To be a traditional sahm ??

[ProudMum4Eva]

I personal have never been flamed for my choice in life, however I see many people who continuously get some sort of insult for their life choices. So here I thought I would share all for the first time.
I am 34 years old I got married at 18 straight from college. I am happily married with five wonderful children who I adore and do everything for. I have NEVER worked (outside the family home) my DH has always worked. He works traditional hours leaves about 8:10 mon-fri and is home for around 5:30. I do everything in the home cleaning, cooking, bathing the younger children, ironing and so on. I dote on my children and my husband. I love it they do not need to help me in the house I look after them and that is what I am good at.

I'd also say the role model I am presenting to my children when I work isn't the best advertisement for going out to work if i'm honest.
Knackered, harassed and did I mention knackered.

Indeed, Mosman .

The role model my DSSs' mother is currently providing is: each person fends for himself. No-one is ever home, no family meals, no conversation. Home is a badly run hotel where the guests never talk to one another.

Mosman. I was very very confident in my position. Smugly confident to be honest. I was damn sure that DH was a keeper. We had been together a million years, we loved each other, he came home every night never went out other than to play football with his mates on a Tuesday night, we were having sex often, he told me how good a mother I was, how lucky he was to have me, the business wouldn't be doing as well if it wasn't for me supporting him, you name it I thought we had it. I was WRONG.

But it's not just about the career aspect of being a SAHM. There's all the other bits around it, the lack of identity other than as a wife and mother, the fact that my money came from him totally - it went into a joint account I could access freely, but the amount was totally and utterly up to him to decide I had no control. And for me that's the biggest thing about a traditional sahm set up you give so much control to the other partner and it just isn't equal. I couldn't go out if he wasn't home from work to babysit, it wasn't my money it was money he gave so once we split up he didn't have to give it any more, I didn't have many friends, not because he was abusive and drove them away like I read on the boards here but simply because my friends were his family. I have read on here about people having equal leisure time and equal left over money and I think that is a fantastic idea but a traditional sahm set up just does not give the sahm that level of equality.

Knock yourself out OP - your choice.
Has anyone asked in the 11 pages so far whether you have a pension equal to your husband's, in your own name?

I was brought up I a single parent household, my mother. We had v little but she always worked and studies part time to get a better job. I think this I Implicitly instilled a study/work ethic in me.

I am definitely I charge of the house so to speak, I know what you mean Bonsoir, my ds sees me making decision, planning and doing 'my jobs'. We have shared cooking and child are at the weekends. Over Christmas he has seen us both cooking, washing doing laundry etc and he knows I study and about where I used to work. He has his jobs for pocket money and sometime es he's just expected to pitch in.

you could argue that if a child is brought up with traditional role models and they are happen educated etc then they will either chose mate based on their expectations accordingly there maybe a mate outthere who is also interested in sticking to so called traditional roles.

I think we need to remember also that school, peers and life after leaving home also influence choices, role models do not end with us the parents. I know I was heavily influenced by a an ex bf's family as I lived there for a little while.

Whatever way women still are at a disadvantage as we give birth. I don't know what the ideological arguments are underpinning overcoming this, I just make sure we have the same allowance every month

Having worked for at least 6 of my 12 years of motherhood, I haven't got a pension worth getting excited about either and when my DH gets paid I transfer what I know is left for him to spend into his account and the same amount into mine, the bills are covered from a joint one so it's not about SAHM v's WOHM it's about being in a caring equal partnership and people from both camps can discover they aren't in one to their great surprise.

my housewife friend,her dd was doing the people who help us topic at school
girl listed jobs and drew pictures.all of men undertaking the jobs.only teacher was female
her mum asked what jobs do mums do,she replied teacher.limited direct experience of women doing anything else

recahrge yes you right it's not just the career aspects you have restrictions on being able to do stuff,I always feel I. Waiti g for him to come home, I can't commit to gym classes due to his job. BUT I do what the bloody heel I like during the day, albeit with a baby in tow now and during school run.

