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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not feel rich even though husband earns £250k a year

759 replies

whoovian · 07/01/2013 09:34

I don't feel rich - I scarcely feel comfortable on this level of income.

Why is that - I grew up in a very poor family (not enough food at times type of poor) so I know what poverty feels like.

We are not extravagent spenders - we have one 1 week european holiday a year, no savings however we do have 4 children in private school(!) and live in London.

I feel unreasonable when I consider how little income others survive on but what do you think?

OP posts:
AThingInYourLife · 07/01/2013 12:58

"Do people really think this could be an interesting discussion?"

Yes.

And your comparison is not at all the same.

Maybe you should look a bit closer to home for "silly and dull".

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 07/01/2013 13:01

But I could earn £7 million and be crap with money and spend it all on first class flights and coke, but it doesn't mean that i wasn't rich to start with- and let's say rich, not comfortable, because the OP is rich. Her household income puts her in the top 0.01% of the population. She lives in a nice area. Her kids go to private school. She is rich. It's crass of her to even pretend otherwise.

Anyway, sorry I cyber-yelled at you. Peace.

sadaccountant · 07/01/2013 13:01

Mrs Melons - if I listed out everything from our spreadsheet it would not be dissimilar to yours - except scaled up in some respects as a family of 6. Why should you feel the need to apologise - you are reporting facts not bragging!

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 07/01/2013 13:03

You know, this is why poor people hate rich people. They don't resent their wealth. They resent them not bloody well appreciating their good fortune Grin

MrsMelons · 07/01/2013 13:06

sadaccountant I just wanted to apologise to ensure other posters who were being quite nasty understood I wasn't bragging - just stating facts! I am glad I was not the only one brave enough to go against the grain in this thread!

Thanks - Richman. You are right and its not that I was actually saying anything different to you - just not worded very well I guess.

£7m is a different league though!!

At the end of the day someone earning £30-40k could actually be rich in the fact they have loads of spare money if they were a single person with no mortgage whereas a family of 4 living on £30-40k would be significantly worse off.

spanky2 · 07/01/2013 13:06

You are showing off. I have no sympathy for you. In fact your moaning makes me sick. My ds1 's teacher died at the age of 34 and you are moaning makes about to not having enough money . You should be ashamed of yourself .

whatphididnext · 07/01/2013 13:06

MrsJay I always like your sensible comments.

If you try and keep up with the Joneses you will always feel 2nd best.

We have 2 children in private education and it is mind-numbingly expensive and everything is 'extra'. The school fees are just part of the cost, albeit the hefty part. For example, one school trip this year is costing £550 and both our DSs are going so £1,100

DH and I have chosen this education route mainly because one DS has SN's and his school is absolutely the right place for him. It works for our situation and the DSs needs to have them at the same school but we know it means huge sacrifices in terms of nice family holidays or posh cars.

I think OP's numbers are a red herring, she feels poor because the Joneses she lives next to are probably multi-millionaires and £250k gross is not in that league.

Arthurfowlersallotment · 07/01/2013 13:06

You're comparing yourself to people with more money than you. I suggest you count your fucking blessings.

spanky2 · 07/01/2013 13:07

My phone added extra words . She left behind a two year old dd.

ComposHat · 07/01/2013 13:08

This has to be a pisstake. No one could lack self awareness to that degree.

EastHollyDaleStreet · 07/01/2013 13:08

We could really cut back but I can understand how easy it is to not feel rich when your monet is tied up. I hope this was a typo Grin

Original poster
whoovian · 07/01/2013 13:08

So many completely valid points being made here.

I have broken down my budget further. (There are 6 of us - 2 adults 2 teens and 2 primary).

42k after tax and school expenses and mortgage

Then we make the following payments
6k paid to husbands pension
2k council tax
2.5k utilities
10k food
5k holiday
1.5 k insurance
1 k burglar alarm
5k travel (car & public transport)
2k childrens savings
3k birthdays/christmas

gives 38k with the rest 4k going on clothes, house maintenance, the odd evening out.

OP posts:
MrsKeithRichards · 07/01/2013 13:09

tralalalala it's fast CARS and loose women!

