AIBU and should I get over myself?! Possible bridezilla?

[Sianilaa]

First AIBU posting and donning my flameproof overalls :D

This will probably out me if anyone recognises it but I need to know if I'm being all "me, me, me!" or if not, what to do about it. I'll try and keep it as brief as possible.

I've been very good friends with this girl since we were 18 (12 yrs). She is 'guidemother' to my eldest son, she was my bridesmaid when I married. I think (thought?) the world of her. I would have dropped everything if she needed me. Everyone loves her, she's been a bridesmaid about 10 times in the last couple of years. Popular, lots of other friends but we always appeared to be close.

She is getting married in a month. When she announced it, I joked about her having to have 20 bridesmaids. She went quiet and said she wasn't going to have anyone to avoid upset. Transpires she is, a mutual friend. The reason being this girl has no sisters and has never been a BM. Neither have I! So I was gutted but smiled and decided to get over it.

She has decided to have about 10 cakes, one as a centrepiece of each table and she wants me (I decorate cakes) to do them all at her house the day before the wedding. I have tried to tell her this is very unrealistic but she won't have it. She is buying all the bits and a family member is baking the actual cakes so I can't get the cakes any earlier than the day before the wedding. She has changed her mind about number of cakes and designs several times. There are 4 different designs she wants me to do. I am stressed beyond belief and have turned away paying work for this. I feel a bit taken advantage of tbh.

She sent an email about her hen weekend - the weekend of my son's birthday and party. The boy she is guide mother to. I sent a cheery reply that I was sad I wouldn't be able to make it and was told I had to be there so please rearrange his birthday party to a different weekend. I won't miss his 5th birthday so am going along later than others when he is in bed and have (grudgingly) moved his party to the weekend before as he won't really care either way.

I offered my services to the bridesmaid, to make a cake or something for the hen. Got told no, she was asking someone else to do a cake and my help wasn't needed.

To top it all off, I was sat at home watching Bridget Jones on NYE as DH was ill in bed and kids asleep early as they're young. Just seen a load of photos of a party at the bride's flat with lots of mutual friends in them. I am the only one with children but they could have asked? I cried. It's not the first time I've been excluded for having kids (if that's the reason, they're just in a very different place in their lives).

I feel like a total mug tbh. I can't back out of these sodding cakes as I don't want to be the bad guy right before her wedding and I don't want to cause her stress or ruin her big day. I am completely gutted. Clearly I mean nothing to her and need to move on but how do I do that without looking like a brat? Or am I in fact a brat and need to get over myself? I can hardly text her and say, "you didn't invite me to your party, I'm not your friend any more!" as I'm not 5. But I feel it at the moment!

dons hard hat

Thanks for not falling into a coma reading this far! ;)

[WeeWeeWeeAllTheWayHome]

uggmum I haven't got anything more to say than

[birdofthenorth]

Yanbu.

Just a suggestion, but my friends had an ices but not decorated cake on every table at their wedding, with decorations provided. Each table was asked to decorate their cake as part of a lighthearted competition and the bride and groom chose which one to cut for the photos. Of course the didn't look perfect but it was a great ice breaker round the tables and made the meal memorable, with some sweet, funny,unique cakes. Perhaps you could suggest this -thereby you'd have to ice but not decorate?

Decorating 10 cakes in one day is inane. She sounds like a shit guide mother, too

[birdofthenorth]

PS to Uggmum, how are you still talking to these people leg alone collaborating with their fascist weightloss regime?!

[Journey]

I think the op's friend sounds awful.

The bit I don't understand is why the op offered to make a cake for her friend's hen night. That is the last thing I would have done because I think it just adds to your friend thinking it is no big deal icing all those wedding cakes. However, since the offer got turned down I'd tell the friend that you can't ice all the cakes so it would be best to contact the person who made her hen night cake. Play it to your advantage!

[MollyMurphy]

The birthday thing would have pissed me off.....ordering you to change the date of your sons party. I would probably have said no TBH.

[Greensleeves]

Tell her to stick her cakes up her arse! She is incredibly rude and selfish.

You deserve better friends.

[Angelfootprints]

She made you rearrange your sons birthday party?! Unbelievable! She sounds deeply selfish and far too much hardwork.

[Angelfootprints]

I would still make her a cake.

With the words "your a PITA" iced right across it.