But he too can't just go out for lunch and catch up with friends like I can as he is at work. At weekends he's knackered and I seem him stressed a lot of the time like I used to get, even before kids. I'm just pleased that there is one of us grounded to maintain the day to day stuff.

Re 3+ families, absolutely as so done said up threading just can't and wouldn't want to contemplate being on my own with so many littlies.

It is true due to my experience and seeing what has happened to friends that you should always have a back up plan and some running away money as people put it. This sounds mistrustful, no I'm mother responsible for all eventualities.

scottishmummy - if a child doesn't think women work outside the home, that is not because her mother is a SAHM, it is because, in the community she lives in, she doesn't encounter female bankers, lawyers, doctors, management consultants etc.

Once again the thing that irritates me as a WOHM is the statement about not having to work, along with head tilting and lucky me I dont have to work. Some of us do, but many of us don't but love having a career and are not cut out for staying at home. Others may not want to work but have to and gloating posts about how wonderful staying at home is must be upsetting.

Either way OPs like this either irritate or upset.

Very true mosman it's how you cut your cloth...actually we always did that when we both worked full time. I do all financial planning check utilities etc and he often asks, where do I out this transfer etc. he will occasionally want to check something but we are quite transparent. Our attitude to mo ey changed a lot when we reconciled generally though too, but thats another story.

sm that's so sad, but would that still be limited even if her own mum worked anyway re immediate environment. Thinking about it where I grew up everyone did work, all friends mums etc. Now type of jobs a different issue.

yes exactly it's the mileu her mum inhabits.housewife central,with a skewed representation
the other mums dont work,and in p1 her daughter has limited experience of encountering working mums
it has certainly been thought provoking for her mum

That's ridiculous, you can't go through life not talki g about your own life and set up etc for fear of upsetting others. I read OP as she was challenging some views about her own choice.

Really not helpful when we are berated for our choices and there is so etching called freedom of speech (within talk guidelines that is)

It's also ridiculous that a child would grow up not knowing their are female Dr's, solicitors etc, what about her immediate family, her aunts, cousins, her GP, if it matters to you you can always find strong role models of either sex.

kim147, I do agree with you that at face value people post on here about the lack of maintenance - but..

I doubt many RP would start a post saying - oh my ex NRP pays maintenance, it is really only the complaints we hear on here and not the good NRP and how they pay up, usually pay up and over pay up

recharge iown half of everything,prpoerty and savings so yes i would be.

by the way i agree theres more to life than money,i was just pickingup on what someone said about being left high and dry,it doesnt have tobe that way.

i wasnt talking about maintanance i was thinking more of assets.

my daughter is 3 and firmly believes that mummys have babies and daddies go to work,thats what she sees so its not surprising.we dont live near family so she doesnt see them regularly enough to know they work,most dont actually except one who is a headteacher,and allthe mums iknow at the school are sahm,theres one sahd.

AmberSocks - sorry if I took you up wrong. In my case (which is admittedly unusual) the assets are tied up well and truly.

Amber - Presumably you have a high earning DH though? For most people, one salary simply will not provide enough (either in assets or in maintence) for two households to be maintained without a major drop in living style. Particularly if the earner goes on to have a second family.

If you were married to Berlusconi then indeed you'd probably be quite well off after the divorce, SAHM or not. But an average family who only has the family home and some savings to share? You'd end up with half the assets, less income (if you were the non-working parent) and extra costs, as now 2 homes are needed.

more to life than money,yes I expect so,when you don't work to earn the said money
if you don't work and contribute to family finances,then one can glibly say more than money
personally I'm immensely proud that I'm solvent,have own money,and have career

Amber- you must live in quite an affluent area! I don't actually know a single SAHM- all of my female friends with children work. I don't know any on benefits either though.

Yes he is a high earner,i guess i can see how difficult it must be if money was tight,would cause all sorts of problems.

amber are you ok with dd assumption that mummys have babies,daddies work?
where I live its predominately housewives and at school it's rare to work
yes I know kids who think only daddies work,see mummy as home only.v sad