To be a traditional sahm ??

[ProudMum4Eva]

I personal have never been flamed for my choice in life, however I see many people who continuously get some sort of insult for their life choices. So here I thought I would share all for the first time.
I am 34 years old I got married at 18 straight from college. I am happily married with five wonderful children who I adore and do everything for. I have NEVER worked (outside the family home) my DH has always worked. He works traditional hours leaves about 8:10 mon-fri and is home for around 5:30. I do everything in the home cleaning, cooking, bathing the younger children, ironing and so on. I dote on my children and my husband. I love it they do not need to help me in the house I look after them and that is what I am good at.

Yeah, cause that was clearly the motivation for the thread

Could someone please explain to me in layman terms what a SAHM does with school age children different then a working mum? Genuine question.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim I did not have any other motive was just generally writing about my life to see others write about theirs.

InNeedOfBrandy I do not quite get what you mean ... Every household routine will be different :)

I mean you and other SAHM's talk about doing your job at home and thats running the house and looking after the dc cleaning and cooking dinner I assume. I no way mean this in a bitchy way just like to point out. I do all of the cooking cleaning washing packed lunches ironing school runs (mostly) I bake cakes and cook from scratch whilst working. So I assume a SAHM with school age dc do all that just without working so how does it benefit or not benefit dc either way?

My whole point is what is the difference whether you work or not on your dc if you take money and depending on someone out of the equation.

kim147 I'm sure some people do get stressed at work. Thankfully in our situation my Dh loves his job and he is on a good salary without having to work long hours. ( He had to work long hours to get to the position he is in now though) but even then he loved it so was not a issue in our home.

InNeedOfBrandy I understand that point. However I am in the position still to pick them up after school 3:15 etc. I know some WM do have flexible hours but a lot do not and have to use after school clubs etc and then there is all the half terms and summer holidays as well. I enjoy my way just as WM enjoy theirs :)

Ok say the mother doesn't use after school club and works term time only and takes parental leave days for dc sick days then what is the difference?

InNeedOfABrandy - to answer your question from my perspective: I don't think it makes a huge benefit or non benefit to my children whether I work or not. The benefit is to me. I am using the skills and experience I've built up, it provides intellectual stimulation and a social life (not saying you can't get those without a job but it certainly adds an extra dimension) - oh and the salary and pension are nice too

IMO the problem is when people do start trying to claim that their way (whether staying at home or working) is so much better for their children.

I'd also add that I agree totally with kim's point: it'a lot of pressure for one partner to be sole earner, so for many couples it suits them well to both share earning and the domestic side of things. As I said much earlier in the thread, if you partner someone of similar abilities, outlook and values, it actually can seem quite odd to suddenly veer off in totally separate directions when you become parents, with only one partner having a career and the other doing absolutely everything to do with home and childcare. Why not both get to enjoy the pleasures (and take on the pressures) of both those thing?

InNeedOfBrandy

In that case there would not be a difference :)

Best for you are your family is what is best.

I've read the whole thread and OP YANBU as it's your life and your choices (and your children even if they grow up expecting women to cook and clean, which is sad but again they're your children).
But what was your point really with your original post?
Did you want to know how the rest of us live?
And how would that help you with your life choices, given you are quite happy with your choices?
... Unless you are secretly not that happy and wanted some sort of sounding board?

I agree janey work benefits me to. I would go crazy stuck indoors all day and I love spending my wages. Even if I was a multi millionaire I'd still want to work. (I'd just pay people to cook and clean up after me instead )

What is so wrong with after school club OP? I finish work and am home for 2 most days so my dc don't do it but I wouldn't have any problem with them having to go. They'd get snacks, hot chocolate, help with homework, access to school library and playground and would have a great time with their friends.

I don't like the smugness of I'm a SAHM I look after my dc implying that working mums don't. You might not feel like that but it comes across like that IMO OP.

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers

Yes I wanted to hear stories of different family life. Because I was just being nosy really :)

I am very happy with mine it is nothing to do with comparing to see who might live better Its like anything that gets talked about just curious about other lives of mnetters :)

If I was a SAHM my children would certainly benefit. As a working mother I am often exhausted and can be ratty, as a SAHP I was much calmer and never stressed. On an average week day I have two hours a day with my children , one hour with my youngest . If I was a SAHP I could have so much more time with them. My husband would also be less tired as he has to help around the house after a demanding job, if one of us could run the house in the day whist the other was a work we would have more quality time together.

