Child went missing in 99p store

[PassionateaboutParenting]

My 2 year old son went missing in a 99p store on the High street in Leytonstone. I turned to pay for the items I bought and my son disappeared within those seconds.I called for my son and looked through the isles for him, my 6&4 year olds were with me. I asked the security guard to shut the door, he refused. Instead he told me that I should hold my child's hand.

The last thind I needed in my sheer panic at the thought of having lost my son was to be judged so harshly. None of the staff tried to assist me and just proceeded as usual, and it took another customer to search for my child and bring him to me.
People were awful either pretending not to notice or otherwise passing nasty remarks. I want to start a campaign to create a child safe scheme in my area. Has anyone else done this?
I have complained to the 99p store bit not sure if they will respond. Has anyone heard of the Code Adam in the USA?

A handy hint I learned from MN to avoid the 'I thought you had ds/No, I thought you had ds' confusion when there is more than one adult. Copy pilots and say, overtly, 'You have ds (or dd)' when you think the other adult is in charge of the kid, then wait until they have responded and acknowledged 'I have ds' before you assume the other adult really is taking care of

crosspost, samling! Glad you got your dd back OK.

:o we do that now too Edam!

Yup, we do that because my parents used to do it with us edam.
Forces family, you need to know who's in charge at any time.

I once 'found' a child, in an m&s, she was wandering around the shop by the loos, must've been about 5, she was crying and getting worked up but everyone was just ignoring her!!! So I stopped her and asked what was wrong and she said she couldn't find her mum or dad. I asked the staff to put an announcement out and they said that's not what the PA system was for!!!!!

Luckily the little girl had got a dog tag type thing on with her mums mobile number on! It transpires the Dad had taken the little girl to the loo but had made her go in to the ladies on her own!!

When my son was 3-4yrs old we were in H&M... he sometimes would refuse to hold my hand but he's so easily distracted I watch him like a hawk...

Didnt stop him not stepping on an esculator next to me - I was going down and he was still at the top... I am shouting at him to get on and he's shaking his head...

Nightmare as up esculator was round the corner so it ended next to the down starting so he'd have been out of sight if I went to it!!

Thankfully 2 teenagers appeared at the top and when he hit the floor and curled in a ball at being asked if he needed help (yeah ok I know he has ASD now) - she shouted to me that she would watch him... I RAN and was with him in less than a minute

Bloody scary and he wasn't even out of sight... Its so easy to become seperated. Thank God there are some helpful, decent people in the world.

DD was a serial escaper. It got to the point where the security guard in my local Sainsbury's would tail her for me and hand her back at the tills

She disappeared in the trafford centre trying to get closer to Engy Bengy (Can't remember the spelling for that) it's amazing how quickly a small child can get out of reach when there are many adult legs to dart through and it's so much harder for the adult to push through the crowds.

DS1 found a hole in our garden fence and went for a walk while I was trying to do some work from home and I thought he was safe in the garden. I ended up calling 999 and he was happily sat in the local newsagent where the bloke who'd found him had bought him a magazine. I was in bits, he was happily showing me stickers....

I have also found two children in the supermarket, I walked with them up and down aisles until I spotted the panicked mother. They were about 5 and 7, two girls. At least they'd had the sense to stick together!

This happened to me in a huge shopping centre the other day. I've never known a feeling like it, sheer & utter hopeless panic. My ds 5 ran out of the store & hid behind a pillar. It only takes a second op. people seem to have forgotten about Jamie Bulgar. God forbid.

A similar thing happened to me with a lift and my newborn ds1. I was pushing him in, paused and turned round to see if my friend was coming and must have let go as the bloody doors slammed shut! Was a weird glass lift in a cinema I have never seen before or since, only to get you up and down 2 open plan levels. A lady in the lift mouthed I've got him and I bolted up the escalators met them at the top. Will never forget that feeling of panic. Similarly I have only ever seen people being helpful in these situations.

