pay because he is earning more than a majority of people earn in a decade. And he just got a tax break by the way, while everybody else is having to face further cutbacks.

I keep trying to write a response. My dh earned slightly less than half of OPs dh. I don't earn a lot (2days a week voluntary sector plus my DLA).

But I can't write anything that doesn't sound smug to me. We are very comfortable, own a uk property for holidays but also holiday abroad every 2nd year.

We live in Scotland where our 4-bed property cost £167k and our other property remortgaged financed it. We let one out for holidays if we're not using it. Also dh works 4 days/1 night, I do 2 days school hours, for an educational charity. Our dc go to state school. They couldn't get the benefits at a private school (our dc go to bilingual school)

We feel rich, able to give a lot of time/money away.

I don't care if I "feel" rich. Do I have enough? Yes! Why else should I worry?

I don't have a lot o

If it helps, for comparison whoovian I have 2 adults, one constantly starving 16 yr old ds, and dds age 14 and 11, so only one preteen less than you, and our 'average' weekly shop is around £60 - £65 not the £192 you are spending. I do pay out for dinner money on top of that, but see that your dcs lunches aren't included in that either.

Times are tough op, a quarter of a mil goes nowhere these days.
I was just syaing as much to my butler

do you live in London Backforgood? I am not being funny, just asking as that seems so low?

Just our fruit costs about £25 a week as it is so bloody expensive and thats one thing I wouldn't scrimp on if possible. I shop in Asda monthly but do buy fruit in Tesco Express weekly so it is slightly more expensive but only a bit.

My friend lives in Guernsey and her food bill for just her and her 6 year old is more that mine for all 4 of us as it is so much more expensive there even so there can be a vast difference. Their cheapest shop is the co-op and normal shopping is M&S!

the short answer is you have too many children, too many school fees and too little income to fund it.

You can't have it all.

You either reduce the school fees
increase the salary (go back to work maybe)
or learn to live on the hardly paltry amount you have left.

I don't have any sympathy really, although I can see why you feel like that. You are probably surrounded by people with more money than you (and I had children at london private schools once too, so I know what it's like).

If my DH was bringing home £250k a year in our current situation I certainly would not spend my time complaining how poor I am!!

As it stands DH and I earn about £24k between us working full time...we are not skint but manage our money as best we can. Do you work? If not, why not? If you rely on another person to bring all of the money in and feel like you have little disposable cash but spend your days doing little to supplement your income, YABMassivelyU to complain that you are skint!

I grew up as a 'have not' and would pirouette through life for the chance to not worry about bills for one day but I don't have that luxury so suck it up and be grateful your children are not in that category.

I have 6 children, live in London and earn a lot less than the OP. I don't fund private school, and don't feel particularly poor.

the issue is the school fees. and your expectation of what is normal.

Comparing yourself to others, always leads to misery. Are you happy in your life and how you live it? Is that not all that matters??

You are well off compared to the vast majority of people, but desperately poor compared to Bill Gates or some Russion plutocrat .

Having said that, I do know what you mean. We have 2 highish incomes, probably a total of about half of yours, and will NOT be sending our 4 kids to private school because we do not want to 'feel poor'. Holidays abroad tend to be to the country of my origin where we see my family - and stay rent-free. DH has a penchant for expensive cars, but he has an expensive estate car, nothing flash.

I feel sorry for you. Seriously, I'm not being cynical.

I thank my lucky stars every day that I have a happy marriage to a wonderful, caring, kind man. My child is healthy and happy. My parents are around and I see the utter content in their eyes every day when they look at their grandchildren. That's what makes me 'comfortable'.

I don't give a flying fuck that we earn a huge amount less than you, we don't live in London (nor would we want to in a million years) and ds is thriving in state school. Maybe you should look at your life and get to the nitty gritty of why you feel unfulfilled scarcely comfortable. It's not the income.

If you choose to send 4 children to private school, then you must perceive a benefit to that. Ot why bother?

unless you are a millionaire, you will notice the hit in your pocket! You pay your money and take your choice.

The one thing you should not do is make your decision and then whine about it to those less fortunate than yourself without the luxury of that choice!

OP, I impressed by your very low (for London Mortgage).

You could cut down on food, but to live a "nice" lifestyle I can see why you would want to spend £5K on holidays.

It's all relative though. Our house hold income is a fraction of yours....but some would think we are are OK (we are on paper) some would think we are positively loaded...personally I find myself counting every last £1 and wondering why I feel so poor.

If your DH is still earning the same when the DC have finished education, you will be laughing. As my children are at state schools I will still feel poor.

Assuming this is a genuine thread, I suppose it all depends on your definition of 'rich': able to afford a house, 4 kids + private education, still go on holiday etc etc, or to be able to buy Ferraris and Haute Couture and fly by private jet to one of you houses in the Caribbean.

I think you ought to consider yourself rich, and I think you know that too .

I assume that this is someone's idea of a joke. In pretty poor taste considering that a lot of people really are counting the pennies.

However, if it is a genuine post, I suspect the OP doesn't feel 'rich' because I don't think that many people actually see themselves as rich. Whatever your income bracket, you will always know people on higher levels of income and see more and more things as essential and covet more and more expensive goods. It's human nature.

I think you mentioned somewhere that you went through the state education system and were not well off as a child. I think that you should have a good think about the fact that you appear to have lost touch with reality.

"We have less than 42k a year to live on and we pay our mortgage...

I think no matter how much money you have, you will always feel you don't have enough."

I can see the logic. Perhaps, OP, there are areas where you could cut down - have you considered switching utility suppliers ? Do you use 'cash back' schemes (eg Quidco or TopCashBack, or others, if buying online) or credit cards ? (You can get extra cash when switching if you go to a cash back site and then on to your chosen supplier - use a comparison site to find the best deal for you and then the cashback site so you get the money that would have been paid in commission.)

When you take a holiday in Europe, is it planned months in advance and not doing a lot of searching for ways to save (eg some of the deals like Groupon or similar offer) ?

Ditch the private schools and job done you will feel loaded(maybe)