To not feel rich even though husband earns £250k a year

[whoovian]

I don't feel rich - I scarcely feel comfortable on this level of income.

Why is that - I grew up in a very poor family (not enough food at times type of poor) so I know what poverty feels like.

We are not extravagent spenders - we have one 1 week european holiday a year, no savings however we do have 4 children in private school(!) and live in London.

I feel unreasonable when I consider how little income others survive on but what do you think?

rich people (i.e. those in the top 1% income bracket) should have the good sense not to bemoan the fact that their diamond shoes are too tight, just as someone with a corn shouldn't complain to a chemo victim about how much pain they're in.

But she's not moaning to poor people, so your analogy about corns can't chemo doesn't apply. Otherwise I'd agree with you.

OP is using a website designed for parents, and as she's a parent (but even if she weren't) she is not being insensitive by talking about how she feels on here. It's not like she's sitting outside the local food bank looking for someone to talk to about it. If she were, then you would have a point.

Facebook-I don't think it's the terrible DM woman. The op lived hand to mouth as a child. DM woman had a privileged upbringing. Having said that story matches in all other regards.

Given that you're not saving, I think some of those things are a bit unnecessary.

I would have a cheaper holiday, try to cut back by 2k or so on food, spend a quarter of what you are spending on Christmas/birthdays.... Having a large family just has to mean choosing cheaper options, because things mount up so much.

And I think you probably have an unrealistic idea about what being 'rich' means. It doesn't mean never having to think about money. Rich people have always complained about the cost of school fees, taxes etc and attempted to economise on certain things while paying out loads of money on others. Eg the bit in Jessica Mitford's memoir about them hugging their warm plates to try and keep warm in the unheated dining room while waiting for the servants to bring the food in....

Some people have little money because they are low earners for whatever reason. Some people have little money (or in your case feel they have little money) because they exercise certain spending choices. It is far, far harder to earn more than it is to spend less...

Assuming you have accumulated a lot material stuff through spending so much on gifts at christmas, what do you do with all the things that are no longer used?

Do you bin/give away or do you sell on?

Perhaps you should see if you can recoup some of the money you have invested in these items...

Thanks Sadaccountant - the 10k would be for supermarket shopping so includes cleaning stuff etc but it doesn't include school meals - they are in the school expenses figure.

Dededum is right that my husband works long hours in a stressful job and this does contribute to the lack comfortableness with the situation.

I suppose the thing is if you earn £250K you have to question why then should you buy Asda Smartprice and eat lentil stew five times a week.

On that sort of salary one would assume one would be looking forward to an Ocado delivery full of steak and lobster whilst lounging around dressed head to toe in Brora.

It takes a massive amount of money to be truly rich these days.

And if OP didn't have 4 kids she could easily be living the Brora-clad Ocado steak and lobster lifestyle. People with large families have always felt poor even when they're rich.

Nah. We would be MINTED on £250K. Wouldn't know what to do with it.

Ok, deep breath, but I think that what the OP is actually commenting on is how much flipping money do you have to earn to feel rich - if that's what you want - in this country (particularly London) these days? Its totally bloody ridiculous.

We (like many) earn a fraction of that but do live in London and have friends who earn much more and I've discussed with DH what our priorities are and basically we have decided to opt out of the greasy pole that is trying to keep up with your own expectations of how much you should have based on the hideously consumerist society that is London for the middle classes. Sure we probably could try and earn a similar salary - but it's a pact with the devil I'm not going to take. Really there is no end to it, it's shouting at you from every billboard and every well-groomed family with all the latest gadgets, cars etc on the other side of the street. It's vile and degrading to the human spirit - it makes me want to go and live up a mountain in Scotland, or Norway or somewhere.

If OP's kids go to an expensive private school they're going to have as much pressure on them as the parents to 'keep up' with friends on holidays, gadgets etc etc (would love to see them take a home made wooden model of an aeroplane made lovingly by your DH into school in show and tell after Xmas). If you live in an area like Northcote Road or Barnes or Hampstead and even if you could afford a house there, it wouldn't stop there because you'd need to have the nice car outside the house, the cleaner, the fancy blind thingys, the full width kitchen extension with bifolding doors etc etc etc. It's ENDLESS. And it's all a total massive CON!!! None of it will make you the slightest bit happier. The joy of being able to buy what you want in Waitrose will wear off and it'll become the same chore as shopping anywhere else. The grinding stress of wondering if you'll be in the red at the end of each month will be gone, but you'll find lots of other ways to be unhappy and resentful. If 'feeling rich' = 'feeling content and happy and secure' then OP doesn't feel that because London life isn't designed to give you that, it's designed to make you feel insecure, afraid and ever so slightly inadequate ALL THE TIME. That's capitalism for you - ain't it great?

I suggest you start a little veg plot in your back garden, runner beans are really easy to grow and pretty and taste good too. Sit out there sometimes and listen to the birds and watch the leaves in the breeze. Il faut cultiver son jardin.

Not read all replies, but although I think the OP needs a dose of perspective, I'm a bit fed up of all the unnecessary cattiness.

FWIW, I send my 1dc to a private school cos it provides enough hours of wraparound childcare and if I didn't have that I would need a nanny who would cost the same. Working full time in London is a massive drain on finances.

I am also considering not having any more children because of the expense of childcare and reduction in my earnings potential. Have no spare time or money as it is! Would like to see an improvement in my lifestyle as I earn more and this is unlikely to happen if I have another. If I do, I will be prepared to make the sacrifice.

It's about realistic expectations.

So the £4.95 for food per person per day, does not include lunch for kids during school time?!

So 5 days a week you only have to give them breakfast and dinner, and you still think thats not much considering you can bulk buy and cook for 6?

You should be able to get a full english and a big dinner out of that!

We spend about £150 a week and only four of us. Seems ok.

I suppose it really is that you need to earn more to feel rich in London with a big family (inc fees).

But Cloudsandtrees - some of the parents on here ARE worrying about how to find the money for school uniform for their DC's, or how to pay the gas bill - I am one of them.

So she isn't in an 'exclusive' group of people where nobody's income is less than £100k - this a website for parents. Some of whom will be trying to support their families on wages of less than £12k.

Bit odd to complain about feeling skint on an income of £250k to people with an income less than a tenth of that...

I have just two questions to ask. What job does your DH do and are there any jobs going?

Would someone please define poor and rich?

Having been raised in a council house by a mother who starved herself to feed us, I don't see the connection between that and being an ingrate.

Quite the opposite - we have very little, but we APPRECIATE it in the knowledge that so many are even worse off than we are :-/

"On that sort of salary one would assume one would be looking forward to an Ocado delivery full of steak and lobster whilst lounging around dressed head to toe in Brora."

Yes, if it weren't for school fees!

Sometimes I am glad to live in Paris without the school fee option!

Tbh, I've seen several things about some the very wealthiest people out there actually having reputations for being stingy bastards cough Paul McCartney cough. One of the reasons they have done so well, is because they know how to save and how to invest the money they have earnt in addition to having earnt it in the first place.

regarding the 2K on council tax - I've just checked and mine is nearly £1500 and it's a 3 bed semi. To hit 2K, I just have to move 2 council bands up... I imagine that'll be a house that's about say £500K or just slightly above, in my area, the SE of the country.

regarding the £10K shop, it sounds reasonable enough...

You probably need to factor yourself into all of this... where is your spending money?! (the occasional coffee/hairdressers etc???)

Sitting on my sofa under a blanket with the woodburner on so as not to waste the heating oil and I am looking at my sleeping baby beside me and I feel like a millionaire.