InNeedOfBrandy No I was trying to be smug sorry if it came across like that.

I have never once put down working mums. I did not say there is anything wrong with after school clubs It is just my choice not to use them that's all :)

In that case AIBU is probably not the right forum because that is just asking to be flamed.
I will not be able to be a SAHM because even if I could afford it I would never want to rely on one breadwinner. My mother was a SAHM - she had one disabled child and that informed many of her choices- and it gave me sleepless nights as a child wondering what would happen to us if anything happened to my father.
I wouldn't put myself through that again or put my kids through that uncertainty. It coloured who I am as a person.

In that case AIBU is probably not the right forum because that is just asking to be flamed.

Yes I am beginning to see that lol So sorry rather new to this site :)

I am sorry to hear about that effecting your childhood. If you like being a WM that is great.
Although I would not agree my children are growing up in any uncertainty , but saying that it must of been hard for your mum with a disabled child.

If you were remotely interested in different persepctive, OP, I suspect you'd have taken on board some of the very pertinent criticisms of your approach made here. But you appear not to even have read them, or possibly not understood them - either way it's perfectly clear you simply wanted to blow your own trumpet. Which is fine, but i would gently suggest that a need to do that is not something one generally sees in people genuinely content with their lot.

If your just being nosey heres how my family set up is. (which I love)

Single parent 2 school age dc and work time and am working my way up studying so in a few years I'll be the boss not the assistant.

Get up 6AM drink tea watch the news get dressed and MN,

wake dc up about 7 potter about MN while they get dressed and brush their teeth

leave house 7:30 take them to breakfast club for 7:45 get on the bus stop for 8 and catch the 6 minutes past bus to work.

Have breakfast and a cup of tea in work before starting unless they're run off their feet, then I get stuck in.

I work up till lunchtime (half 12 apart from 2 days where it's 1) as a kitchen assistant in a nursery, not the greatest job in the world but I like it. I like talking to all the other staff I like doing things and not just being sat down watching jeremy kyle. Then when I finish I go into pre school (there are 4 diff stages) and do lunch time cover for other staff. I didn't think I'd like it but I love it.

Leave work get home, potter about maybe mop the floor or start dinner, pick dc up come home and do whatever it is we are doing that night.

I can't explain the level of my self worth shooting up just for working. I don't have the best job but it really makes me happy just to say "oh I'm on my way to work" and such. I have always been a single parent though so couldn't ever imagine relying on a man to sort it all out and look after me. You can't ever tell him to pack his bags and jog on because you depend on him so much, that would scare me and I couldn't ever let myself be that vunerable.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim

I have read them. I have not replied to some indeed. This is due to the fact some people are not bothered about talking about it they just want to put me down and say silly things about my children not going to grow up probably. I have the right not to answer silly comments.
I have not insulted anyone for whatever life style they choice. So why should I replay to anyone who insults me or my children.
General questions to me I have answered with complete honesty. So I do not know what you think I have done wrong exactly.

InNeedOfBrandy

Thank you.. I was generally interested in others daily routines. I am glad it works for you so well. :)

I couldn't help myself - I had to come and look if OP came back and what her views were. OP - if you are not aware that you come across as smug you need to get a nearest and dearest to sit down and have an honest chat with you. I am suspicious you are actually doing this as a wind up - or some weird goal to get to a number of posts - but will give you the benefit of the doubt.

bickie

Really was not being smug at all. :(

People are not saying silly things about your children not going to grow up properly. They are, very often, giving you the benefit of their personal experience to show how parenting approaches comparable to yours have caused harm to them, or those close to them. Your total lack of interest in this betrays the reasons why you started the thread.

If you were genuinely just after stories of other peoples daily life, it would have been far simpler to just ask for that in your OP. Instead of the very smug and self satisfied account of your Life where you've never worked and do absolutely every chore around the home so your dh and children don't have to lift a finger

Just saying