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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not feel rich even though husband earns £250k a year

759 replies

whoovian · 07/01/2013 09:34

I don't feel rich - I scarcely feel comfortable on this level of income.

Why is that - I grew up in a very poor family (not enough food at times type of poor) so I know what poverty feels like.

We are not extravagent spenders - we have one 1 week european holiday a year, no savings however we do have 4 children in private school(!) and live in London.

I feel unreasonable when I consider how little income others survive on but what do you think?

OP posts:
Adversecamber · 07/01/2013 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/01/2013 12:28

I think the point some of us are trying to get through to you OP is that you have a lot of money, its your spending choices that are the issue.

I choose to spend £2K pm on school fees. If I didn't spend that I would not be £2K a month better off. I have that £2K every month, its just that I choose to spend it on school fees - it is not an essential, it is in effect a luxury purchase.

kim147 · 07/01/2013 12:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sadaccountant · 07/01/2013 12:31

I have namechanged for this so I can be frank with numbers! I do understand where OP is coming from a little bit. I have 4 children (2 in private school) and live in London. Our income is significantly less than OPs.

I too don't feel rich, but I know we are compared to the vast majority. We do not go out much, don't spend much at all on clothes, no designer stuff.

To keep myself sane when my first child went to a private school I started to record all our outgoings in some detail. Ignoring mortgage and school fees last year we spent £59k. This includes holiday (not lavish) council tax, bills, insurance, food, after school club, petrol etc. I don't shop at Ocado, I don't have a nanny or similar, rarely use babysitters. It does include some music lessons/sports clubs which could be considered luxuries, but it certainly does not feel like a lavish lifestyle. This is somewhat more than OPs £42k which covers the same things (ie after mortgage/school fees).

Most of the people I know locally I suspect earn a lot more than our household income, and seem to live more of a "lifestyle" than we do. We do not save much money (apart from our meagre endowment and my husband's pension).

At the same time I know we are very fortunate - the school fees are our choice and they are the reason that we can't have a bigger house or better holidays.

OP I do see where you are coming from but like others have said the school fees are the key. Count your blessings - most people could not contemplate private school for one child let alone 4, and that is your choice.

Astley · 07/01/2013 12:32

Wow. I cannot imagine having that amount of money. But it won't just be the school fees. It'll be all the extras on top, the uniform the trips going to the birthday parties etc. all those things for 4 children will really add up.

Ditch the public schools and you'll feel a lot richer!

Lueji · 07/01/2013 12:32

I find it interesting that you have no savings.

Why is that?

Do you feel it's not necessary?
Or you spend it all?

You should set aside a given amount for savings, then budget accordingly.
Particularly if you spend all you have available.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/01/2013 12:33

Names for a posh Jammy Dodger a la the MN biscuit?

Preserve Evader
Conserve Swerver
Marmalade Sidestepper (thick cut please)

PearlyWhites · 07/01/2013 12:35

Of course Yabu and very insensitive as well

MrsMelons · 07/01/2013 12:37

Sorry missed one or two pages as it was so long so have just seen the OPs breakdown. Of course you should be comfortable and I haven't said that they shouldn't but £250k sounds like such a lot (and it is) but it can be spent pretty easily too.

I think you should manage on £42k however I have just checked my spreadsheet (sad I know) and we have the same left over after school fees but it does soon go - here's a rough breakdown;

£10k - Food/all bills
£9k - savings for holidays
£2k - Kids activities
£6k - savings to put away in ISAs
£7.5k - cars
£4k - left over to go out
£1k - cleaner
£3k - specific savings for stuff like birthdays/xmas/football season tickets

We could really cut back but I can understand how easy it is to not feel rich when your monet is tied up. There is NO WAY I would ever consider we are not comfortable at all - that is just ridiculous!

It does sound like you need help budgeting TBH!

