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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you have eaten this dinner?

170 replies

SurroundedByBlue · 05/01/2013 11:08

Thursday P comes home with ingredients to cook dinner, including mince to make meatballs. He leaves it on the side in the kitchen and we forgot about it and ended up having chippy tea.

I didn't realise he hadn't put the mince in the fridge so it stayed there until the middle of the next morning when I noticed it and put it in the fridge.

5pm last night he decides to make his meatballs. Rolls them into balls and leaves them on ghe side for 4 hours whilst he went out for a drink. Cooks them about 9pm and serves them. Cutting into one it was very pink in the middle and I asked him if he thought they were cooked. He says yes, definitely cooked. Not wanting to offend him I say I prefer mine well done (as I was sure they weren't cooked properly but didn't want to labour the point) and pop them back on the griddle for a bit. He puts his back on to cook more and then reserves. I still didn't think they were cooked so pushed them around my plate and ate around them. He ate all his, and mine.

I was probably being a bit fussy but didn't want to risk it at 36 weeks pregnant.

He was up all night with diarreah and is in bed with a stomach ache today. I suggested that maybe the meatballs weren't cooked after all, or had gone off from being out off the fridge. He was unimpressed and took offended saying that I was critical and should have eaten them etc.

Led to a stupid argument about how I'm ungrateful that he'd cooked etc with me pointing out how much I actually do at home (the usual type argument people have, it will be forgotten about in no time) We are both over tired, him after being up with his stomach and me after being up alot with our young child.

But, I still don't think that the meat was ediable.

Would you have eaten them?

OP posts:
ebersneezer · 06/01/2013 09:33

Good luck OP

Feelingood · 06/01/2013 09:46

Jeez, I kept thinking why is this still comming up in threads I'm on at near top. I'm off to read the rest of thread. Jeez.

reastie · 06/01/2013 09:50

Wow OP I didn't see that turn of events coming when I read the original post! Good luck to you and your family. I hope you're OK

Feelingood · 06/01/2013 10:02

OP your are awesome for putting up with this manchild and being so brave.

I think you will find it easier to live without him, more harmonious and certainly less stressful.

Sounds like you have swapped your manchild for a lovely snuggled new born. Gosh I couldn't imagine having to live with an oaf like that.

I was an shocked at the washing machine 'allowance' .mgood for you OP, good for you. Sending you strength and stamina forth birth and a healthy delivery.

Kalisi · 06/01/2013 10:26

This thread has made my day!
Well done OP you have absolutely done the right thing. What an arse! Take control, keep the moral highground and stay strong.
You have probably inspired a few people today Thanks

kinkyfuckery · 06/01/2013 10:34

Wow, what a thread progression!

Have you spoken to him yet OP and told him it's over?

BagCat · 06/01/2013 11:25

Wow, awesome OP! The meatball that broke the camels back! Good for you and good luck - not that you'll need it with ball like you have shown in the last 24 hours Smile

SurroundedByBlue · 06/01/2013 11:29

I made it clear to him yesterday that it was over. Didn't want to drag things out and have him think he was just in the dog house over one incident but that it was his behaviour and attitude as a whole that I had had more than enough off. It's not like we hasn't talked about it before, every few months I would get fed up enough to tell him that he was treating me badly, things needed to change etc and he would placate me for a few days and then go straight back into his normal behaviour. He has never once thought that he was being selfish or unfair. He seems to think that man = doing whatever he pleases, woman = child care and housework. He had fair warning and I am long past the point of caring or letting him upset me.

Have spoken to him briefly this morning, he will be picking dc up this afternoon and taking him to his mums for a few hours so I can finish packing his stuff up. I've been meaning to declutter for ages. He could of course pack his own stuff but he would put it off as long as possible, forget things, make even more mess and use the opportunity of being here for a few hours to wear me down and I don't want to have to listen to it. Plus, I am looking forward to a few hours on my own! It's a rare event.

I have told him I will be contacting the CSA tomorrow which he's not impressed about as he has offered to just bring nappies round and give me money when I need it etc, but I don't want the complication and there is no way I will ask him for cash - I am giving him no reason to interfere in my life other than when it concerns dc. I would prefer a formal arrangement. He can see dc when he pleases which will probably be a Saturday or Sunday afternoon and 2/3 times during the week. I don't think he would let dc down as he does adore him (and thinks he is father of the year, he's not!) and his mum wouldn't allow it anyway as she thinks the world of him.

Got some phoning around to so tomorrow, informing of chances of circumstance etc luckily the house is rented and in my name only.

I think I've been out off meatballs for life though!

OP posts:
BigBoobiedBertha · 06/01/2013 11:59

Wow, who'd have thought a run of the mill 'Would you have eaten this?' thread, which are so common on MN, would have quite this outcome!