[Greensleeves]

make her this cake - 10 times

[myfirstkitchen]

yanbu

Tell her to bog off. Ten cakes!!! And if they're not finished in time then what?

She sounds horrid.

[Angelfootprints]

greensleeves :)

Can you imagine if op actually did that on the morning of the wedding?! Bum cakes! Oh to be a fly on the wall for that one.

[Greensleeves]

I was just outlining the plan to dh - do them, box them up, sellotape, say "do NOT ope the boxes, they are delicate", then get someone to lay them out on the tables during the ceremony. Bridezilla arrives - ten tables saying ASSHOLE.

I am a vengeful bitch

[Angelfootprints]

Your an evil genius. :)

[MiconiumHappens]

Mwah ha ha ha haaarrrrrrr Greensleeves

Even worse they look like angry bum holes!

[misterwife]

YANBU:

1. about the cakes. What planet is she on?
   
2. about not being able to make the hen night. It's your kid's birthday - there's no shame in her forgetting that, but to insist that you come... what planet is she on?
   
3. about the non-invite to the party. Very rude.
   
   YABU about her choice of bridesmaid, but her reply to your comment was snippy. If that is how she normally talks to you, and not just a reaction to the stress of the wedding, then it is time to reappraise the friendship.

[ShipwreckedAndComatose]

greensleeves!

[saintlyjimjams]

Ugg - jaw is on floor. I think tell your friend she either sorts her fiancé out or you are not being a bridesmaid

OP - send a very tightly worded email with no wriggle room saying
A) one cake takes x hours to decorate so ten is not possible
B) sponge cake is crap to ice
C) you do not decorate other people's cakes as it has the potential to adversely affect your business

Then tell her what you are willing to do (one cake made entirely by yourself or whatever). Or leave blank if you've had enough.

Suggest the cake decorating competition idea someone mentioned earlier for the ten cakes.,

[pigletmania]

That is shit and no I hear you entirely. It sounds as though she is using you, and des not see you as a good friend as you see her. I would tell her realistically the cake situation, she dies not sound like someone I wuld want to break my back for. I would tell her tat it's impossible what she is asking, and tat you would need more time, Mabey charge her for materials, say te cost is getting very high. If she blows up and shouts and rants than you know where you stand and I am afraid tat would be the end of te friendship

[pigletmania]

Ugh mum that is disgusting behaviour, I would seriously back out and tell groom to feck off

[Theicingontop]

How on earth will you decorate ten cakes in a day?! Unless you're like 1000x faster than me, I barely manage one (assuming they're multi-tier? how many people is she feeding?!). That is crazy.

Unfortunately people tend to assume that because you decorate cakes, you'd love to do it for free for your friends and family. They don't tend to realise that to do them free favours you're turning down paying work. Are you charging at all?

YADNBU. She's taking you for a mug.

[SaraBellumHertz]

Firstly get the bakers details and insist on speaking with her - god only knows what your "friend" has said to her in terms of deadlines etc.

Hopefully once you have spoken to the baker you will have sp
Eone else on side - I'd be surprised if the baker can make all the cakes in one day let alone on morning unless she has a professional kitchen with several ovens.

Additionally now you have had communication from her mother you have a reason to copy her into cake related correspondence also.

So send a very reasonable email cc baker and mum setting out what can be achieved, whether that is two elaborate cakes or ten basic.

[pigletmania]

Op she siunds very superficial, like others have said she may have the nack to make you feel special but tats an act. She sounds lik she is using you, not inviting you to her party is dwnright nasty. What se said to you about not being all about you, what the fuck, that would be a dealbreaker in the friendship. I would tell her you can't do it sorry and be prepared to te this 'frienship' go

[SaraBellumHertz]

someone else

[comingintomyown]

I think with only a month to go it will be difficult to get out of now , why did you ever agree to that in the first place ?

I would be inclined to email and ask her to reconsider the number of cakes on the grounds that you will not be able to do the decorating to the kind of standard she would like , that it is a physical impossibility. If she replies insisting then "jokingly" say ok but you will be keeping a copy of this email to hand on the day !!! Then make sure you do !!

[Icanhasnickname]

If it were me, I would turn up late on 'cake day'...then work really, really slowly, watching with evil glee as she gets more stressy by the hour. What can she do? Sack you as bridesmaid??...oh wait, no: she wouldnt even give you that one kickback that is usually the pay-off for being a bit of a skivvy for the bride.