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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a traditional sahm ??

865 replies

ProudMum4Eva · 02/01/2013 22:16

I personal have never been flamed for my choice in life, however I see many people who continuously get some sort of insult for their life choices. So here I thought I would share all for the first time.
I am 34 years old I got married at 18 straight from college. I am happily married with five wonderful children who I adore and do everything for. I have NEVER worked (outside the family home) my DH has always worked. He works traditional hours leaves about 8:10 mon-fri and is home for around 5:30. I do everything in the home cleaning, cooking, bathing the younger children, ironing and so on. I dote on my children and my husband. I love it they do not need to help me in the house I look after them and that is what I am good at.

OP posts:
dearcathyandclare · 02/01/2013 23:46

Feed your own brain and life even if you are SAHM. Learn the language of your future sunny clime and teach your children by example that you are more than the sum of your
parts.

HiggsBoson · 02/01/2013 23:47

I'm not sure what your point is though OP. Is it to make people who have to work feel bad? There seems to be an element of smuggery there, for sure.

Whilst I could never be a kept woman I do envy those who don't have to worry about bringing money into the household Envy

WorraLiberty · 02/01/2013 23:49

It's not strange at all OP

It's a very poignant way of pointing out that no-one in this life is indispensable.

When you die, life goes on...that's why passing on life skills and teaching people to be independent is so important.

I remember being a kid and my Aunts going into hospital. Their Husbands were so totally useless that various women in the family had to rally round to feed them and their children.

Original poster
ProudMum4Eva · 02/01/2013 23:50

catgirl

Eva was my first DD yes however she was very poorly at birth and sadly we lost her at 3 weeks old.
I always use her name on email names and stuff just habit I guess.

:)

OP posts:
HoHoHoNoYouDont · 02/01/2013 23:51

Even if I had money I couldn't stay home all day, I'd have to volunteer or something. Shopping and lunching would become monotonous eventually. It would be like the Real Housewives of NY/Orange County/Beverley Hills. Ooh I love bitching at those programes Grin

MatureUniStudent · 02/01/2013 23:51

Darn - shows how little I know - I thought it was a play on words - as in "ever".

WorraLiberty · 02/01/2013 23:51

Oh I'm sorry to hear that OP

I assumed 'Eva' for text speak for 'Ever', otherwise I thought it would be ProudMumofEva if that makes sense?

StuntGirl · 02/01/2013 23:52

Catgirl Grin

Original poster
ProudMum4Eva · 02/01/2013 23:52

HiggsBoson

Not at all. I am sorry if that is how you saw it. I totally respect working mums. I was just talking about myself and looking for other family ways. no disrespect meant to anyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
ProudMum4Eva · 02/01/2013 23:55

I am actually feeling bad now. I did not want to offend anyone. :(

Do you have to ask to get threads deleted or do they go of in time? I do not want any other working mums to be offended.

OP posts:
HoHoHoNoYouDont · 02/01/2013 23:56

Don't worry about it, it takes a lot more than that to upset this nest of vipers Grin

WorraLiberty · 02/01/2013 23:57

Don't worry about it OP

Anyone happy with their choice won't be offended

Anyone unhappy with their circumstance will understand that no everyone's life is the same.

catgirl1976geesealaying · 02/01/2013 23:58

Yes. I assumed you meant "ever" too and was trying to have a little fun with your text speak. I apologise.

judefawley · 03/01/2013 00:00

I don't understand the point of threads like this, especially when posted in AIBU.

Seems like the intention is to be inflammatory.

Great if you're happy to be a SAHM and have never had a career. But, really, you haven't made any useful observations on your lifestyle choice that might provoke a considered debate, so why bother sharing?

peaceandlovebunny · 03/01/2013 00:02

amazing, op. you win. my daughter's grown up, my husband's flown the nest (well, i kicked him out as soon as the opportunity arose) and i have to go to work. your lifestyle definitely has the edge...do you have a nice big house and a 4x4?

NotMostPeople · 03/01/2013 00:05

I am a Sahm mt dc's tidy up after themselves, help with mealtimes and do one household job per week ie. hoovering. My DH would kill to work the hours yours does, if he's home at 7.30 pm we consider this early and there are many weeks when he's away all week. That said when he is home he does all the cooking (by choice) and pitches in with the housework. If we assume that I'm working in the home while he is working away from the home it is only fair that we both take on the jobs that need to be done once he is home. Otherwise I'd be working more hours than him. We have never discussed this its just what a fair minded person who assumes we are equal does.

I would feel downtrodden and like a second class citizen if I lived like you describe.

Avuncular · 03/01/2013 00:05

Excellent model - there are financial choices to be made though.

And I agree with others that the DCs need to learn about dust, washing, cooking, DIY etc as essential life skills. Though I think my parents made sure that school and studies had a high priority during the critical years.

As my DW got into her 40s though I began to encourage her into suitable training partly to help with the 'tapering' off as fledglings flee the nest, and to enable her to explore new potential (plus to help the exchequer with holidays etc).

So maybe you need to think about that for later on ...

Arisbottle · 03/01/2013 00:18

I am happy that you have been able to make that choice and a little envious if I am being honest

Sleepingbunnies · 03/01/2013 00:18

Biting my tounge because I just can't be nice ....

LuluMai · 03/01/2013 03:58

In some ways you sound like you have it quite easy... time to potter about, go shopping, go to the gym, meet friends, no work pressure, no commute? I'm a single parent (full time, no weekends off) who works full time so I have all the housework to do myself like you, but to fit around full time work and baring the financial responsibility and bread winning status too. But then I think about it and I really couldn't lead your life. Fair play though, whatever makes you happy.

NeedlesCuties · 03/01/2013 06:22

OP, you seem a bit naive to the ways of MN AIBU section.

However, you are far from being the only SAHM here.

I gave up work when my PFB was born, now have 2 children and only intend to return to work part-time when the youngest starts school (if at all).

Taking pride in your role as a woman in the house is a great thing, as is having a responsible DH who takes on the ££ earnings.

Theres dozens of websites and blogs by women who enjoy being SAHMs, some are interesting.

InNeedOfBrandy · 03/01/2013 07:37

How can you all afford to live with your dh doing a traditional job that finishes at half 5 and no weekends?

I couldn't stay at home and depend on a man. I don't think never working your whole life is a good thing, I think it's really sad you'll never feel independence. You won't btw ever feel independent living off someone else's money picking up their dirty pants for a roof over your head.

But anyway I hope your life plan pans out Smile

grobagsforever · 03/01/2013 08:11

Good luck op. Personally I think you're nuts to have no financial independence at all. Or qualifications with which to acquire some should the shit hit the fan.

NeedlesCuties · 03/01/2013 08:20

InNeed sadly my DH works longer hours, including some of the weekend. That's not just cuz he needs to support myself and the DCs, it's just the nature of his work.

I also don't think never working ever ever is a good thing, but each to their own!

Doingakatereddy · 03/01/2013 08:23

Can't we all just accept that we're different & get on with it?