to ask why you 'defriend'

[2013go]

I know IABU and also a little pathetic, I'm not a teenager! And I KNOW that there are really real things in the world to worry about! Genuinely curious about this though... yes, it's facebook related (I know, cringe, sorry!)

The other day I noticed that a couple of people I really like have 'unfriended' me recently- I noticed because I was making some plans for the year and thought they may be interested in joining in a couple of them- they are both adventurous sorts. Not close friends, but good aquaintances. Both have kept mutual friends who they met in similar circumstances.

It hurt! Reminded me of playground days.

Background: I have had some really lonely times in life, eg when I stayed in Uni town and everyone moved away, and I can maybe seem fairly outwardly confident but inside feel socially quite awkward. Have had a shitty last year or so, inc. divorce, and been feeling a little lonely, esp on childless nights, so crappy old facebook has cheered me up a bit.

Anyway, so- they're not that into me, that's fine, their prerogative- but I am really curious about what I have done to deserve a full-on defriending! I have only ever defriended on the basis of racism, extreme benefit bashing and horrible sexist 'jokes'. If a fbook friend annoys me (eg posting all that kind of 'oooh some people really annoy me' kind of stuff) then I ignore it or hide them for a while

I don't think I post too much, too many pics or anything offensive. Sometimes a bit political, but friends share my general views and know that's how I think. Never text speak, ecards, rudeness, or stealth boasts. I do sometimes post 'funny'(to me) things the kids have said.

So, can I ask- why do you defriend? It's a bit... final! and if you defriend but keep mutual friends then that really is saying 'I don't like you' isn't it?!

I don't unfriend anyone but I also hardly ever post updates. I have a few people on a setting where they cannot even see that though.

Reasons why I might hide someones status updates are:

Too frequent posting/ranting/self important & passive agressive statements/frequently posting statements that end in 'put this in your status if you...'/asking for prayers for silly things/claiming other peoples' grief as their own/going on about God/text speak/excessive showing off/having sickly conversations with their partner via facebook statuses...

Actually, I tell a lie. I had a FB friend once who commited many of the above and was also someone I had never met (met on a very small internet forum) so I deleted her. A few months later she asked to be friends again and I accepted - this time I realised I could hide the updates.

I think people use FB in different ways. One friend from where I used to live ten years ago only uses her facebook account to have contact with her two children who are at university. She has no other friends and you cannot even request to be her friend via facebook.

I do think there's an element of attention seeking. Especially if you defriend someone you know and see on a regular basis. I suspect they're crying out to be questioned. Someone did this to me a few months ago. We go to the same regular group meetings and some socials and regularly interacted on Facebook. One day she deleted me.
I haven't asked why.
I don't want to give her the satisfaction.
I'm sugar and spice every time we bump into each other though.
She posted a warning before her cull, so I've no doubt she wanted people to realise they'd been dumped!

Oh God,the ones who announce an upcoming cull...you do realise that you are supposed to message them to say 'hopefully that doesn't include me hun,you know I love ya'....and if they do leave you on there,you're supposed to be grateful.

Makes me hurl,that does

2013 actually I think I'm just an introvert and fb is not a forum for me! I know what you mean about the greater scheme of things, you are not likely to be thinking of this experience whilst doing a death bed review, it's just a glitch, it would have caught my attention too.

Sometimes people decide to remove themselves from Facebook : could this be what's happened?

I only defriend if someone starts regulary posting up annoying posts which

i think it's needy and weird to keep friends you're not friends with. [self-important]

Just because some people have a lot of FB friends it doesn't mean that they're not friends with them all! Yes some on my list are acquaintances, but I still like them and am still happy for them to see my photos. I have lots of mums from my DCs school on my friends list. Some I'm 'friends' with, others I would class as acquaintances, but I like keeping in contact with them all and I like hearing what they're all up to. I have lots of old schoolfriends from my primary school, who live 200 miles away from where I currently live. No, I'm not good friends with them all, but I like them all and I like seeing photos of their children and hearing about their lives.

I guess some of us just get on with lots of people and are happy to chat with others and also to see others' photos and statuses. As I said, I don't put anything hugely personal as my status, and it doesn't bother me who sees it.

I defriend ruthlessly.

