To be a traditional sahm ??

[ProudMum4Eva]

I personal have never been flamed for my choice in life, however I see many people who continuously get some sort of insult for their life choices. So here I thought I would share all for the first time.
I am 34 years old I got married at 18 straight from college. I am happily married with five wonderful children who I adore and do everything for. I have NEVER worked (outside the family home) my DH has always worked. He works traditional hours leaves about 8:10 mon-fri and is home for around 5:30. I do everything in the home cleaning, cooking, bathing the younger children, ironing and so on. I dote on my children and my husband. I love it they do not need to help me in the house I look after them and that is what I am good at.

I have a PhD from Oxford

Really? And a BSc from Cambridge no doubt.

Every time I see one of these threads I'm tempted to start a 'AIBU to have a well paid and interesting job that is more fun than looking after children' but then I can't be arsed because clearly I'm not.

'Any fool can get married and have kids, it's hardly and achievement.'

You can say that about marriage, having kids - and being a skydiver/singer/scientist/marathon runner for that matter. All these may be easy things to do on some level - but not necessarily easy to do well.

Why do you feel the need to denigrate those who make certain life choices?

It's not denigrating choices, bunny, it's a complete failure to comprehend how anyone could define their entire lives around being only a wife and mother. I didn't say I'm actually good at any of those things I listed. I'm quite bad at some of them!! My point is that I like to think I'm a well-rounded person, and have a range of interests and achievements. It's more about wanting the OP to see herself as more. I'm sure she is more, I'm sure she could be more. Human beings are capable of awesome things. I don't want to put the OP down, I want her to lift herself up.

But I suppose that's not something anyone can do but the OP herself.

If people can afford to stay at home and look after children for a few years and that's what they want to do then fine. But to say it is a career is just total nonsense. It's a short term thing. I don't think it is an entirely good role model for girls in the home to see that their mother has never done anything but look after children and mind the house. That is my opinion.

I'm just waiting for the aibu "to raise my daughters to be sahms"

I find it hard to understand the posters here who feel they must be sahm to help their children navigate an (allegedly) increasingly competitive environment for education and work yet have themselves opted out of any achievement outside the home.

Yes it is rather contradictory isn't it!

I am a SAHM at the moment. Its fine but it doesnt sit easily with me. I do lots of stuff, mainly sports based. But I would still do that if I had a job. I'm interesting. I hate not earning my own money, I hate that my pension is a pathetic predicted £500 per annum.

Are there many posters suggesting being a SAHM forever?

You want the op to 'lift herself up' ??
What a load of patronising tosh!
Because we can only be complete human beings if we work?
Do we all rot in retirement then?
These threads are so predictable. They always always descend into sahm bashing. Always.
And as for those of you berating the op for starting a bunfight!!
She didn't tie you down and force you to write silly, patronising insults about sahm's. You did that all on your own.

only the OP I think.

alot of conflicted/troubled/resentful wohm's on this thread. As ever.

I think that the OP was suggesting being a sahm and then being a stay at home wife, so no job ever. I don't criticise her for that.

Just for me it wouldn't work. I have been a sahm for two years now. I know its not for me. When I was working I was on the board of Governors at my my dds school, I made the 'tea' for the bonfire society and I helped out at the playgroup. I do less now as a sahm than I did when I was working.

really what is there to celebrate in someone having never used their college education, never worked never been an independent adult and their whole life revolves around looking after others

yes Freud, because a sahm doesn't impart her knowledge to her children, does she? Getting an education is not just useful as a means of climbing a career path you know. How narrow minded and patronising you are.

no it is not just about getting a career but being independent being able to be independent is very important, the op herself has said she does everything for her children and her husband but what does she do for herself where is she in all this

patronising as it may sound to you and you seem to be getting very defensive being able to be on your own, support yourself make choices in your life that are about you i feel is every important I am to going to pretend that it is not in fear of upsetting others

I don't think I've ever really imparted any knowledge to my children that came from either of my degrees, to be fair, in my years as a sahm. You don't need a level 9 honours to read Thomas the Tank engine......

(although OP never got a college education, so the point is rather moot)

I agree kobayashi.
Of course a parent imparts knowledge and skills to their child; we all do that whether we are SAHP or WOHP. It isn't usually specialised knowledge to with ones degree or career though!

Honestly this ithread is ridiculous. The op started it out of boredom I reckon (which speaks volumes). She doesn't even ask the question sues claiming she asked in her OP, about innocently wishing to know about other peoples daily routines (yeah right !) The OP just reads as a self congratulatory account of her exciting life of never having had a higher education or any job, and how she loves doing every bit of housework and childcare while her dh and children never do anything domestic. When the reaction she got was 'so what?... Why are you p

Why are you posting?' she suddenly invented her 'interest' in hearing about working mothers' lives.
Very transparent.

