To not feel rich even though husband earns £250k a year

[whoovian]

I don't feel rich - I scarcely feel comfortable on this level of income.

Why is that - I grew up in a very poor family (not enough food at times type of poor) so I know what poverty feels like.

We are not extravagent spenders - we have one 1 week european holiday a year, no savings however we do have 4 children in private school(!) and live in London.

I feel unreasonable when I consider how little income others survive on but what do you think?

My family are terribly middle class but we spend about 20 quid per person MAX on presents (making my estimated yearly present spend a total of 400 quid a year). Because birthdays and xmas are about being with people you love not the monetary value of the presents.

I genuinely feel sad for anyone who gives a shit about how much the birthday presents they are buying cost (note cost not what they are worth which is in the eye of the receiver).

You know, this is why poor people hate rich people. They don't resent their wealth. They resent them not bloody well appreciating their good fortune

I know you said this with a smile so you probably aren't taking your own comment too seriously, but the same could be said of so many miserable people.

You are about to be made homeless? You should be grateful you still have your health.

Your child is dying? You should be glad you weren't infertile.

See how tasteless it is?

Ok
All your money is accounted for (£3k on Christmas???) and you don't have ££££ in the bank. But you are still loaded. Because you have £120,000 per year to spend, more or less. That is a fuckton of money. I spent around £500 on Christmas this year. I will have a little holiday with DS costing £500. I have no savings. I rent a house. I'm happy with my lot, and so should you be. You are rich you just choose to spend all your money on expensive shit rather than living more frugally and keeping £££ in the bank. No mystery.

I have not said ANYWHERE I do not feel privileged or that it is a struggle so I am not sure why you are bringing me into that comment and I can't imagine DH and I come anywhere close to being in the top 2% of earners like the OP is. I am under the 40% bracket and DH is very slightly over it.

All I was pointing out is that the OP probably needs to budget better or cut back if she is that bad with money.

You AREN'T skint on that income - you are just reassessing your priorities.

Your choice to send four children to private school (unnecessary expense but a choice you and your DH have made) is probably costing almost half your income.

It's a priorities issue - obviously Private school is a high priority for you. The side effect of which is that you don't have the same level of disposable income as other families with an income of £250k.

It's your choice to live in London, and it's your choice to pay for private school for four DC's.

The very fact that you HAVE those choices says that you are not skint in the slightest.

Feel happier with what you have - it's not like you are struggling to find money for your food shopping, or electricity bill, or worrying how you are going to afford the next lot of school uniform...

How to cut your expenditure OP

6k paid to husbands pension - rely on your state pension like the rest of us
2k council tax - downsize your house then
2.5k utilities - shop around online to see if you can get a better deal. Or stop leaving all the lights on, and tell the kids to unplug all their gadgets if they aren't using them.

10k food - stop eating out, shopping at waitrose, buying expense brands and items, make packed lunches
5k holiday - go back packing. Its character building. Your kids might learn something about the world too.
1.5 k insurance - sell some stuff so you have less to insure
1 k burglar alarm - see above
5k travel (car & public transport) - buy something smaller, more fuel efficient and doesn't have a status badge on the front.
2k childrens savings - I hope your kids will be paying their own way through uni rather than sponging off you then
3k birthdays/christmas - stop buying the kids the latest gadget and turning them into super brats.

Problem solved.

10k a year on food.

Aye carumba!

Do you have that caviare with gold flakes on it instead of cornflakes or summat?

one thing that jumps out from your last post which might explain why you're feeling like this, is the 6k for your husband's pension and 2k for the children - but what about you? What financial security is being provided for you from this substantial salary? Do you have a pension? I do feel that your husband shouldn't be so insistent on school fees (esp. primary) when you are not so bothered, at your cost.

clouds and trees I don't understand your analogy. Are you saying "rich people have problems too" because I'm sure they do, but money ain't one of them, and 90% of life's problems can be at least alleviated by throwing money in their general direction. Therefore, rich people (i.e. those in the top 1% income bracket) should have the good sense not to bemoan the fact that their diamond shoes are too tight, just as someone with a corn shouldn't complain to a chemo victim about how much pain they're in.

Why are people so nasty and snide on MN . There is a real pack mentality on this site sometimes. I understand that posting about massive salaries is a bit provocative but I don't think it warrants some of the replies on this thread.

