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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is awful to say to a 4 yr old

95 replies

Alwaysasking · 28/12/2012 22:20

Ds has spent Christmas with his dad, I was talking to him on the phone tonight and ex told ds if he's naughty he will throw me on the train track. Ds was very upset, I was saying to ds daddy was being silly and of course he wouldn't but ex was saying "if you're naughty I will". This was as he was putting ds to bed, so my poor boy will be lying there terrified. I feel sick, just want to go and grab ds (ex lives 300 miles away). Ds is coming home tomorrow, but I am so uncomfortable with what ex has said. Ds is scared! WWYD?

OP posts:
VitoCorleone · 28/12/2012 22:22

WTF?!?!

Shocking thing to say!!!

Original poster
Alwaysasking · 28/12/2012 22:24

I know, and the worst bit was ds going "and I'll never see mummy again" I feel sick.

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Footface · 28/12/2012 22:24

That's awful thing to say to anyone. I wouldn't let ds visit for a while tbh

Iactuallydothinkso · 28/12/2012 22:25

Well, I think you just play the whole thing down, say "isn't daddy silly" something like that and say he would never be able to do it so he's not to worry about that.
When you have your little boy back safe then you tell your ex what an arse he is.

VitoCorleone · 28/12/2012 22:26

Id feel sick too :( Im gobsmacked

Original poster
Alwaysasking · 28/12/2012 22:26

I just can't stop thinking of ds lying in bed all scared or having a nightmare about it. He's back at 5pm tomorrow it seems far too long away now I want to drive there tonight!

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FunnysFuckingFreezing · 28/12/2012 22:28

thing is I do say to my DC if you don't stop that I will have to kill you, but they know I'm joking so therein lies the difference. Or I will stab you with this very sharp knife and they make the Shock face. But tis all joshing. Do you think your XDH was having a joke?

addictedtolatte · 28/12/2012 22:29

Omg Shock sounds like he needs parenting lessons. Hugs to you

Original poster
Alwaysasking · 28/12/2012 22:30

No ds was really scared and upset, but ex wouldn't drop it. I was trying to turn it into a joke and saying daddy was being silly but ds wasn't reassured.

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Magicmayhem · 28/12/2012 22:30

I suggest that when you have your son back safe and sound you tell your arse of an ex to attend parenting courses and not send your son to see him unless you have proof that hes attended... then contact your solicitor and see if he can only have restricted contact with someone else present untill he's done his course...
it sounds like he has not idea how to parent or he's doing it to get back at you

ArfAPandaTreacle · 28/12/2012 22:31

Did your Ex say this? Might your son be confused and he meant something else?

Magicmayhem · 28/12/2012 22:32

FunnysFuckingFreezing... are you for real Shock... I'd also suggest parenting classes for you!

edwinbear · 28/12/2012 22:33

OMFG no, that is a horrific thing to say to anyone, let alone a 4 year old. I thought this was going to say 'santa will take your presents away' which i have used once or twice the last couple of days. Have you actually spoken to him and told him daddy won't? God, i feel Sad what an awful thing to say.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 28/12/2012 22:33

Was this man abusive to you? It sounds like he's a nasty, spiteful bully, and I agree that you should contact your solicitor and stop overnight contact for the time being.

ArfAPandaTreacle · 28/12/2012 22:33

Cripes, Im not sure 'joking' about stabbing your child is ok either.

Original poster
Alwaysasking · 28/12/2012 22:35

Ex did say this, over and over again I heard it. Next phone call I'm going to try and record and bring it up... I did try to tell ds but I was on speaker phone not sure he could hear me over his dad. Ex was never abusive to me, he left me when pregnant though so I don't really see how he is with ds.

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CrazyChristmasLady · 28/12/2012 22:38

OMG!!! Your poor DS.

When he comes back I would certainly be having strong words with ex and I would think twice about letting him take your DS so far away again if he's going to scare the shit out of him like that!

Joking about killing is never funny. Funnys you may need to change your name as you certainly aren't. Hmm

ArfAPandaTreacle · 28/12/2012 22:39

Can I ask why you didnt ask to speak to ex and have a sharp word in his ear? Id be livid with rage.

Id also be stopping contact with them both alone. No way would I risk my childs mental well being.

lidlqueen · 28/12/2012 22:41

i think that is called emotional abuse.

Original poster
Alwaysasking · 28/12/2012 22:42

I did speak to ex, but he was having none of it and said "it's to make him behave". Ds could hear everything so it was quite brief. Ex thinks he is right about everything, doesn't understand anyone else's view and will not listen - I seriously doubt he'd pay any attention to parenting classes he thinks he knows best.

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Original poster
Alwaysasking · 28/12/2012 22:43

lidlqueen that's exactly what I was thinking.

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WorraLorraTurkey · 28/12/2012 22:44

Jesus that's sick! Shock

It's one thing saying (as we used to) if you're naughty I'll dump you in the bin...cue loads of giggling from the kids as we pretend to carry them over to it.

But there are no words to describe someone who threatens to dump a 4yr old on train tracks Sad

80sMum · 28/12/2012 22:45

Goodness me, no YANBU! What a terrible thing to say to the poor little chap! Your son's dad is either an idiot or very cruel. I hope it's the former. You'll need to continue to reassure your little boy that daddy did not mean what he said.

FunnysFuckingFreezing · 28/12/2012 22:48

Magic it's called a sense of humour. My DC know I am joking ffs. You know some people live in families where that sort of comment could only be a joke and would never in a million years be considered serious.

I am sorry OP if your son was upset and in the wrong context that sort of comment is horrid

Original poster
Alwaysasking · 28/12/2012 22:49

Worra it's me he's saying he'll throw on the train tracks not ds... so ds thinks daddy is going to throw mummy on the track and he won't see me again.

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