We were at legoland last summer and a lady lost we 3 year old, and the whole place including other parents immediately took over (woman wa a hysterical) and a father found her behind some bushes. Noone was judgemental. The scariest one was when I was waiting for a train at London bridge in rush hour and a tiny toddler wandered past, just at the edge of the platform. I immediatley grabbed him and took him to the staff control bit further up the platform where they immediately took him and were about to do an announcement when the poor dad came running down the platform. Again, no one wa standing there thinking tsk that man must have let go of his kid ill just stand here and judge and let him fall in front of a train. Everyone was just relived he was ok.

Am astounded you faced this attitude op and even more at people like Fred who, surely, cannot have children or experienced toddlers yet.

We do that too edam - ever since a traumatic experience in York Railway Museum when we abruptly realised (dd2 was a few weeks old & in a sling) that we'd been terribly complacent with just ds & dd1, & that 3 is a Whole New Ball Game.

It's a horrible experience when you lose one. Dd1, aged 5, went AWOL in Leeds Ikea last year as dh was taking her & dd2 to the loo & I was arguing about something inconsequential with ds.

Ds & I proceeded to the food bit, still arguing, & assuming dh had both dds.

Nope. Dd1 had come out of the toilet to find me, whilst dh was still tidying up dd2, failed to see me - & I wasn't looking out for her, too absorbed in talking to ds - so decided she'd better run back to where she'd last seen me.

It took about 5 minutes for dh & I to realise she was missing, as I was getting food with ds with no idea that dh thought dd1 was with us, & dh & dd2 went to get a table, assuming she'd come out of the loo & found us.

By that time dd1 was wandering in a state of panic around the sofa section. The thing is with dd1, her version of panic is pretty contained, & of course there are kids everywhere, so she could easily have been ignored. Luckily, a kind couple spotted the way she was brimming with tears & took her back to staff at the entrance just as dh & I had realised she was with neither of us & were searching the restaurant & toilets.

Suddenly there was an announcement over the tannoy: 'Can Mrs Raven come to the front entrance to meet her dd, please?'

The staff explained that they try to avoid broadcasting 'lost child'...

The couple who'd found her (to whom I am everlastingly grateful!) had had no idea what to do, though - they suspected, correctly, that by taking her to the entrance of the huge store they were taking her further away from us, but didn't know what else to do.

We've since drilled into all 3dc that the thing to do is approach someone in staff uniform & say 'I'm lost!', & make damn sure we both know which dc are with each of us. Scary stuff.

DD is 13 months and this thread has me terrified

OP how horrible - I too would complain about the security guard, all the staff sound like they couldn't have given less of a shit.

I've been on both sides of it and it is terrifying. Once on a day at the beach I was going into the sea for a swim when a small toddler, no older than 2 I would say, was guddling about in the sand next to me while I was wrestling with a snorkel, there were loads of adults around us so didn't think anything of it. He fell into the surf face first and I only just managed to haul him up by his leg before a wave came that was big enough to take a small boy with it.
No one looked around which I thought was very odd. Then after asking around I realised he had wandered off - it took several minutes to find the group around his mum even though they weren't that far she would never have seen him. I can still see the absolute terror in her face, it was awful. What makes me most angry about that is there is a real possibility he could have drowned, no one looked down when he went over and it was pure luck I wasn't already in the water. Nobody was bothered - I assumed his parent was a close adult but still got to him but they assumed he was mine maybe but did nothing? It's something I'll never understand. Is your time so precious it's worth a dead baby? Really? I didn't have children then but absolutely shared in the heart stopping dread of it all.

I had never had a problem with wanderers until my second to last 'The Bolter' - it is her mission in life to disappear and she had the road sense of a dead badger. She was always on reins but realised how to get out of them one day. We found her at the edge of the big lake in the park trying to get down to stroke the swans - it was about a foot drop. It was the least likely time for her to run too as we were just handing out ice creams which she had been going on about for ages, the temptation was just too much though. Crowd of kids around me, crowd of people around the van meant that even though I knew she had got free within seconds that was all it took for her to be concealed in the forest of legs, I looked in the wrong direction first - it can come down to that much. It was a few hundred yards but she nearly plopped in.