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 07/01/2013 12:41

MrsMelons Please please tell me that is a joke. Please. If it's not, i think I might have to..........I really dont know what.

cuteboots · 07/01/2013 12:42

YABU and really insensitve banging on about where all your money goes when there are people struggling to feed their kids and just pay monthly bills! Meanwhile back in the real world!!!?? ; 0(

PurpleStorm · 07/01/2013 12:42

42k a year after mortgage and school fees are paid sounds like a lot to me (it's certainly more than DH & mine's take home pay before money for bills is deducted).

But, I suppose it's all relevant to who you're comparing yourself to. If you're surrounded by people who earn lots more than you and spend accordingly, you're bound to feel poorer than them, regardless of how wealthy you actually are. And I'm guessing that you come across a lot of well earning or wealthy families through your kid's school.

Perhaps you should try to compare yourself to families who earn less than you instead? That would make you feel richer.

cuteboots · 07/01/2013 12:43

Mrsmelons- Is this daily lunchtime wind up thread! Ive stopped eating my lunch so please tell me you are having a laugh?

1991all · 07/01/2013 12:44

Op-sorry you got such a hard time
You actually called yourself unreasonable, you know you are

On paper £250k should buy you a nanny and a cleaner and a couple of fancy holidays and a swish new car, but it doesn't. You are spending it

I would question the £85k for school fees though, that seems extortionate

MrsMelons · 07/01/2013 12:44

Which part Richman?

I have still said that the OP is being ridiculous.

AnyFucker · 07/01/2013 12:45

I can't even be arsed to scroll back and check if I was deleted

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 07/01/2013 12:45

Adversecamber, why yes, maybe I gave a very low-rent biscuit ... Grin

MrsMelons · 07/01/2013 12:46

Sorry - I am trying to explain where that money goes - should I give it away?

We earn a quarter of what the OP earns BTW!

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 07/01/2013 12:46

AnyFucker ,you were.

AnyFucker · 07/01/2013 12:48

Tut, I thought mine was one of the more helpful posts. Hmm

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 07/01/2013 12:49

Oh, I dunno- perhaps the way you say "it does soon go" as though you're about to list a tonne of necessities, and then go on to list a number of completely discretionary items. That's what being rich means!! It means you have £15k a year to spend on holidays, football tickets and going out. Not sure if you know this, but most people in the UK don't do that. Surprised? Jesus wept.

JammySplodger · 07/01/2013 12:50

I only do cheap biscuits so I don't know why mine's still there.

veryworried29 · 07/01/2013 12:51

Do people really think this could be an interesting discussion?

Its like an op coming on and saying "please help, I am 5 stone overweight and I eat 3,000 calories a day. I don't feel like I'm overeating but I suppose I must be".

Very silly and dull. And nothing to do with inverse snobbery. Everything to do with thinking op is being a bit dim.

MrsMelons · 07/01/2013 12:54

Sorry my post has not come across how I meant. I can understand how its been taken but if you knew me you would know I am not that sort of person at all. In fact it has taken an awful lot of heartache to get to our fortunate situation so you don;'always know what you are 'judging'

I am saying that there is no way the OP shouldn't be comfortable and SHOULD be able to save but I understand her feeling.

We choose to tie our money up so have little spare CASH. I am 100% happy with what we have and it would be insensitive and ridiculous to not be.

It does soon go if you spend it and some people are really crap with money so would easily spend £42k but the OP is being unreasonable to not feel comfortable. She said she does not FEEL rich, not that she isn't

I am genuinely sorry to upset anyway not my intention!

LettyAshton · 07/01/2013 12:57

I can sort of see where the OP is coming from, and we don't earn anywhere within world champion spitting distance of OP.

It's the mindset of feeling that you have to watch every penny, which is probably due to coming from a poor background. There are many tales of wealthy people who scrimp and save; I read somewhere that Steven Spielberg is incredibly parsimonious. I have the feeling that if I won the Euromillions I'd still be shopping in Primark and hurling myself on the reduced sticker items in Waitrose.

Furthermore it takes more and more money to "live the life". £250K might seem a huge amount of money but if you are trying to emulate the lifestyle of someone on the equivalent salary 50+ years ago with nice house on one income, private schools, household help etc then yes indeed it's not enough.