Obviously, this has been coming for a long while and is a about a lot more than some dodgy meatballs but I really admire your clean break. You are clearly one strong woman. If you are this upbeat about things and positive now then you have made the right decision. Just take care of yourself. You sound so happy and confident, I would hate for you to come down to earth with a bump. Whatever he has done, you have been together a while and have DC together so it is a massive thing to split up even if it is the only thing to do. Be kind to yourself and good luck with the new baby. Smile

Lueji · 06/01/2013 12:03

Well done, you. :)

The only thing I'd be cautious about is how often and when he sees the DC.

It is best to have an agreement so that he doesn't play you around.

And CAB count nights spent at each place for maintenance, so be wary of the times he actually has them.

Enjoy your single, happy life :)

Sarraburd · 06/01/2013 12:29

Goodness me, didn't see that coming but well done Blue - was idly flicking through as often pick up food tips on these threads, was just abo

SurroundedByBlue · 06/01/2013 12:29

Dc is to young to go for overnight stays at the moment (and ex wouldn't have him over night as it would interfere with precious drinking time) and ex couldn't cope with him - he's never done bedtime or got up in the night with him, and he is still a 2 hourly waker so wouldnt cope - and doesn't want to cope. He doesn't mind a couple of hours playing trains or taking him round to show him off for a couple of hours but any actual parenting is beyond him (luckily exes mum is more than competent with him)

I've mourned the relationship a long time ago. I've known it was dead in the water for months but there was always something in the way (birthdays, Christmas, pregnancy) and I kept putting off the inevitable because I wanted an easy life - before I realised that leaving him would be the easier life.

OP posts:
Sarraburd · 06/01/2013 12:33

Argh accidentally posted early!

Was just about to stop flicking through and post that I'd had terrible food poisoning from meatballs as a child and never forgotten it and then you posted about your revelation - well done, sounds like you will be much better off without him. Drinking the housekeeping, regularly peeing the bed - not what you want, especially with a new baby. Don't normally advocate LTB but well done, good luck and all the best.

Sarraburd · 06/01/2013 12:36

Definitely easier by the sounds of it, since he makes so much extra work. And also once the child support is sorted out you will be in control of the budget too. Good luck.

marriedinwhite · 06/01/2013 12:47

Did either of you check whether it was off before it went back in the fridge the first time and then again after it was left out for four hours again. The meat being a bit pink is irrelevant. Was it off because of poor storage?

Why have a "chippy" tea when you are 36 weeks pg?

SurroundedByBlue · 06/01/2013 13:10

Why not have a chippy tea?

OP posts:
littlefiendsusan · 06/01/2013 13:22

Inspirational thread! Go and have a chippy tea to celebrate Wink

Sarraburd · 06/01/2013 13:22

married you wouldn't be able to tell level of bacteria from sight/smell but at 36 weeks I'd say err on side of caution - and also
I'd advise you to read the rest of the thread!

And quite, why not have a chippy tea?! If rest of eating reasonably nutritious, odd night off, not to mention givIng self a break, is fine.

marriedinwhite · 06/01/2013 13:30

I can assure you I can tell whether meat is fit to eat or not. When there are fresh ingredients for a healthy meal, I wouldn't have a chippy tea. Also question if there is a healthy diet based on the attitude to food storage, knowledge about when something is properly cooked, etc.

Is the thread about something other than preppin meatballs, possibly with off meat and the ensuing row about it then?

FunnysInLaJardin · 06/01/2013 13:34

no no no. Not the fact they were pink, just that meat has spent so long out of the fridge. Yuck!

marriedinwhite · 06/01/2013 13:38

Woah. OK not just about meatballs. I tried to be polite OP and not say what sort of filthy git would cook with meat he'd left out all night and then some when he went down the pub. Have only gone up to this page - good luck and well done. And actually if he had been looking after you he'd have made a nice dinner on day one rather than you ending up down the chippy.

Sorry more going on than I realised.

FunnysInLaJardin · 06/01/2013 13:46

and now having RTT I would like to say congratulations OP for getting rid. Well done!

TWinklyLittleStar · 06/01/2013 15:27

Wow Blue! I did not see this coming. You sound so decisive and strong, I am incredibly impressed. Well done you.

Findingmyself · 06/01/2013 15:59

Marriedinwhite, what is wrong with a chippy tea at 36 weeks pregnant? The op has only mentioned having the one, not having it for 3 meals a day 7 days a week....

marriedinwhite · 06/01/2013 16:22

Chippy tea at 36 wks pg, well I had heartburn, constipation and gen bloatedness by then and the last thing I cd have faced would have been something from the chipshop. If there is good food that can be cooked then I think trhat shd have been soeted for the op. We're only talking mince here not boeuf wellington. And I bet the op hjad to go to the chippy too.