to ask why you 'defriend'

[2013go]

I know IABU and also a little pathetic, I'm not a teenager! And I KNOW that there are really real things in the world to worry about! Genuinely curious about this though... yes, it's facebook related (I know, cringe, sorry!)

The other day I noticed that a couple of people I really like have 'unfriended' me recently- I noticed because I was making some plans for the year and thought they may be interested in joining in a couple of them- they are both adventurous sorts. Not close friends, but good aquaintances. Both have kept mutual friends who they met in similar circumstances.

It hurt! Reminded me of playground days.

Background: I have had some really lonely times in life, eg when I stayed in Uni town and everyone moved away, and I can maybe seem fairly outwardly confident but inside feel socially quite awkward. Have had a shitty last year or so, inc. divorce, and been feeling a little lonely, esp on childless nights, so crappy old facebook has cheered me up a bit.

Anyway, so- they're not that into me, that's fine, their prerogative- but I am really curious about what I have done to deserve a full-on defriending! I have only ever defriended on the basis of racism, extreme benefit bashing and horrible sexist 'jokes'. If a fbook friend annoys me (eg posting all that kind of 'oooh some people really annoy me' kind of stuff) then I ignore it or hide them for a while

I don't think I post too much, too many pics or anything offensive. Sometimes a bit political, but friends share my general views and know that's how I think. Never text speak, ecards, rudeness, or stealth boasts. I do sometimes post 'funny'(to me) things the kids have said.

So, can I ask- why do you defriend? It's a bit... final! and if you defriend but keep mutual friends then that really is saying 'I don't like you' isn't it?!

I de friended loads of people, people from school I never had contact with, work people that in never have a proper conversation with. I have only kept family and actual friends.

nope. in my case it's more likely to be 'we were mates/ colleagues/desperados once, but now i don't know you well enough any more to want you to have access to all my personal bits and bobs'.
if you're not in contact with people it's a bit spooky to let them see photos of the kids etc, imo. i have a cull every so often, it's no reflection on how much i like the people, just how much i want them to know about me.

My rule of thumb is, if I met you randomly on the bus, would I actually want to stop for a chat. If not then you get culled (certain people excepted .... I'm looking at you MIL).
If it's someone I want to keep in touch with but get irritated by their FB posts, I just hide them.

I only de friend for the sames sorts of reasons as you: homophobia, jingoism and sexism.

Otherwise, i merely hide them. However, I recently stayed with a friend who had no idea how to use face book and was about to delete half of her 50 friends. We hid them instead and she was grateful as she was scared of meeting her irritating NCT lot in a park.

Maybe they just didn't feel any reason to keep you around?

I often have a deleting spree where anyone I've not really interacted with much lately goes. You can always re-request a friend later.

but if you just 'hide' doesn't that mean they can see all your stuff? blee.

I have defriended people who I thought were clogging up my news feed (eg with bloody FarmVille updates!!)

Or people who constantly whinged about things/people.

In all cases they haven't been close friends anyway, so from my point of view there was no reason not to.

My daughter defriends me on a regular basis. I think it's funny.

I suppose it depends on what people use FB for or if they're changing how they use it? I like to use FB for family stuff, I put photos, holiday snaps, silly things that may happen to us. I have defriended people if they have not interacted with me on it for a very long time, or ever!. I have nothing against the people, owned I don't feel hurt by them not like my every post! It feels odd to have people watching in but never engaging.

I defriend people because either a)I have no connection with them other than old job/school, etc, and am no longer interested in their updates, b)they clog up my news feed with pictures or jokes that I don't like or c)I don't want them to have access to my information for some reason.

I have no scruples about it at all. Nobody has an automatic right to my stuff!

I am very choosy about who I add/accept but have defriended for the following:

1. Obnoxious views
2. Txt Spk/atrocities of English
3. Being terminally boring/self-obsessed/attention seeking
4. Sending me relentless Farmville requests

I de-clutter.

Ex collegues as a rule

I don't defriend - I just customise my privacy settings if I don't want certain people seeing my photos etc or I hide them from my news feed. My cousins daughter who is an extremely precocious little twat defriended me (after finding me on fb) as I asked her once wtf she was on about when she posted something really idiotic. I found it hilarious that she defriended me and told my cousin so. Lol

Don't be concerned - I was a duck from 3 - 6!! Mum was mother duck, i was a duckling. Quacked. The works!! .
A kitten/puppy sounds much more endearing!

I deleted someone who kept using the 'r' word.

The only other person I deleted spent the 6 months leading up to the last general election going on and on about how great the Tories where, how Labour where so rubbish and we needed a change, then has spent nearly every day since the last 2 years complaining about her benefits being cut, by 'Cruel' George Osbourne and IDS. I am all for political debate but it just got too much.

I delete and tidy up my FB so it only has people on who I interract with a lot, along with a few old school friends that I like to keep up with.

Its nothing personal, its just that I really don't care if the child of someone I don't have much contact with has just painted a picture with their face or something.

I reckon I must have seriously pissed these people off, but can't think for the life of me how or why!
Defriending is so final! (I can't even bring myself to defriend people who post all those poster things with 'affirmations' on them) I'm going to have to see one of them at the school gates on my next day off, knowing she doesn't like me any more (sob!)

you are reading far to much into it. perhaps this is why people find you irritating?

Normally, someone really has to get on my nerves for me to defriend them - either spamming my timeline with crap, posting sexist/racist/disablist stuff or showing signs of using FB for intrusive purposes.

I'm also very strict about who I friend in the first place - generally not work colleagues or family members I'm not in regular contact with. Certainly no-one I don't know in real life.

At certain points, I have culled, but that's because I've been part of a group which was using FB to arrange stuff, which no longer exists, for whatever reason.

Aitch

I only have family and close friends on it as I have an abusive ex that tries to find stuff about me from Facebook. If I don't talk to someone regularly then I don't have them on fb. It's not anything to do with them, I just use fb in a different way.

"I reckon I must have seriously pissed these people off, but can't think for the life of me how or why!"

So basically you've ignored all the people on this thread who have said that they don't defriend people for any dramatic reason, and are just tidying up their friend lists? Why did you post this thread if you weren't going to listen to the different explanations you asked for?

For what it's worth, I do the same as those other people you've disregarded - I delete people if we don't interact for long periods of time, generally. I don't see the point of us having access to each other's personal stuff in that case. I can't think of anyone who has seriously pissed me off on my facebook group. There are people who are irritating, but who I don't want to offend, so I just hide them from my newsfeed.

I defriend if they are a bit miserable or too personal. Also some people post too often