• because they post too much
• because they post boring shit about their children/food they've made/dumps they've taken
• because they are racist/sexist/homophobic
• because I will never see them ever again so what's the point

People use fb in different ways. I prefer to keep it to people who I actually want to talk to on a regular basis. Some people have millions of friends, some of whom they never see or talk to.

It could also be, of course, if you're still friends with these people IRL, that they have deleted their FB? Is that a possibility?

I don't defriend, but I only have about 20 friends and ignore alot of friend requests. I did block one relatives feed from my home page as he started posting dodgy photos. I still love him though so wouldn't defriend him.
Suspect if I'd been less selective i would have defriended alot of people as I'm quite a private person

I think I've only ever de-friended three people, one violent nutter and two needy, emotional leeches after we relocated.

With the latter two, I just got pissed off with the constant "Awww, he looks so sweeeet in his new glasses, ur so lucky, me and DD would luv to come and visit" (he's six, stop calling him sweeeet, and DH said he'll put you on the first train home if you ever come here), or all the needy pay-me-attention posts, or unnecessary detail about their Eastenders drama lifestyles which I know I can do fuck all about from 200 miles away, especially as they never listened to anything I suggested even when I saw them daily.

I've ignored plenty of friend requests too from vague aquaintences I've met a couple of times but won't miss if I never see them again.

I've had to hide people I really like too for posts like "I saw this lovely flower today [photo, admitidly of a nice flower], we're so lucky God gave us all these beautiful things". I'd like to meet up again someday with them but I just have to hide them to stop myself posting something impulsive and probably rude back.

I don't 'get' the people that put photos on of everything they do during the day; their child as they get up, what they're having for breakfast, a squirrel they see on the walk to school, what they have for lunch, a photo of them trying a dress on in a changing room etc etc etc. How dull. And how do people find the time to take all these pics??

The other thing, OP is that they could have their own reasons which are nothing to do with you but personal to them.
For example, I lost my dd last year. I find it very hard to look at my cousin's dd or my SIL's dd on FB particularly if I'm not expecting to see them. And I know that one of my friends who struggled ttc, didn't use FB at all because she found other people's dc very hard to look at.
I haven't actually defriended my cousin or SIL because I like them but I do find it hard. If they weren't good friends I might have though.

I have defriend for reasons such as

• friended work colleagues and then decided I'd prefer not to for professionalism reasons
• people who make regular posts that frequently make me want to scream in annoyance such as having public arguments
• people who keep sending those annoying 'share this with 100 people or bad things will happen' posts'

chipmonkey so sorry.

Are you sure you have been deleted? A while ago I noticed I had been de-friended by somebody (we commented on a mutual friends status). Shortly after she sent me a friend request, saying she hoped she hadn't upset me, as she noticed we weren't friends anymore.
Neither of us had deleted each other, we just somehow weren't friends anymore...Facebook glitche?

Reasons to defriend:

• Massively different views eg. I don't want to know that you are attending a UKIP/BNP meet or that all foreigners need to fuck the fuck off Or just something annoying like claiming to be a vegetarian and then going on about how you had such a nice piece of salmon at X restaurant

• Constant game requests eg Farmvile and nothing else.

• Text speak

• Posting about what you are doing every hour

There will be more reasons but they're the top 4

I defriended a whole load of people last night purely for the reason that they haven't interacted with me at all.

My friend did point out that our school reunion may be awkward, but thems the breaks.

I tend not to defriend but I do add people to the 'restricted' group who can't see much. The only thing that tends to really irritate me is multiple requests to various inane games, odd sock is one that springs to mind as I have had several requests for that from a couple of "friends", i've now blocked the app.

I got sick of FB and deleted my account. The texts and abuse I got afterwards from certain people was bordering on funny.

Nasty texts, name calling, ignored in the street...oh and yes. I did tell them that it wasn't personal, I'd just had enough of FB, but that's not a good enough reason .

From that day on I haven't looked backed. People take FB way too seriously IMO.

*looked back.

I only really defriend people who I met once or twice (so never had any proper friendship with them), I thought our paths would cross on a more regular basis than they actually did, haven't seen them for a year or two, and probably wouldn't recognise them in the street.

Truth be told, I doubt they notice when I unfriend them!