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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you have eaten this dinner?

170 replies

SurroundedByBlue · 05/01/2013 11:08

Thursday P comes home with ingredients to cook dinner, including mince to make meatballs. He leaves it on the side in the kitchen and we forgot about it and ended up having chippy tea.

I didn't realise he hadn't put the mince in the fridge so it stayed there until the middle of the next morning when I noticed it and put it in the fridge.

5pm last night he decides to make his meatballs. Rolls them into balls and leaves them on ghe side for 4 hours whilst he went out for a drink. Cooks them about 9pm and serves them. Cutting into one it was very pink in the middle and I asked him if he thought they were cooked. He says yes, definitely cooked. Not wanting to offend him I say I prefer mine well done (as I was sure they weren't cooked properly but didn't want to labour the point) and pop them back on the griddle for a bit. He puts his back on to cook more and then reserves. I still didn't think they were cooked so pushed them around my plate and ate around them. He ate all his, and mine.

I was probably being a bit fussy but didn't want to risk it at 36 weeks pregnant.

He was up all night with diarreah and is in bed with a stomach ache today. I suggested that maybe the meatballs weren't cooked after all, or had gone off from being out off the fridge. He was unimpressed and took offended saying that I was critical and should have eaten them etc.

Led to a stupid argument about how I'm ungrateful that he'd cooked etc with me pointing out how much I actually do at home (the usual type argument people have, it will be forgotten about in no time) We are both over tired, him after being up with his stomach and me after being up alot with our young child.

But, I still don't think that the meat was ediable.

Would you have eaten them?

OP posts:
TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 05/01/2013 16:32

No.

I can't believe he is defending his cooking when he is the one vomiting. Cause and effect mean nothing to him, then?

DeafLeopard · 05/01/2013 16:38

What handbagcrab saidm - all of it

DeafLeopard · 05/01/2013 16:38

*said

hattymattie · 05/01/2013 16:49

Overnight is dodgy but depends on the temperature of the kitchen - I think the extra 4 hours is definitely a step to far. I think if it had been cooked through immediately when you saw it it would have probably been OK. It should never have been refrigerated and then left out again and improperly cooked. Also I don't know about your DH but I bind my meatballs with egg - if he did this and didn't cook through I'm not surprised he's ill.

If he's like my DH, he knows it's his fault and is just too pig headed to admit it. Wink

Stinkyminkymoo · 05/01/2013 16:58

I would have if is left it overnight and a bit of the morning at my house as our house is quite cold this time of year.

I definitely wouldn't have eaten it after having been left on the side for 4 hours before cooking. Ick.

He's probably a bit sore knowing you're right and they hate it when you're right fact.

SurroundedByBlue · 05/01/2013 18:37

Thanks everyone.

Have done a lot of thinking today. Not all entirely meatball related but I think its symptomatic of a bigger problem. He wouldn't have cared if I'd gotten ill and it set me off wondering whether he actually cared about me at all. And I came to the conclusion that he doesn't. He shows me no respect, in any way what so ever. He talks down to me, he is selfish - he goes to the pub every night leaving me with small children to get to bed spending money that we don't have (I can only afford to do 3 loads of washing a week for a family of 5 whilst he has the money to get drunk every night) He never understands why I get annoyed that he has free time whilst I never have a break. He constantly tells me I'm lazy and the house isn't up to standard whilst not helping and making more mess.

I spent yesterday dragging wardrobes upstairs and lifting heavy boxes. I shouldn't be doing that at 36 weeks pregnant, I should be taking it easy. He thinks pregnacy is just an excuse to be lazy. He drives yet I carry the shopping home on the bus with the dc.

I'm not doing it anymore. I deserve so much more. He makes my life harder instead of easier. He's intolerant and rude and I don't enjoy being around him. New year, new start. I know I will have a newborn soon but doing it on my own will be easier than being critised constantly. He doesn't do anything child related anyway and hasn't ever once gotten up in the night.

All because he works and I don't according to him. Yet in another breath he says the government are paying me to clean the house and be up all night in child tax credits so its my job and I shouldn't expect any help with it etc.

So the upshot of meatball gate is that I've sent him with his stuff to his mothers. And I absolutely mean it too. He isn't even slightly bothered. All it means to him is that he can drink as much as he likes without being nagged at and not have to put up with me anymore. I am utterly relieved!

OP posts:
Grapesoda · 05/01/2013 18:52

Wow. Well done you. What next?

Bearfrills · 05/01/2013 18:54

Wow Blue, well done on making such a decision and following it through. You sound like it's been a long time coming though and I hope you'll be much happier without him, life is too short to spend it saddled to an ignorant arse.

Good luck for your soon-to-be new baby :)

rockinastocking · 05/01/2013 18:56

Wow!

Go you, OP!

