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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be a traditional sahm ??

865 replies

ProudMum4Eva · 02/01/2013 22:16

I personal have never been flamed for my choice in life, however I see many people who continuously get some sort of insult for their life choices. So here I thought I would share all for the first time.
I am 34 years old I got married at 18 straight from college. I am happily married with five wonderful children who I adore and do everything for. I have NEVER worked (outside the family home) my DH has always worked. He works traditional hours leaves about 8:10 mon-fri and is home for around 5:30. I do everything in the home cleaning, cooking, bathing the younger children, ironing and so on. I dote on my children and my husband. I love it they do not need to help me in the house I look after them and that is what I am good at.

OP posts:
AnnieLobeseder · 04/01/2013 12:01

Sorry Amber, I disagree. Just bringing up children doesn't make the world better, even if they do turn out to be good people. Good people who do nothing don't make the world better. "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." (Edmund Burke) and similar shamelessly stolen quotes.

janey68 · 04/01/2013 12:04

I would say that a part of bringing children up well is to focus not simply on them but on the wider world. How can children possibly grow up emotionally and intellectually balanced if they think they are central to the universe ...

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 04/01/2013 12:19

My MIL was very much on the model of the OP and, lovely woman that she was, I'm afraid she did a lot of damage. I think in the OPs case this may be mitigated by the fact she has 5 children rather than an only child as DH was but I would still urge her, if she genuinely has the best interests of her DC at heart, to reconsider her approach. Speaking as someone who has a child who is likely to be substantially dependent for all his life, independence in children is a precious and wonderful thing and your primary role as a parent is to foster it. I encourage my DS to do absolutely everything for himself he possibly can and I can testify to how valuable this is in building capability and self-esteem.

bickie · 04/01/2013 12:21

I agree Janey - and I think we all agree that both SAHM and WOHM can successfully bring up well balanced children. My concern is less for the children but more for the women who I feel are putting themselves in a vulnerable situation by believing their 'traditional' way of navigating the world won't end in tears in what is a very modern world. It may not be divorce - it may be death, redundancy, drugs there are thousands of examples on MN and all over the Internet about what can go wrong. But I have said my bit. My haircut is about to end and I don't usually get this much time to engage on here. I've enjoyed it. Hope everyone especially OP was given food for thought - I know I was!

sieglinde · 04/01/2013 12:28

And Amber, I agree with Janey and Karlos and others - being an SAHM guarantees nothing. MY mother was SAHM, and she loathed it and was hopelessly depressed; my MIL did a lot of harm to her 4 kids too, mainly thwarting their ambition lest they cast her off.

Mayisout · 04/01/2013 13:05

It's the people, some of whom happen to also be SAHPs who do nothing but indulge themselves that concern me
Ime the ones who indulge themselves most are the single, professional 20-30s, long hours, hard work but lots of hols and fun. Though they probably do the occasional sponsored run.
Mixing up non-contributing to society and the supposed spare time of SAHP was where things got confused.

MissNJE · 04/01/2013 13:28

My first Biscuit!

Hanikam · 04/01/2013 13:31

Can you come and do mine as well?

Mayisout · 04/01/2013 13:38

Well, that's ime.
No DCs, no mortgage, no elderly rellies so only yourself to worry about. Generalising of course.

Gay40 · 04/01/2013 13:38

I'm not anti-SAHM but I am anti-boring dependent no-aspiration folk of any description.

Feelingood · 04/01/2013 13:41

[steps tragedy emoticon]

I think a distortion of time and sound just occurred in my SAHP world.......

Lest just blame the feminists shall we who gave us all choices and now we fighting like dogs.

Permanentlyexhausted · 04/01/2013 13:48

Mayisout So are you suggesting that the nurse, who has no children, elederly relatives or mortgage (Hmm), but who spends countless hours at work caring for other people is contributing less to society than the SAHP whose sole focus is their own immediate family?

Bonsoir · 04/01/2013 13:50

Life is not a competition about who contributes most to society and, ergo, holds the moral high-ground.

janey68 · 04/01/2013 13:55

I certainly don't get the mortgage bit either. Surely having a mortgage is totally about benefiting oneself. I have yet to come across anyone who pays their mortgage just to benefit the bank!
( not that there is anything wrong with having a mortgage- just failing to see the 'logic' of that post by mayisout)

Feelingood · 04/01/2013 14:15

Technically Jamie, purchase of any product contributes to the economy re national income and jobs but this is way off the mark of how we choose to parent and work really.

chandellina · 04/01/2013 15:24

Why have I never come across men having these debates?

Permanentlyexhausted · 04/01/2013 15:38

Indeed Bonsoir. In a perhaps slightly roundabout way, that was my point, and why I thought Mayisout's post was slightly odd.

PessaryPam · 04/01/2013 16:20

bickie Fri 04-Jan-13 10:26:55

"I think those mothers are taking their children's future seriously and that if you haven't the time or inclination to do so yourself, their attitude makes you anxious."

Disagree!!! I think this has become their one and only role - to ensure their children succeed and they support their husband's careers. As women we should have moved on from that role of just being about the future success of our children. It is important of course - but should it be our raison d'être?

bickie I have seen this living vicariously through your child syndrome many times too and it always seems to SAHMs that do it. The boring conversations I have moved away from at the PTA meetings with the one-upmanship about which piano grade little Jonny was in or which Maths set little Melinda had just moved up to were legion....

TBH I used to just say my kids were dentally retarded and no more when prompted to join in. They were late with their teeth and that response used to kill the rivalry dead.

PessaryPam · 04/01/2013 16:29

Bonsoir I work in the commercial sector and I find your comments about everyone there being selfish bizarre even for MN.

Bonsoir · 04/01/2013 16:33

I didn't say that Smile.

Original poster
ProudMum4Eva · 04/01/2013 18:50

What is my contribution to the world?? My children :)
What is my families contribution to the world ? My Dh works and always has so ax wise he contributes it for our family.

OP posts:
Original poster
ProudMum4Eva · 04/01/2013 18:50

Tax rather :)

OP posts:
Original poster
ProudMum4Eva · 04/01/2013 18:53

Not that it is relevant but some of you ask what my husband does for a living.
He works in a software engineering company.

OP posts:
KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 04/01/2013 18:57

"dentally retarded"?? I'm not surprised that killed the conversation. I too would have little to say someone who made such a tasteless "joke".

Original poster
ProudMum4Eva · 04/01/2013 19:01

A lot of good posts from people Thanks :)

I am glad we can all respect every parents choice and enjoy our own .

OP posts: