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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a traditional sahm ??

865 replies

ProudMum4Eva · 02/01/2013 22:16

I personal have never been flamed for my choice in life, however I see many people who continuously get some sort of insult for their life choices. So here I thought I would share all for the first time.
I am 34 years old I got married at 18 straight from college. I am happily married with five wonderful children who I adore and do everything for. I have NEVER worked (outside the family home) my DH has always worked. He works traditional hours leaves about 8:10 mon-fri and is home for around 5:30. I do everything in the home cleaning, cooking, bathing the younger children, ironing and so on. I dote on my children and my husband. I love it they do not need to help me in the house I look after them and that is what I am good at.

OP posts:

kim147 · 05/01/2013 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

anotheryearolder · 05/01/2013 21:37

I have read the thread and am not sure why you feel the need to satirise regarding other threads- how is it helpful?
Most WOHM are honest about their working lives and the way in which they balance this with caring for their DC.
Its not all roses but many of us do jobs that we love and consider carefully the options regarding childcare and work.
I think we all know that "Day Orphanages" is a common phrase used by SAHM to have a go at anyone who uses a nursery.

Arisbottle · 05/01/2013 21:37

No Janey, I am doing more than. 60 hours in an ordinary little job!

Clearly got something very wrong.

janey68 · 05/01/2013 21:37

Yes, the OP must be soooo proud of her achievement ...

HannahsSister40 · 05/01/2013 21:40

anotheryearolder, read scottishmummys post re. Day orphanages. Was in joke from other similar threads. I think scottishmummy might have penned the phrase. Not me.
Satire.
Sarcasm.
Sigh.

HannahsSister40 · 05/01/2013 21:41

And no, it is NOT common for sahm's to refer to day nurseries as day orphanages. Not common at all.
Got that?
Good.

chandellina · 05/01/2013 21:42

I wish more women would aim to be high fliers and not choose lower paying jobs with more flexibility. Then maybe we'd actually end up on par with men financially and society would have to make real changes around work-family balance. As long as men have cheap labour at hand to raise the kids, we're screwed.

anotheryearolder · 05/01/2013 21:42

Ok - so it was SM I have seen other posters referring to it on other threads .

kim147 · 05/01/2013 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Arisbottle · 05/01/2013 21:44

Chandella I actually don't see myself as a failure, I earn almost twice the average wage ( if that is how you judge success) and I have a job that may be demanding but is more rewarding than anything else I have done.

sunshine401 · 05/01/2013 21:44

Ha it is not actually the OP that is the issue though. It seems to be nasty people with their one-sided views who think they are right all the time. It is the people like that which are doing the fighting. I think the op was genuine and just new and has been scared of by people's nasty replies to her way of live and her motives of writing a thread in the first place. (Like always)

chandellina · 05/01/2013 21:45

Many people meaning mainly women who have options vis a vis a higher - paid spouse.

HandbagCrab · 05/01/2013 21:46

This thread was always about the professional, life long sahm. Not the mum that has taken a few years off to look after pre school dc, or the mum who earned a fortune before retiring to have dc.

janey68 · 05/01/2013 21:47

Oh come on sunshine, you're being far too charitable!

What SAHM of 5 school age children suddenly writes her first ever mumsnet post on AIBU just to Give a self congratulatory account of her day....

chandellina · 05/01/2013 21:47

Arisbottle, certainly not suggesting anyone is a failure for not making a mint. Just that girls are guided to child friendly occupations or told they must suffer the consequences. We need a broader shift in society to improve the balance for everyone.

Viviennemary · 05/01/2013 21:49

A lot of women don't want to be high fliers. And a lot of men don't want to be high fliers either. As it often means long hours travel and time away from their families. I think we have to accept that different people make different choices.

The only caution I would have with the SAHM and I don't mean a few years out of the work place, but women who decide to make the home their job is that do they realise they don't have a pension in their own right. They will get accreditations for the years they are at home but it won't be a full state pension. Private or state and will be forever dependent on their husbands. I know somebody who was a traditional stay at home mother. She is now very lonely indeed. Her husband and children have all left.

janey68 · 05/01/2013 21:49

Arisbottle- I have enormous respect for teachers. I have one secondary age and one primary child and i am in awe of their teachers. It's one of the most valuable Careers there is.

HandbagCrab · 05/01/2013 21:49

Although I am one of the little people so what do I know

sunshine401 · 05/01/2013 21:49

janey68

I believed her. And even if she was not it still was not her being nasty about anyone else. All I have seen from her posts is polite and harmless. So she can not be blamed for any of the nasty fighting really.

HannahsSister40 · 05/01/2013 21:50

channdelina, the problem might be this:
we carry them in our uterus for 9 months, birth them, breast feed them and more often than not, it is us women who take Maternity leave.

And then at the end of Maternity leave might decide that we would rather continue being at home with baby.

Things might change when men give birth and start taking 6-12 months maternity leave.

chandellina · 05/01/2013 21:52

My point is that women will never have true choice in staying at home or not until our economic power is the same as men's. On average obviously.

Arisbottle · 05/01/2013 21:52

I think that is changing, although at work I tend to hear more girls than boys who want to go into teaching. I also noticd that it tends to be more middle ability boys that want to go into teaching whereas that level of girl wants to be a primary teacher and the brighter ones want to be seconday teachers. The girls tend to be more conservative in their ambition. Not always but there is a trend. Although of course they may be more likely to share their ambitions with me if they want to follow my career path.

I have two daughters and they Wouod certainly never be teachers and have more gender neutral aspirations. One wants to be a surgeon and the other wants to do something environmental.

anotheryearolder · 05/01/2013 21:53

I couldnt agree more chandella although it has served both DH and I well to go for "child friendly occupations"
Until both partners feel responsible equally for the care of children then we are back to women sacrificing good careers because they have very little choice.
disclaimer I am aware there will always be those who choose to be SAHM but many of my friends felt they had little choice.

janey68 · 05/01/2013 21:53

Vivienne you make a very good point about men. I can't see the value of one parent being around 24/7 if the price of that is the other parent working stupid hours and never being around or being too exhausted to enjoy family life. It's hardly fair to the working parent (usually the dad) and more importantly it's not fair to the children, who need Both parents to have the emotional energy to enjoy parenting

Arisbottle · 05/01/2013 21:55

I used to want to be a high flier, my earnings never used to be about 1/4 of DHS but I hAve four children of my own and therefore have had four sets of maternity leave , that has to affect your career. It also became impossible to have both of us having full in careers, it took us three children to spot that! So one of us took a step back, as I was by then earning about half of DH it made sense for the person to take the step back to be me .

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