Anyway OP - you've had a few answers to that question on here and maybe you could ask around a few people in RL if you're still interested. The majority of parents work so it shouldn't be hard to find some. I'm still not entirely sure what you hope to gain from it. There will be some variation but generally you'll find WOHP do what you do- ie run a home and raise their children but combine it with paid work. It involves being well organised and having a tight routine as the people who've given you an account of their day have shown. Oh and most people wouldn't do every little thing for their children like you do because they place more
Emphasis on imparting practical skills to their children. But other than that it's really not rocket science; its just normal life for most parents, being a mum or dad and having a job.

Hannah, please don't see it as SAHM bashing, if you read through the posts - many people are talking about their own or mother's experiences where a lack of independence and the ability to operate as an individual adult (and I am afraid in the modern world - to operate as an adult on your own on the most part means having an income - either through bringing in an income or claiming benefits/pension/insurance) has led to heartache and despair. And many of us don't want that for other women. We may be over zealous about it because of our experiences. But if I can avoid another woman ending up as my mother did - widowed at a very healthy and active 60 - but with no identity other than wife and mother - I will keep saying what a lot of us are saying. When I compared her to my Godmother who had always worked - and was widowed at a similar age - the difference in getting on with life was incomparable. One example I know - but you will find many examples on here and it is a plea to of course take a few years off if that is what works for you and your career - but please don't stop thinking about your own independence. Relying on a man no matter how loving, healthy, rich he is - in many cases (granted not all) is not a good idea. I think that is why people reacted as they have to OP. not to all SAHM in general.

Bickie - I agree completely.

Hannah - I'm not in any way "bashing" stay-at-home-mums. I did it for many years and at the time as I said I was happy. But my concern is that if life throws a curve ball and it all goes tits up for whatever reason, then the OP will be in a very difficult situation.

Even her comment about grandchildren - it's very controlling - children leave, our job as parents is to rear them, and let them go. What's going to happen when they go if you have never ever worked, have no qualifications and no identity and idea of what to do outside of mother/wife?

"Of course a parent imparts knowledge and skills to their child; we all do that whether we are SAHP or WOHP. It isn't usually specialised knowledge to with ones degree or career though!"

How very odd. I would say that DP and I both teach our DCs vast quantities of things that are directly related to our own particular skill sets, honed during our UG and PG degrees.

I agree. I have an English degree, along with good GCSE's and A levels which I've no doubt give me an advantage when I'm helping with homework, especially since my eldest two are now almost teens..
I also have many years of work behind me, which I'm aware the op does not. Despite that, I have no problem with her life choice. It's a perfectly valid one.
The choice to work is no more valid, it really isn't.
Whatever you might think.
You might argue that the op's kids are mollycoddled and overindulged, but at least she is present every day. During the Xmas school holidays, my eldest, who is 13, has phoned a couple of friends, who haven't been allowed out because their parents are both working from 8-6 and instructed them specifically to stay in, don't answer door, don't leave house.
Now, I'm not suggesting that parents ought to provide a constant string of structured activities for teens and preteens during the school holidays. But when I hear the holiday 'arrangements' for some of my dc's friends, I'm extremely grateful for my career break.
If it means I've sent my career on a wayward trajectory, so be it. It's a calculated risk. And will be worth it in the end.

An english degree may help with your childrens homework, but mechanical engineering or pure philosophy aren't really day to day useful for 5 year olds.

Judgy judgy last post.

It depends, to some extent, on the age of the child as to whether higher degrees are of use in teaching them.

I can't see that an English or Maths degree is of much help in teaching a child of Primary school age. All that is needed is basic literacy/ numeracy and time and effort. Perhaps if the child chooses to take the same subject as you at a higher level, it may be of use.

I think that, overall, life skills are far more important. It should be remembered that parents also teach a child by example and if a mother is terribly ambitious for her child but spends her days doing the housework/ going to the gym, one day, the child may turn around and question her about her own choices.

Hannah- I am not anti SAHM. I think that various people have pointed out that there are potential disadvantages to the OP's choices, both to her DC and to herself and her husband. In addition, some posters have commented that her life and general outlook is very insular and that, over the course of her life, she is contributing a limited amount to society. These are all valid points, even if you personally don't agree with them.

These comments are no different to what you have just said in your latest post about your DD's friends holiday childcare arrangements. These parents have made a choice to work (although, obviously, not everyone has a free choice). There are many positives to their choice- I won't spell all of them out. There are also some negatives. You feel free to point these out in your comments. I don't feel the need to conclude that you are therefore anti WOHM.