To be a traditional sahm ??

[ProudMum4Eva]

I personal have never been flamed for my choice in life, however I see many people who continuously get some sort of insult for their life choices. So here I thought I would share all for the first time.
I am 34 years old I got married at 18 straight from college. I am happily married with five wonderful children who I adore and do everything for. I have NEVER worked (outside the family home) my DH has always worked. He works traditional hours leaves about 8:10 mon-fri and is home for around 5:30. I do everything in the home cleaning, cooking, bathing the younger children, ironing and so on. I dote on my children and my husband. I love it they do not need to help me in the house I look after them and that is what I am good at.

Permanently, I posted what grandmas etc said just to show how attitudes about working mums have changed. Not to do an oooh get me pat on the back!! I get the impression that my fellow mums thinks I'm a bit nuts to stay at home. A few have said they couldn't do it, and prefer working. I don't think I could remain sane juggling child and a job. But that's just me.

OK.

What works for you works for you. Personally I was a very happy sahm until my dh was unemployed and then I had to get work. I did and managed and enjoyed it.

Now I work and feel its quite good for my self esteem and love earning my own money.

BUT each to their own aye..

when working mum says she likes working,mn armchair psychiatrist says jealous
how so?it's wholly possible to not want to do something whilst not denying or projecting
hard as it us for some of you to believe,not everyone wants be a housewife

God it tough being a sahm and keeping up with these threads.

everlong you can round and ' bottom' here if you like, I could pay you in cake n chocolates, sorry booze in garge

I am a SAHM but not a housewife. If that's what you mean by traditional, then I am most definitely non-traditional. Not letting your children do anything around the home is really bad for them, for different reasons for either sex. At its most basic, it actually works to stop them truly being part of the family; being a family is about everyone pitching in and supporting one another, be that in trad roles like breadwinner + housewife, or otherwise, and children need to learn about that sort of reciprocity. They won't suddenly magically learn to pull their weight or not view future partners as the ones who should be responsible for domestic matters at some random point in their adult future, you know.

Above all, not doing any sort of chore is actively depriving them of some very positive things; feeling helpful and useful, being able to do things for their parents, showing their appreciation and understanding of what their parents do for them, taking pride in small achievements, and so on. There's nothing wrong with being a trad SAHM, but you're not actually being traditional if you do everything for them - in the past, when nearly all families worked along your model of domesticity, children most certainly had to pitch in, boys and girls!

I do wonder why it always seems to be SAHMs who start these kind of passive-aggressive threads. Perhaps it's because they are aware that they are not respected by parts of society for their lifestyle. I don't blame them for being fed up with this but I do wish they'd find another outlet for it, these threads are most tiresome, as are assumptions that stable home life cannot be provided by working parents etc.

Because we have so much more time to kill?

I studiously avoided advancing that theory. Personally, I can see quite well how SAHM-ing activitiis could easily expand to fill a day. it's just not the sort of day I enjoy spending, not on a regular basis, anyway.

Personally, I'd hate to put myself and my family in such a vulnerable position. If something happened to your DH so that he could no longer work, you'd be screwed - all of you. Not to mention if he ran off with a younger model. Being SAHM mum is a valid choice, but never to have worked, to have no qualifications, no skills to fall back on? Very dangerous.

I also think everyone should contribute positively and practically to society outside of their families, be that in part-time paid or voluntary work like running a toddler group, being on the school board of governors, volunteering for a local charity etc. To focus all your time and energy solely on your family is selfish and teaches your children that they are the centre of the universe. Not healthy and a nightmare for their future spouses.

So I'm baffled as you why you'd start a thread like this. Are you bragging? You say you want to start conversation but don't actually say what you want to converse about.

mn is awash with posts from those whose dp do sweet fa chores at home as never did
consequently they then expect their own dp to skivvy about like their own mum
you're not setting good example or developing autonomous adult by doing everything

I admit I was very jealous of two SAHM's I spotted in local Nero after school drop off. They looked so cozy and contented with their big milky latte's and their woolly jumpers and comfy ugg boots. It was cold and raining and I could have wept I was so wanting to be them rather than facing commuters on a crowded tube and facing up to a day of difficult meetings. I went over to say hello - and was about to tell them how lucky they were - when they told me they were discussing whether or not facial hair suited the new P.E teacher. 'What did I think'?!!! Mmm could't say really. Not saying all SAHMS have fuck all to talk about ... just saying ...

I dunno karlos, I find biccie's post far more passive aggressive.

heehee the ugg boots alone would have discouraged me approaching
never mind the inane conversation
but then I have bigger fish to fry than whether the pe teacher has mustache

bickie - it's not that they have nothing to talk about - it's just early morning chit chat.

There are WOHMs that sneak along to post drop-off coffee with SAHMs at our school in search of a bit of light relief too.

What should they have been talking about? Chinese censorship? German economics in the interwar years? Seriously, what the fuck?

Gimmecake - It is terrible I know - because actually I am in total agreement that each to their own - I really do get why women would choose to be SAHMs. I just get so depressed when grown women seem to have nothing other than their children and the school or the PTA to talk about. It may just be my area - where there are a lot of wealthy SAHM with a truckload of staff - so they don't have bigger fish to fry. I am sorry to be passive aggressive. It's why I don't come on MN often - brings out the worst in me.

Koba, no one expects SAHMs to be discussing the fiscal cliff after the morning drop off. It is just the inanity of making light and banal conversation more often than once in a while that will do my head in. Hence I am at the school gate very occasionally but prefer to trot off to work on most days.

It must be where you live bickie... Is it somewhere posh

I freelance on projects and do them in the evening so am sort of a sahm and I deliberately chose this route to be home with my young children but each to their own. I do find a lot of snidey comments seem to get directed at sahm on threads like these which is unpleasant.

Scottishmummy - yes we know as you always love to tell us how you think working mums are soooooo much better...

wonder if the pe teacher with mustache male or female?
wonder if it dead noticeable
folk in ugg boots have no reason to admonish anyone else,given how minging uggs are

you know when i worked full time and it was coffee or lunchtime i still talked about tv, shopping etc and not eu referendums and such like. equally i got into a discussion with a school gate mum about middle east and was shocked at their views to point ive sistanced myself

u cant be serious about generalising content of convos

I like uggs and am glad I do especially as you don't Scottish!

i look at uggs then think nah, im too tight to oay out esp for suede