OP has said she feels comfortable on £250 and knows it is a huge salary, what she is asking is why she doesn't feel rich she hasn't been boasting about owning islands or whatever.

Maybe, it's because she lives in a wealthy area and see other people seem richer. There are some spectacularly wealthy people about. not me

I can sort of understand not feeling rich if I didn't have any savings. I guess, once the OP's DC have grown up and her DH's bonuses (or whatever) start rolling in she will start to feel rich.

My philosophy on this type of thing is there is always someone poorer than you and there is always someone richer than you AND that you never actually know how much money people have.

Meh

I think if you're left with £42,000 net AFTER paying school fees and mortgage, then the root of this problem is psychological rather than financial, and probably based in your poverty-stricken childhood. I'd recommend counselling personally, and possibly a long chat with your DH about the merits of jointly made decisions (re private schooling) rather than you deferring to him all the time. Your insecurity may stem from the fact that is his income financing all this, and as such you've let him have the greater say in how it's spent. Thus relegating yourself to lesser partner status which is bound to make you feel that the money somehow isn't quite yours and could disappear at any time.

I am very interested to see if people think I am leading an extravagent lifestyle.

The school fees aside (which are a luxury for me but are deemed absolutely essential by my husband) I don't feel we throw money away.

Is 10k on food for a year for 6 people - 2 adults, 2 teenage boys and 2 preteens really extortionate? I can see that it is nowhere close poverty levels but is it really extreme?

seems a hell of lot to me - really!

YABU.

It works out £4.95 per person per day on food.

But since you have to factor in your buying power in bulk feeding six people that actually is even more than the £4.95 would initially suggest.

You've a lot of room to cut costs in that £4.95 a day.

Average (as in typical, rather than mathematical average) spend on food per week in the UK according to government research is £60 per week for a couple. So for 6 adults (let's count your DC as adults, as they can often eat as much), that would equate to £180 per week or £9360 per year, which isn't far off your £10,000 mark.

I was initially shocked at the 10k on food but actually when you think about it that's under £30 a day for what is basically 4 adults and two kids. Is that including lunches at school and work? It's probably not that bad, I spend about £8 a day overall on 4 of us budgeting quite tightly.

the food bill seems about right for 6 people esp as its practically 4 adults but I think its the fact that you have £5k spare for holidays and such like - some people could never dream of that which makes stuff like that extravagent.

We buy lots of 'cheap' variety food brands and spend £350-400 per month. We don't drink alcohol or buy posh food but we have 2 DCs that eat their body weight in fruit each day and we buy fresh meat etc which is fairly pricey compared to processed crap.

I don't think you sound like you throw money away but don't seem to have any concept of 'normal' living anymore!

10k on food is flipping loads. If we spent even half that much, we'd be up shit creek.

Shop around for basics like cleaning products, rice, pasta, bread etc. Bulk buy things that will last, especially when they are offer.

Use a greengrocers and a butchers and buy only what you will use.

Meal plan.

Clouds you have missed the point . Every time you want to moan you do need to remember you have your life, your family and your health. Surely that is reason enough not to moan about not the little things .

Whoovian - your family composition is very similar to mine - two teens, two pre-teens (3 are boys), and we spend about £10k per year on supermarket shopping. That is not just food but includes washing powder, toiletries etc. It also includes school dinners for two (state primary) and packed lunches for everyone else. No starbucks, no supermarket sandwiches, no caviar, smoked salmon, innocent smoothies etc. That is a sainsbury's or tesco shop buying special offers, and quite a lot of basics range items and cooking most meals from scratch. We eat well but I don't think it is excessive. No doubt I will get shot down....

Sounds about right RedToothbrush.

Laughing my tits off at this.

DP & I both work, have one DC (can't afford another )and survive on ONE TENTH of your income OP.

Trip trap...trip trap...trip trap ffs.

A slightly related point - her husband must be working long hours in a stressful environment to earn £250K. That could create a stressful environment for the OP not conducive to feeling 'comfortable'.

When we lived in London, we earnt over £100K a year, but were surrounded by people much, much richer. It was horrendous and bad for ones mental health.

Does the OP have good friends or are you just mixing with the private school mums? There might be your problem.

I don't think it's overly extravagant but it is comfortable and enjoyable to eat well, spend as you do, do private school for four children. All of which costs a fortune in London.