I've also had really shitty treatment when taking disabled adults out. One trip to the Doctors, I was booking at the desk after seating him in the waiting room - when I got in he was gone. The number of people that ignored my pleas for help was staggering; everyone in the waiting room just kept their head down. He was a vulnerable adult that was not safe on his own and he could have come to serious harm - but nobody wanted to know. Literally ignored me and walked past on the street as I asked if they had seen him. He had been keen to go but was very distressed when I found him (not very far away a few minutes later) - not one person stopped to help him or ask if he was ok. I was comforting a sobbing and panicked young man and just got dirty looks. It turned out something had caught his eye in a shop window on the way and he wanted to go back and look and very quickly became lost and scared, he doesn't usually wander off. It's not a pedestrian town centre, he's very trusting and anything could have happened.
Of course you feel guilt and responsibility when and after it happens but that means shit if your charge is under a bus, drowned or wandering the streets for anyone to take advantage of. I can't understand people who could walk away from a disressed person or turn around and essentially say 'well I hope your dead/injured/missing kid will teach you to be more responsible - I've got important shit to do'. Sorry, end rant.

Glad all is well OP - it happens we've all been there in one way or another and do persue your complaint, at the very least it was appaling customer service and businesses don't like that do they, hurts the profits

I will never understand how people can act like that, it can happen to anyone, the truely ignorant dont understand that if they took time out of their oh so important lives, that day could be the day they save a life.

I lost DS once when he was 2, it was honestly the worst feeling I've ever had and I still feel horrible thinking back to it. We were at a caravan park and he'd managed to get himself out of our caravan and wandered into the neighbouring caravan. We couldn't find him for about 20 minutes - the longest 20 minutes of my life.

I've met a couple of lost children in shopping centres before and I always take them straight to a member of staff and ask them to put an announcement out. I've never been told no.

ThePigOfHappiness Fri 04-Jan-13 18:39:28

I lost dd1 (7) at the beach before. I picked up dd2 under my arm and ran, leaving buggy towels etc. not one person stopped to help or ask was I ok and when I finally found her, and we got back, loads of our stuff had been robbed. Hands down the worst day of my life.

Muddling the beach (five minute bus ride away) is the one place I know where my DD age 7 is. She loves the water and DS loves the sand, so as long as I am a little away from the sea and facing it I can see them both. It is far more relaxing than shops with her.

My son had butlins on a red alert when he went missing for over 30 minutes ( felt like weeks) we was only there for 10 minutes.

I think that it is entirely reasonable to expect the assistance of the security guard and store staff in this instance. Hadn't heard of Code Adam but it sounds like a really good idea to adopt here. Even though my 'little' boy is at University now - and hasn't held my hand when shopping for some years, I can still recall the gut churning panic of loosing him aged about three in a crowded public place - a large kids playground, and co-opting everyone I could to look for him, the difference there was that we were all parents so could identify with the sheer terror of temporarily loosing a child. He turned up at the top of the witches hat climbing frame, with a broad grin and a "look at me I can climb this high and hold on with just one hand" wave. I have never been so grateful for the kindness of strangers in my life.

The thought of James Bulger had my dd in a buggy until 4, she would refuse the reins and would bolt. She is now nearly 6 and stays close by me and nods my hand. Se has ASD so she hates strangers and loosing sight of me

Gosh whoputthedick I would in that situation told the mum he nearly drowned if you had not been there. Reading some of the accounts on here some parents have a don't care attitude

Really, Piglet? You would have told a mother who had a look of "absolute terror" on her face that her child had nearly drowned?

I think the thing that is reassuring here is that there are so many reports of compassionate people helping all the bolters. Most people are bloody nice when it comes to it

My mother has numerous tales of chasing me round the block when I was a toddler. Not only was I a bolter but until I was 4 I was extremely deaf so once I got away the only option was to chase me. I think the pram and reins got a very good work out whenever we went anywhere. Added to which I was very tall for my age so people probably looked askance when I behaved age-normal ...

That is awful! I'm glad your son is safe.

I was in a 99p store (presume same company) and saw somebody spray deodrent to see what it smelt like, was then told they'd have to pay for it, they refused and the police were called!

I refuse to shop in the 99p store now and go to poundland

Yes soup if she did not appear to careless. Rereading whoputthedickthesnowman, it was ther bystanders who did not bother not the mum who was clearly terrified. So no of course I would not soup . Sorry misread that post