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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to be annoyed my friends invited this woman?

128 replies

RussianSnowflake · 02/01/2013 14:16

In my group of friend there is one girl who we all know. Some obviously know her better. I have known her for many years and the only way I can describe her is odd (she doesn't have SN)

We had a girls holiday in 2010. The girl decided to eat things like fruit and swordfish etc, so you can guess what happened. At one point she was even being sick, and was just stood in the middle of the room, one of the girl had to actually tell her to use the toilet. We then had to tell her to have a shower because she was literally about to get into bed with sick in her hair.

We took a road trip to visit a friend who had moved away, the girl borrowed one of my friends jumpers as she was cold when we got there. We ordered food and she ordered the hottest curry on the menu. We start eating and about 10 minutes later we realise she's gone very quiet, we looked over and saw she was bright red, pouring with sweat and even had tears in here eyes. She pulled the jumper off and swiped the sweat off her face with it and then handed it back to my friend.

This kind of behaviour I could tolerate. However we were having a chat and she was talking about her problems and I mine. She then turned to me and said "yes well my problems are much bigger than yours."

Her mum got ill around the time we were on holiday (one of the reasons we invited her). Two of my friends bent over backwards helping her, constantly inviting her out, ringing her and texting her to see how she was. Her mum got much better and yet she would still ignore the concern my friends were showing.

The help they gave her was never appreciated. She does like these women, she is just a very anti-social person. She would rather ignore these text than be polite and say no thank you, in fact I don't think she has ever once said thank you to them.

I have not seen this woman myself for a good two years.

I returned home after working away for the last 6 months. and after seeing my family, my friends organised a meal. I turned up a little late (10 minutes) and so everyone else was there and to my surprise so was this woman.

I know it sounds selfish but we spent all of 5 minutes talking about me and what I'd done and then the rest of the evening was talking about this woman. My friends know I dislike this woman and yet she was invited to the reunion/catch up meal.

aibu to be slightly pissed off about this?

I kind of feel like I am.

OP posts:
Original poster
RussianSnowflake · 02/01/2013 14:32

People are honestly advised not to eat fruit whilst abroad (google it).

Just like you shouldn't drink the tap water.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 02/01/2013 14:33

So people who are abroad never eat fruit?? Reeeeallllyyyyy... Grin

quoteunquote · 02/01/2013 14:34
LeeCoakley · 02/01/2013 14:34

Some people aren't very good at social niceties. Your friends perhaps can see this and treat her kindly without wanting anything back.

ILoveSaladReallyIDo · 02/01/2013 14:34

maybe they thought that if you'd been away you'd be interested to be updated in what the group had been up to in your absense, they did talk about you first!

your friend's organised the meal, the guest list was up to them. Maybe they thought you'd grown up and got over the swordfish/fruit/being disoriented when ill issues while you were away?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 02/01/2013 14:35

My dad lives in Spain...I must call him right now and tell him no fruit, no tap water and no fish.

Shit, he has been there 11 years but I hope he gets my call in time!

Seriously, a grip is needed.............

ILoveSaladReallyIDo · 02/01/2013 14:35

OP, you do know that most fruit available in the UK COMES from abroad don't you?? Grin

and the food advice is not the same for all "abroad" places! LOL

crunchbag · 02/01/2013 14:37

Well the advice varies per country

It sounds like your friends are not really your close/good friends anymore, they invited someone they know you dislike and then are more interested in talking about her life then yours.

They like her it seems.

maddening · 02/01/2013 14:37

You sound odd too tbh - we spent all of five minutes talking about me? Are you used to being the main topic?

The others must like her more than you realise else why is she so frequently invited on holiday with them?

Anyway - the whole social group sounds strange and self absorbed.

CoolaYuleA · 02/01/2013 14:37

We lived in Cyprus for a couple of years, whilst we were there we ate a lot of foreign fruit, fish and meat, and ate at a lot of restaurants some tourist, some local. Neither DH or I EVER got an upset stomach. So YABU for implying it was her fault she got ill because she ate fruit and fish overseas. If it was such a risk DH and I would have spent over two years puking. Except we didn't. Not once.

Itsjustafleshwound · 02/01/2013 14:37

I am sorry, but your posting makes you sound incredibly self absorbed ...

The woman is obviously not one you like, but there is no reason why she must be excluded.

I think it depends on where 'overseas' is

gordyslovesheep · 02/01/2013 14:38

wow how self obsessed are you Grin

and unreasonable

Original poster
RussianSnowflake · 02/01/2013 14:38

www.independenttraveler.com/travel-tips/safety-and-health/food-safety-how-to-avoid-getting-sick-while-traveling

  • Seafood dishes are notorious for causing intestinal problems, as fish accumulate contaminants from a wide variety of sources.
  • Fruits and vegetables without peels, are often likely culprits for trouble.
OP posts:
CoolaYuleA · 02/01/2013 14:39

Shit! I drank the water too! And did the same eating and drinking when we subsequently moved to Germany.

And STILL no stomach upset!

ResolutelyCheeky · 02/01/2013 14:40

Maybe your friends like her more than you because she doesn't rock up late to dinner get togethers and doesn't expect the evening to be all about her?
Maybe she doesn't have great social skills ( maybe a little aspie?) but at least she turned up on time.
Anyway, what did she have to eat. Was there any TRexing?

ihearsounds · 02/01/2013 14:40

Omg, seriously, you are not supposed to eat fruit abroad Shock All them times we have been and eaten fruit and fish. Does this just apply to tourists? What about the locals? What about people who were born abroad, moved and then go back to see family? Confused

Original poster
RussianSnowflake · 02/01/2013 14:41

The others must like her more than you realise else why is she so frequently invited on holiday with them

Frequently? If you count once frequently.

We invited her because her mum was ill and we wanted to do something to take her mind off it.

OP posts:
TheNebulousBoojum · 02/01/2013 14:41

She hasn't got any SN?
Perhaps she doesn't have a diagnosis, but she obviously struggles with certain areas involving her social and communication skills, and knowing what is appropriate behaviour in an unfamiliar setting. And your friends seem able to not only tolerate it but actually put some effort into enabling her to have relationships that function, without expecting her to behave in an expected manner.
How thoughtful and unjudgemental your friends sound.

Yakshemash · 02/01/2013 14:41

'we were having a chat and she was talking about her problems and I mine. She then turned to me and said "yes well my problems are much bigger than yours.'

Sounds to me like she was taking the piss. Perhaps she's not so much 'odd', as more intelligent than you.

ILoveSaladReallyIDo · 02/01/2013 14:42

"Fish organs and shellfish (such as clams, mussels and oysters) are usually best avoided"
sword fish isn't shellfish Hmm

what SHOULD you eat "abroad"Hmm then??

squeakytoy · 02/01/2013 14:42

All I usually eat when abroad is fresh fish, seafood, fruit and veg. Never been ill yet...

Fakebook · 02/01/2013 14:42

Sick, sweat and poo makes for a good thread.

BluelightsAndSirens · 02/01/2013 14:43

It all sounds very odd, how old are you op?

Maryz · 02/01/2013 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeakytoy · 02/01/2013 14:43

"In my group of friend there is one girl who we all know. Some obviously know her better"

I would say they all know her a lot better than they know you.. and like her too.