Those meatballs might just have been the best meal you never ate!

HazeltheMcWitch · 05/01/2013 19:00

Blimey, Blue ! That is not the direction I thought this thread would go in!
If you're feeling relief now, that's a huge sign IMHO. LIke you said, you're doing it all now already... Well done you for taking such a decisive step for your family.

But I will be bossy and tell you not to move any more wardrobes nor heavy boxes yourself. Well, not for a few weeks, anyway!

Best wishes for everything that's to come!

BrianButterfield · 05/01/2013 19:00

Is this the first ever LTB where nobody even had to say it?

SurroundedByBlue · 05/01/2013 19:21

I haven't really thought of what's next. He can see the dc when he chooses, and whilst he is doing that I can catch up on some 'me' time, or nap with the newborn or do anything else I please for an afternoon. It has been a long time coming to be fair, this was just the straw that broke the camels back. I plan to look at courses in the summer, get myself back into work (I know it won't be easy, but its doable) and just enjoy getting up in the morning and not worry about what mood he is in and how I can try and head off the meltdown. It will be nice to sit and watch a programme I want to watch, or go to bed at night without simmering with resentment that he is out whilst I've struggled, wondering if he will be drunk enough to pee the bed or whether he will hopefully crash out on the sofa.

Any housework I do will be my own. No washing his clothes or scrubbing the kitchen after he's made a massive mess. I swear he does it on purpose. He will leave empty packets on the side, empty tins, veg peelings, fat from meat etc, things people would normally throw in the bin as they go but he doesn't bother as he knows i will be cleaning it up. If he gets a take away he will leave the carton on the floor next to the chair in the living room for me to pick up in the morning - he wouldn't do it at his mothers house. Or he will let his alarm go off for over an hour in the morning, waking me and the dc at 5am because he can't be bothered to get out of bed. I know its early and its not nice getting up but maybe if he went to bed at a normal time instead of needing a pint or 10 he would be less comatose and more likely to get up. He thinks its my responsibility to get him out of bed of a morning. It's not. He's just so disrespectful.

I know being a single parent is hard. I was one for 5 years before meeting him. But living with him is a damn site harder. I have no regrets, I should've kicked him out a long time ago.

OP posts:
Findingmyself · 05/01/2013 19:29

Wow, well done OP, it sounds like you are well rid of him!!

pictish · 05/01/2013 19:33

Woohoo!!!!

Ok - that's fippant...but I am tipping my hat to you Sir!
Well done.

RuleBritannia · 05/01/2013 19:35

What a lot of fuss about nothing. There was a time when we didn't have refrigerators and left meat out overnight (no central heating then either). I would have cooked and eaten it and frozen anything left over.

And no, I wasn't living in a brown paper bag.

pictish · 05/01/2013 19:37

I gave myself food poisoning from meatballs once - about 5 years ago.
Dh swore they weren't cooked in the middle and put his and ds's back on. I carried on eating mine.

Well it was an evening and night of hell for me...both ends exploding. So SO ill.

I don't think I could face meatballs for three years after that. Not nice at all.

RuleBritannia · 05/01/2013 19:38

Sorry I posted at 1935 about mince being left out without having seen that the OP had got rid. Well done, OP!

JustAHolyFool · 05/01/2013 19:42

Really Rule ? It would be a fuss about nothing if the OP's (now ex) partner hadn't proceeded to shit himself all day long.

Well done on getting rid of him OP, he sounds like a useless one.

StellaNova · 05/01/2013 19:50

Also, in the time when we didn't have refrigerators, we didn't have central heating so houses/ kitchens were a lot cooler especially at night. The house I grew up in had a larder rather than a fridge (we did get a fridge quite quickly though!), but the only heating was a gas fire in the front room and a gas heater in the bathroom.

I wouldn't have eaten the meatballs and I usually laugh in the face of sell by dates etc.

Bobyan · 05/01/2013 19:59

Great to read a thread when the op has the intelligence and the confidence to prioritise her and her dc's.
Why not send him a box of meatballs as a leaving present Grin

ProphetOfDoom · 05/01/2013 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InNeedOfBrandy · 05/01/2013 20:24

I wouldn't of.

And no mince does not need to ate within 24hrs of being bought. I say that as someone who has normally worked in a kitchen and do now.

devilsadvocaat · 05/01/2013 20:29

very surprised at the amount of people who think you can eat undercooked or raw mince! Shock
I love rare beef but would never eat undercooked mince.

InNeedOfBrandy · 05/01/2013 20:33

I know devil I meant to add that to my post to!

Mince is completely different to steak as it has more surface area. You can eat raw steak but you cannot eat raw mince. I work in a kitchen I know what I'm talking about.

AlistairSim · 05/01/2013 20:40

Well played, op!

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