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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To be a traditional sahm ??

865 replies

ProudMum4Eva · 02/01/2013 22:16

I personal have never been flamed for my choice in life, however I see many people who continuously get some sort of insult for their life choices. So here I thought I would share all for the first time.
I am 34 years old I got married at 18 straight from college. I am happily married with five wonderful children who I adore and do everything for. I have NEVER worked (outside the family home) my DH has always worked. He works traditional hours leaves about 8:10 mon-fri and is home for around 5:30. I do everything in the home cleaning, cooking, bathing the younger children, ironing and so on. I dote on my children and my husband. I love it they do not need to help me in the house I look after them and that is what I am good at.

OP posts:
ProudMum4Eva · 04/01/2013 20:35

amillionyears

I do not think they expect a future partner like me lol. They will grow up and marry/live with who ever it is they happen to fall in love with surely. :)

OP posts:
rechargemybatteries · 04/01/2013 20:36

Proudmum4eva - I was asking genuine questions. Confused I don't understand why you're having a go at me?

justmyview · 04/01/2013 20:36

OP, I'd say that if you haven't picked up on the numerous views about SAHM and WOHM, then you must be very new to this site not just fairly new.

This topic comes up time and time and time again - it's very tedious.......

InNeedOfBrandy · 04/01/2013 20:36

I'd also like to make another point about my life OP Smile

I am a better mum by working as my dc don't irritate me so much. I found the few times I was out of work hell, I was snappy irritable and tired when the hardest thing I had done was fold up some clothes and walk to school. Thats just my experience and the type of person I am though.

catgirl1976geesealaying · 04/01/2013 20:37

I've shared mine Proudmummy

Hopefully you found it interesting given that's why you say you started the thread (although I can't imagine the details of other peoples routines are actually interesting, but then I feel that way about fishing, so each to their own)

ProudMum4Eva · 04/01/2013 20:39

rechargemybatteries

I have not had a go at you :(

I am finding it very hard to keep up lol
What was your question sorry ?

OP posts:
rechargemybatteries · 04/01/2013 20:40

How would you cope if your DH left or got run over by a bus or became so ill that he couldn't work?

socharlotte · 04/01/2013 20:40

I haven't read the whole thread , but personally I think your OP screams 'low self esteem'

amillionyears · 04/01/2013 20:41

op, I think the will expect a wife/ partner like you.
You need to have a talk with them and find out.
It could cause all sorts of future potential problems.

ProudMum4Eva · 04/01/2013 20:41

catgirl

I do find other family lives interesting. Most of my friends (not all) but most are single so I cannot really get to know what other family routines are these days :) I like hearing lovely family stories but hey that is just me. Blush

OP posts:
Arisbottle · 04/01/2013 20:42

recharge I am not sure how I would cope if my DH was run over by a bus.

I would not like to think that I would hold back from living my life in a way that makes my family and I happy because I was In constant fear of my DH being hit by a bus on the way home from banging his secretary.

kim147 · 04/01/2013 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProudMum4Eva · 04/01/2013 20:43

rechargemybatteries

That is a very good point. I believe it has been raised way down some where lost in the thread Grin.

In that situation I would have to use savings etc and hopefully find a way of getting into work. :)

OP posts:
ProudMum4Eva · 04/01/2013 20:44

kim147

Do not see the point in your question sorry. :)

OP posts:
pixwix · 04/01/2013 20:45

Oooh personal experiences - well Grin

when ds1 was born, I was a year into my psychology degree (am also a nurse) I took a year off when he was born because I didn't know how it was going to be/what I would feel like.

After a year, I went back to uni two days a week - my mate was a childminder, so helped me out. It felt great to be back studying knowing he was looked after by someone close to me.

When I got my degree, I did a year of two nights a week nights as a nurse, so by the time he was 4-5ish, I got a job in research - part time - schoolish hours. It was brill! best job I've had - I was there for ds1, and I loved it! we were all parents on the research project, and helped each other out.

Got pregnant with ds2, had severe PND, and was in a mother and baby unit with ds2. By the time I came out, the research project had ended - I didn't want to go back to doing shifts, with two small children so I had a year off to get straight, then did an MSc one day a week over two years. That finished after a couple of years - stayed at home - moved house, got settled, stayed home some more, got depressed again, then ex-dh left me for someone else - stayed home another year, to let the boys settle, then worked school hours as a home carer, did the return to nursing practice course, got a part-time job as a nurse - which is where I am now!

Am looking at another job using my other qualifications, but needed to get back into things incrementally, and to get the boys used to me working again after the divorce...

What works for me and my children, is part-time work/study, although as they get older, I will move to full-time. What was a huge shock, was staying at home, for a good while, ex-dh leaving, and having to spend a couple of years playing catch-up because my skills had lapsed. I won't ever let myself get in that situation again.

ProudMum4Eva · 04/01/2013 20:45

amillionyears

What will cause future problems ?

OP posts:
InNeedOfBrandy · 04/01/2013 20:45

What are your interests btw OP? Do you have bobbys and such outside the home and away from your family?

amillionyears · 04/01/2013 20:46

Thinking about it, why would they even bother or want to leave home permanently?

rechargemybatteries · 04/01/2013 20:46

Aris - that's my point though. I never thought it.

Proudmum - I can only say (again) I've been where you are. How are you going to get a job when you don't have any qualifications or experience? There's a recession out there and jobs are not easy to get (voice of experience). Also if you have 5 kids your ability to work and your life will be incredibly difficult. (again voice of experience) I just don't know why you posted? You posted AIBU and I really don't see the AIBU?

kim147 · 04/01/2013 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProudMum4Eva · 04/01/2013 20:48

pixwix

Aww sorry you had a bad time with your ex, Glad you are doing ok now though :)

OP posts:
amillionyears · 04/01/2013 20:48

Why would they want to leave home?
You could still be mothering them when you are 60.

If they do leave home, I can envisage potential huge rows about the house not being perfect, wife/partner wants to work and they dont want her to. etc
etc

InNeedOfBrandy · 04/01/2013 20:50

amillion the OP did say she makes herself needed on purpose as she would prefer to be needed then wanted (or something like that) and then be needed for her grandchildren.

ProudMum4Eva · 04/01/2013 20:51

rechargemybatteries

Yes I know I probably posted in the wrong place I did say sorry for it (twice) :) Was not deliberate I assure you.

I know things can change as quick as anything but I do not want to change my life on the possibility that something bad will happen. :) But I can understand your point.

OP posts:
anotheryearolder · 04/01/2013 20:51

Heres a lovely family story for you OP - my DH and I have always shared the childcare and chores and work.
My Dc have never been in after school club and we are always at home ( one or the other) to supervise homework etc.
I personally feel that this is far more superior to your old fashioned traditional way as my children have the benefit of both their parents being at home ( at various times) and sharing their care .
This is true but tongue in cheek
Do you realise OP with your Smile and LOL this is how you come across to others ... annoying isnt it .

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