I can be loose for 250k

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 07/01/2013 13:09

I think OP's numbers are a red herring, she feels poor because the Joneses she lives next to are probably multi-millionaires and £250k gross is not in that league.

True, but the multi-millionaries are probably pissed because they're besties with Philip Green and feel like povs next to him. If you keep comparing, you're never going to be happy because there will always be someone better off than you. To be honest, if you dont lie awake at night worrying about money, you've little room for complaint.

nannyof3 · 07/01/2013 13:09

What the hell does he work as....

BackforGood · 07/01/2013 13:10

Thing being though - MrsMelons and SadAccountant - what people are flaberghasted at is the fact that you can't see that those amounts are just ridiculous to the vast majority - I dunno, maybe 98%? - of the population.

We consider ourselves to be very comfortably off, but don't hit the higher tax bracket. I'd never start saying we've "only" got enough to pay for this or that, because, at the end of the day, I know we are very comefortably off compared to where were were 10, and 15 years ago, and also, compared with a lot of other people on MN. It's just distasteful to come and say it's somehow a struggle when you are on good money.
I don't resent the fact that some people earn a lot more than us, but I do laugh when they come on a thread like this and try to somehow make out it's reasonable to have - was it £9K a year for holidays, £3K for Christmas presents and treats !!!!!! I mean, it's fine that they have it, but the insensitive part is to then not realise that it is incredibly privileged to have that kind of disposable income, and puts you into a tiny, tiny minority of families.
As for the OP having £42K net after housing costs, and saying she doesn't feel well off Shock. It's not the having it that's a problem, it's the "Oh dear, I only have it" that grates.

BackforGood · 07/01/2013 13:11

As ever, x-posted with dozens of posts Blush

3monkeys3 · 07/01/2013 13:11

I haven't read the whole thread. I understand how you feel op - my dh earns £100K and we often feel poor too (eg - huge panic on Saturday when we realised we were over the overdraft by over £300 and it was only 5th Jan). We have a 2 bedroom house and 3dc - it doesn't really match up! BUT we make a big effort to focus on what we do have - a lot more money than the vast majority of people for a start - but also the less material things like our gorgeous dc, our health, etc. And the fact of the matter is, when we realised we were over the overdraft we were able to shift things about to sort it out and will be able to manage for the rest of the month - we are very lucky to be able to do that. So YABU to moan when there are many, many others who are significantly worse off - try shifting your focus onto what you do have.

ICBINEG · 07/01/2013 13:11

sorry 3K for birthdays and christmas?

Do you KNOW that you can't buy love?

MrsKeithRichards · 07/01/2013 13:11

£10k on food??

whatphididnext · 07/01/2013 13:12

whoovian - where is you pension contribution in those numbers? Take some out of the children's savings and set up your own savings.

But I think this is mist likely just a piss-take posting. Am I wrong?

nannyof3 · 07/01/2013 13:12

Oh get over urself !!!!!!!!!

CloudsAndTrees · 07/01/2013 13:13

Spanky2, what a ridiculous post!

Is no one ever allowed to talk about any negative feeling they might have because someone they don't even know died at the age of 34? Get over yourself, seriously.

I hope the next time you complain about feeling ill, being skint, the fact that your child is being bullied, or you have any other reason to want to indulge in a bit of harmless moaning, you remind yourself that things could be worse, because you could be dead at 34 Hmm

I think everyone that is saying that the OP is insensitive is pure selfish. As has been pointed out earlier in the thread, there could be any number of reasons why OP is dissatisfied with life. As you should know, money does not equal happiness.

JammySplodger · 07/01/2013 13:13

I'm not even going to start replying to your budget whoovian.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 07/01/2013 13:15

OP I think you just have to accept that you cant afford 4 kids in private schools. Simple as. But then, who can these days? - that's why I've only got two of the cash-sucking little blighters? Unfortunately, this still doesn't mean you're not rich.

Also, when you say you don't have savings, you're overlooking the £8k into pension and children's savings accounts- not an insignificant amount I think you'll agree.