To be a traditional sahm ??

[ProudMum4Eva]

I personal have never been flamed for my choice in life, however I see many people who continuously get some sort of insult for their life choices. So here I thought I would share all for the first time.
I am 34 years old I got married at 18 straight from college. I am happily married with five wonderful children who I adore and do everything for. I have NEVER worked (outside the family home) my DH has always worked. He works traditional hours leaves about 8:10 mon-fri and is home for around 5:30. I do everything in the home cleaning, cooking, bathing the younger children, ironing and so on. I dote on my children and my husband. I love it they do not need to help me in the house I look after them and that is what I am good at.

Where is OP? Still washing up??!

Meow

Well, i haven't yet seen a thread which starts:

'I work. I am a parent and I have a job too. Don't really need to tell you that and I don't wish to discuss any aspect of it. I just wanted to start a thread telling you all'

Until that happens, I'm sticking with the facts, which are that WOHM will (quite rightly ) vigorously defend themselves when they encounter some of the bullshit flung around, but they don't start threads to deliberately shit stir and attack how other people do things.

I'm happy for you. I'd love that opportunity I really would.

Your family, your choice.

I am, and suspect I will always remain, completely baffled by anyone, male or female, rich or poor, whose life's ambition is never to work. And no, once your children are in school, being a SAHP isn't work, it's a lifestyle choice. Your choice, sure, but not one I'll ever understand.

I wohm, I have a job with big responsibilities etc but if I was sitting in a coffee shop I would be talking about something inane. Who really takes themselves that seriously that they talk about work with people in a coffee shop?

You sound very happy and content with your lot OP and if you have that happy positive attitude with the rest of your life, working or not, you will probably be busy and fulfilled.

Ime the twenty somethings today who are WOHM don't seem to have the guilt chip on their shoulder that previous generations have, they have to work to pay the mortgage so the SAHM is not an option and their DCs will be fine there's not a problem.

being a SAHP isn't work, it's a lifestyle choice

Jeesh, there certainly used to be many jobs which involved pushing paper around or being in charge, with little evidence of results from either.

I have been a SAHP for different lengths of time , four times. Even with a pre schooler or a few pre schoolers I would not really call it work .

It was however the most rewarding time in my life.

Numerical - I was more trying to make the point that as wonderful as it looked, when I got a bit closer to it - it was fun but pretty boring and I was happy to be going into work rather than waste time on yet another inane conversations. I spend a lot of time with SAHM as that is the majority of our school population - so there is a lot of dinner parties, sports watching, coffee mornings etc that of course I attend when I can. Many were lawyers, bankers, consultants - and many were PA's. For many different reasons they decided not to work - all can afford not to because most of their DH's are in the city. But I can tell you, very honestly and not trying to be passive aggressive - the conversations whether at a coffee morning or a cocktail party, are rarely more profound than the immediacy of their lives. So no I am not looking for a drop off - dropping off the fiscal ledge conversation, but I also think the education that went into many of these women is being severely wasted. Aristotle is right - being a mother to young children is the most rewarding time of your life - so why not make sure the rest of your life is just as rewarding.

I can honestly say hand on heart that I find being a parent just as rewarding now that my children are older (12 and 9) than when they were very small. And for all I know it will carry on being just as rewarding when they grow up even more. I work with a number of colleagues who have adult children and they often talk about things they've done at weekends and it's clear they adore their children's company.

Having a child is for life- not just the pre school years- and it always seems a bit sad if people think its all downhill once they start school. So i totally agree with that last sentiment about making sure every phase of life is fulfilling

When I was a WOH person, I and most of my female colleagues were pretty desperate for light relief. Since there wasn't much time for it, we would often shop in our lunch hour - we worked dangerously close to the rue du Faubourg Saint-Honoré and would spend silly amounts of money on shoes and bags in order to cheer ourselves up. The rest of our long days was very serious (and dull). TBH it would have been better to spend 30 minutes having a coffee and chit chat at 9am.

Light relief is a normal and healthy part of life .

Arisbottle, I wonder if your appreciation of the job (SAHM) was partly due to the fact you knew it was temporary.

Also there is a difference if eg your DH works away from home for days/weeks at a time, or Dh gets home at 8.30 (OP has a DH doing 9-5 (v unusual nowadays)), you have close friends or family helping out so you get the occasional day off, you have adult friends to socialise with during the day etc

Mayisout - I see you neglected to copy the point about "once your children are in school". Yes, some jobs don't involve doing much. So? That doesn't make having coffee mornings while you wait for the afternoon school run any more intellectually challenging or beneficial to society. It's hard to have respect for anyone whose life involves only themselves and their family. It's not about earning money etc, it's about contributing more to society than paying VAT on muffins and a latte. And like I said, I don't aim this just at SAHP, but anyone who doesn't work or volunteer their time.

"It's hard to have respect for anyone whose life involves only themselves and their family. It's not about earning money etc, it's about contributing more to society than paying VAT on muffins and a latte."

If all adults took proper care of and responsibility for their families, there wouldn't be nearly as many societal problems, AnnieLobseder. Your attitude is reductive and inaccurate.

But Bonsoir, you can take adequate care of your family and also add a little more to your broader community. I would counter your argument with my opinion that people becoming more and more insular and inward-looking, and that less community spirit and mutual help is contributing to many of society's problems. It's the "I'm alright Jack" attitude. No matter how well families look after themselves, there will be people whose circumstances have left them in need of help, and who may not have their own family nearby to provide that help.

I see your point AnnieL but don't agree unless the non-worker is taking alot from society as well as not contributing and bringing up children, caring for disabled family etc must surely be contributing.

Of course caring for disables family counts!! I just think everyone should be trying to make a positive contribution, rather than being a negative drain. Why wouldn't you want to leave the world better than you found it?

Most people who genuinely help others do so in their own time and without making a song and dance about it. Those who feel the need to "volunteer" within an institutional or organisational context are not necessarily the most helpful - in fact, they are sadly only too often glory-hunters or people with few friends looking for social contact. Many SAHMs have added and continue to add a great deal to the community they are in in a quiet way. Do not overlook this.

But no, bringing up children doesn't count because pretty much everyone does that, and most also manage to work in some form as well.

What does the "noise" anyone makes about their community help matter? I said that running toddler groups, helping at school etc, as many SAHMs do, is a positive contribution. It's the people who do nothing outside of their own family I'm taking about.

Bickie - genuine question - if you had sat down for a coffee with the Ugg wearing, latte wearing SAHMs, what would you have talked to them about?

Just because somebody goes out to work really, really does not make them a more interesting conversationalist. I went out to work for 20 years before having children, working my way up to a relatively senior level. I am now SAHM. However, the chit chat among my former colleagues/current friends has not changed at all - it can/could either be about world politics or which control garments are most effective, and everything in between.

I understand people's concerns about lack of financial autonomy, pension arrangements etc, but I do resent the implication that SAHMs are less interesting because they don't WOH.

I think you are barking up the wrong tree. AnnieL.

bringing up children doesn't count because pretty much everyone does that

DN is a social worker and was talking about the thousands in the local town who are heroin addicts, part of that problem I would put down to their parents thinking that bringing up children doesn't count.

But the point is, Annie, that you don't know who is making a valuable contribution and who is not. I see SAHMs around me who spend a lot of time on the PTA, toddlers' groups etc (and seek applause for doing so...) and, at the end of the day, they are actually busy filling their own empty days, not helping anyone but themselves. Often their children are not particularly well brought-up or doing very well at school - they get less attention than the children of parents who actually concentrate on their children's needs. Other, quieter but more focused parents, help out people in a quiet way, don't seek the limelight and are actually making a genuine contribution to others' lives.

Agree with MayIsOut.

Conceiving and giving birth makes you a parent. It doesn't mean you will take parenting seriously.